hello, I want to blow up the world. thank you.

I made a to do list for this weekend--have yet to cross off ANYTHING. My life has been reduced to driving around my whole family (not to mention their friends). It really makes me mad because they just assume that I have nothing else to do--that I have nothing planned for the day--and that I am just ready and willing to drop whatever it is that I'm doing to assist in their transportation needs.

grr.

While driving I was thinking about Vietnam soldiers and how all they had to do was blow off their toes and they were home free. I, unfortunately, do not have such a luxury. But maybe if I chewed off my right foot...

prick my heart with your needle
now you're gargling my blood

...

oh i'm so good at forgetting
and see this one
it's
(fake)
for
you

..

if i could have my moment
free of time and
i would ruin you
i would ruin you

i will ruin you

sometimes it seems like people like to be cruel

when you cant do a front tuck
they do 10 good ones

when you're down on life
they're happy
and it seems like they're happy on purpose

of course everyone has a right to be happy
and to do front tucks
whenever they want
but can you not, when i'm not
when i can't
please?

K THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSS
SSSS
S
SSSSS
SSSSSSSSSSS


CEZANNE, MANET(just that one) VAN GOGH YOU ArE MY IDOLS- i think i'm going to try to give kids the gift of art and music(classical). now wouldn't that be cool?
I CANNOT and will not EVER understand their genius^. i think i could spend hours on each painting just staring at it moving back a few feet and a few more then up close even closer and closer until they yell at me to get back because my nose is touching. maybe if i look at it long enough ill understand it.


IN COMPANY OR IN SOLITUDE I CANT FIND PEACE ANYWHERE BECAUSE THE CHAOS IS INSIDE OF ME NOT AROUND

Money Spent:

$6- whole foods grocery shopping
$1.25- bus fare
60 cents- cezanne postcard
$1.25- bus fare

I AM A SELF PROCLAIMED MAN HATER

"Someone please give me something to do, I'll do anything...it's way easier than going out and getting what you want."

^that is soooooooooooo true

also, michelle.. you have to develop your 'eye'. it's not like you're either a great photographer or a crappy one right away. and yes, if you take 50-100 pictures, you may get one good one. that's just how it works. but you'll never get a good one or develop your eye unless you take tons and stay persistent.

can we call 2004 'the year of dissapointments' yet, or should we still give it a chance?

blah! so i was thinking about spring break and how i reeeally want to do something bc knowing me, i wont do anything and i'll be depressed bc i wasted a perfectly good week to do absolutely anything.

things to do over spring break:
1. go snowboarding
2. go ice skating
3. go to a taping of some talk show
4. take pictures

that last one will be kill me, i know. today i went around my neighborhood looking at things to take pictures of and after an hour i went home with nothing. i think im really freaked out bc everytime i was about to take a picture, i would think about my stupid portfolio and how the people would be looking at my "eye." And I really want it to be good so I get in, and I know that I need to take a bunch of really crappy pictures in order to get something half way decent, but I think I'm scared to death to find out what my "eye" looks like. Because what if its just not good, and wont get better, and what will that mean for my portfolio and everything else?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I am absolutely petrified. Okay, I'm just kidding, I don't want it anymore. Someone please give me something to do, I'll do anything...it's way easier than going out and getting what you want.

everyone seems to be so much happier on fridays.

YEAH BABY I JUST FOUND MY GLASSES behind my bed

I havent been posting because I really have nothing to post about.

um, today I took a midterm (open book, open note) and I forgot my book. It's my luck, I swear...I have such wonderful luck.

I'm writing furiously in a computer lab because I feel inspired to write a better essay after my conference with my TA... I feel much better. However, it does seem like I'm racing with the girl sitting next to me, seeing who can type faster for a longer period of time or something. Or maybe its just me. Actually, it probably is just me:)

Yesterday sadaf and I went to MC and paid our lab fees. We are also going to the MOPA field trip with the kids from photo on wednesday--apparently we can get in free if we go with them!! woohah, sadaf got excited because theres some exibition on paris, oh johnnAY.

and thats it.

whoaa i have absolutely nothing to say. that's kind of weird. but i do have 6 minutes to kill. so apparently sbtb seasons 1-4 are on dvd. why was i not informed of this? oh well, that's a $90 investment i won't be making unless i get an anonymous check or something. three essays at the same time? it's cruel and unsual student punishment. what else... this weekend is write write write essays and study. oh and the last home gymnastics meet of the season... i am so excited. plan for rest of today: comm lecture, gymnastics, writewritewrite... and then my favorite part of day SLEEP. wow it's so obvious that i have nothing to say. i'd have to say life is averaging about a C right now. just enough to get by. oh, and i hate it when i need to go to the bathroom and walk all the way down the hall and the cleaning lady is in there. peee peeeeeee.

i just had a dream that kelly kapowski was trying to defend her love for jeff to me

what a ho

HHAHAHAAHAH sadaf

did you ever notice how much better hot soup is than cold soup? just wondering.

oh, and out of 24 buddies online right now, only 4 are actually there (not idle, not away). why do we even stay on?

ucla at 545pm is quite arguably the most beautiful place in the world

right after voting for edwards i found out he dropped out

and in other news, i just read two really dumb news stories. and they both happened to come from florida.

okay i am making 2 new years resolutions on the first of march. i swear i will stick by these.

1. worked on my comm. paper thesis.... and successfuly annoyed my TA beyond belief. i emailed her my revised thesi probably 5 times. is that bad?

2. worked out a schedule with 4 decent classes
linguistics- fulfills comm. and science baby. and supposedly it's easy.
stats- i got the good teacher and the class is allll filled up
history seminar- rights and freedoms 60s-today. should be good bc we're gonna learn about/debate abortion, gay rights, etc. and the ta has a "liberal slant" YESSS!
eng lit: the american novel- yes i will be writing tons of literary analysi for FUN.. this does not fulfill anything hahaha. but reading/analyzing/writing makes me feel smart.

3. [ no this one still sucks ]

I thought I'd seen it all
'Cause it's been a long, long time
But then we'll trip and fall
Wondering if I'm blind

Rain comes pouring down
Falling from blue skies
Words without a sound
Coming from your eyes

voting is scary. im scared to vote. as hard as you try you will never really know much about the candidates or what they will really do in office. i dont mean just president. senator, congressman, school board, judges... there are so many choices for judges, and only 1 or 2 give statements. i can't vote unless i hear everyone's statement. what if i blindly vote for someone bc they sound good and they make a huge mistake or start throwing out crazy sentences. ahhhh i dont want to vote. im scared.

i never knew this but apparently first generation immigrants make money. 2nd- get education and make money. 3rd- do whatever they want.

where do i fit in??? i dont want to sell my soul for george washingtons and the american dream. :-( WAA SPOILED

gj lotr, johnny is hot, etc.

--
everything else is pretty much sh-t.

um it's like everyone is leaving me behind in some way or another. when you get in a fight or just a lull perhaps and it's kind of bleh for the both of you for a while...and you have to move on eventually right? and chances are one person will pack up and leave first. so i guess i'm just the person that's still sitting in the middle of the empty room on the cold hardwood floor and my stuff is all in boxes but i forgot to actually look for a new flat. while you have found one- spacious in a lovely neighborhood- and are entertaining dozens of attractive people with white wine and chopped liver. attnt reader, i'm not writing about you. if you asked me, i wouldn't be able to name one guy or girl as being responsbile for this suckiness. it's just a feeling i have. one of those overall crappy feelings that i can't really pin on a map.. it's everywhere, it's no where in particular. no one in particular.



it's okay, stace. i paid 25 cents at the mall for a scale to tell me i weigh more than my father, somewhere in the upper 160s. i still hold that it's 50-or-so lbs off.


my grandma turned to me as we looked out at the ocean.
"just try to write 10 lines a day... about anything that made an impression on you. just stream-of-consciousness."
the lines on my mom's face twisted in all the wrong directions.
borrowing a new country sold a new language welfare 18-hr-days college a bargained soul one life a gift
for this?

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I feel like doing cartwheels! Oscars were amazing... I got 17 out of 24 right--I didnt give Lost in Translation enough credit I guess. But it was seriously an amazing night! Lord of the Rings swept their nominations, 11, and tied for most awards--which they totally deserve. I saw all my lovely hobbitses but not my elf. When Billy Crystal was introducing Jack Black and Will Ferrel he said "everyone's favorite elf" and I sat up thinking "Orlando's there?!" but sadly I was mistaken. JohnnAY didn't win best actor... I love johnnAY dont get me wrong but I don't think that he should have won. Please dont kill me. He cut his hair though and still looks gorgeous:)

Anyway, by the end of it all I was just a mess of emotions! As they presented Best Director, but especially Best Picture, I was crying and jumping up and down in my living room. It was just so wonderful and I was so excited for Peter Jackson and John Ronald Reuel Tolkien and that one moment and what it meantnot only for the Lord of the Rings, but for the business of making movies. It was history in the making! But for all its achievements, effects, art designs etc. LotR is a great story. I think the best thing about these 3 movies is the fact that they bring this story to the masses who dont have the time (or sometimes patience) to read the books.

Ugh, look at me go. My cinema teacher always makes a joke about the people who love LotR--"what are all those people gonna do now?" I have no idea! :)

haha people are so stupid. i was just reading some ucla girl's livejournal and she was writing about how she's cheating on her boyfriend, etc etc. she went into extreme detail about her pathetic love life... i really don't understand people. a) they can read your journal, you idiot b) aren't your relationships at all personal? isn't there anything you want to keep to yourself? she seems to have no problem telling the entire world every miniscule detail.

ugh. i saw dr. johnson today. THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE SEEN HER WHILE VISITING SAN DIEGO SINCE I WENT TO LA. are you kidding me?!?!?! do i really deserve this?

i have a papercut so it hurts to type haha so i shall stop. but i did have an enjoyable time at del mar today. HAHAHAH im sitting at my sisters desk and i just glanced at a piece of paper and it seems to be decorated with about 20 charicatures of george bush jr. some have huge ears and some have unibrows. she's a strange child.

okay random random random i think im going crazy and i need to go back to la and get my act together. i really havent been myself lately

and ew it's kind of like you sprinkled salt and lemon juice on my RAW heart.