im going to orlando soon. i just wanted to tell michelle that i really wish i could talk to her right now.. so yeah michellle i know everything will work out for you. okay everyone have fun at school.

if anything happens or comes up or youre bored then call me 2540088 bc im sure there will be lots of times that im not doing anything and id love to talk to you.

A decade ago, I never thought I would be.
A twenty three on the verge of spontaneous combustion.
Woe-is-me
But I guess that it comes with the territory.
An ominous landscape of never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear. I need you to see.
That I have had all I can take
And exploding seems like a definite possibility
To me

my heart is sad. i am just so lost. and i feel this huge amount of pressure and i simply cannot deal. So i think i'm gonna send some quality time with my good friends, Mr. Ben and Mr. Jerry, and Mr. Hanks.

today was nice because we got 3 hours of time to do whatever we wanted. Palzkill lagged though....we could have had 3 1/2 hours of time to do whatever we wanted. The only part that sucked was that it made you think that you were out of school and then you realized you had to go back. that was not cool.

I'm still:
-sick.
-clueless about my college decision.
-dateless for prom.
-unemployed.

Oh, and I did pretty horrible on my stats test. Yes, I have a D.

lately i really haven't been in the writing mood. sometimes i can write forever and sometimes i don't feel like it at all. so i filled out, enveloped, and sealed all of my UCLA stuff. it will go in the mailbox tomorrow. that is a happy relief.

current stress: newspaper photos. i have to do 2 cutouts tomorrow and i suck.. but hopefully this time my pictures won't be "flat". ew stupid mr. b [not deca] who does not even pay attention to anything. grrr. anyway i think kat & kevin will come out nice. they were good.

i haven't done homework in like 2 weeks.. ever since spring break, man.. doing homework just doesn't feel right. i went to work today. i had an evaluation little conference with my supervisor but we ended up talking for an hour about how great his daughter is. people love to brag and i love to kill time so i can get paid for doing nothing. win win situation. anyway school is really stupid.. we just take practice tests and graded practice tests and discuss brave new world and watch weird movies. anyway i'm going to orlando on thursday so that will be good because i really can't concentrate on anything. i keep just wanting to have fun. i know that's really bad but once i go lazy, there's no going back.

today i got $4000 for usc from their alumni ppl that i visited long ago but that only makes like 14 or something & that's not enough. how stupid. then i got this letter telling me i have to go on stage at nationals to get my otis spunkmeyer scholarship and "medallion". that is pretty embarassing. .there will be a bazillion people there and i will probly get lost. but im excited for the plane and the hotel .. and i haven't really met people from other states so that will be interesting. plus there wil be millions of people to make fun of. oh yes, that is my dream.

so i think that the rest of the year will be gone in one second. i go to nationals and come back next wed. and then i have to make up all of my finals! then its AP tests and prom and more AP tests. then there's 2 weeks of blah where i'll probly be visiting college and getting super excited. then it's senior activities and yearbook distribution and banquets and graduation and grad nite. then june blah through september 25th (3 and a half freakin monthssss) i work millions and i surf and i hopefully find new tumbling and i read lots and get a nice stomach and go on little trips with my friends and love my family. then i leave forever and start a whole brand new life which will be better than this one because i can feel it.

I love how life just loves to sucker punch you in the stomach... and it's not above kicking you when you're down either. So now I just have a bunch of options. Ten millions paths that lead absolutely no where. And I have to choose one? Wonderful. This is where I disagree about being "Powerful"... I am the most indecisive person I know.

it was nice hearing from you, jo. happy easter!!

today..i woke up at 12. i read "oh brave new world with such people in it" for 2 hours .. and then i went to barbs, where we attempted to work on deca but then i said 'no lets not' and so we ate and talked. we havent done that in forever so it was good. we ate shrimp and chicken and meat and rice and ice cream cake. i met her family friends and there was a nice boy. the back of his neck was attractive. i love barbs room and i just sat on her bed and said meaningless things and admired her curtains. then we went for a short walk and it was fun. we stole some macadamia nuts from a tree. the day was very nice and relaxing. i'll try to finish brave new world tonight but you have no idea how bad i want to relax for the rest of my life. i think nature is everything and humans are stupid for ruining it. oh, and i helped barb make a college decision and i realized that true friendship means being selfless.

the word of the weekend is: AWKWARD

oh, happy easter to those who celebrate it. and happy passover.

happy life! weeeeeeeeeeeee

hi. i dont really know what to write. i am so so stupid and confused.

yesterday i woke up at 7 and went surfing at lj. then i got home and went to deca month group where i played football and did aerials. then i went to stacys and then to morp.. and i got home at 1130 and fell asleep then and woke up today at 12.

okay. today me and barb are working on deca. then i think we're gonna eat her mom's good food. then i have a flute lesson and homework. this weekend is really strange.