hello world! I love my friends. it's days like these where I realize more and more how completely wonderful my friends are!

now come on, aren't you jealous?

For Sonya from Darcy:

In vain have I struggled, it will not do. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

I may say the disclosure had quite the opposite effect to the one she intended. It taught me to hope as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before.

Mr. Bingley : Darcy, I shall never understand why you go through the world determined to be displeased with everything and everyone in it.
Mr. Darcy : And I will never understand why you are always in a rage to approve of everything
and everyone that you meet.

Miss Bingley : I believe I can guess your thoughts at this moment.
Mr. Darcy : I should imagine not.
Miss Bingley : You are thinking how insupportable it would be to spend many evenings in such tedious company.
Mr. Darcy : No, indeed, my mind was more agreeably engaged. I've been meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes and the face of a pretty woman can bestow.
Miss Bingley : And may one dare ask whose are the eyes that inspire these reflections?
Mr. Darcy : Miss Elizabeth Bennet's.
Miss Bingley : Miss Elizabeth Bennet. I am all astonishment.

School is kicking my butt. Theres no time, theres never any time! And work keeps calling me to come in but seriously, I'm like dying and my school work is getting affected and this needs to stop NOW. I have to go do storytime today and I'm really not in the mood. I'm actually dreading it. Hopefully, PLEASE, the other girl will go to work today and I'll not have to go in.

I have a dentist appointment later on today too and I'm afraid they'll tell me I have about 10 cavities. I really want to get my wisdom teeth pulled out though because they're jacking up my teeth and the 3 years I spent with braces are going down the drain.

p.s.I fixed the sidebar and finally put a bullet for stacys pics. it was bugging me for the longest time.

wake me up
show me the way to stop dreaming

I'm happy because driving home after school I saw a falling star and I never imagined anything could be quite so beautiful.

Bye everyone! Bye story-time books and songs. Summer unreciprocated love, at least i got some good music out of you. Goodbye Beach Bum, seaweed, and sand on every single freaking part of my body (ew). Bye shelving, books, familiar routines and people. Sal, Mom, Dad. So long Miramar Road, 56 to the 5 to the 805, 15, 52, and my very favorite- 163. So long Hillcrest, Balboa Park, and the Gaslamp-- although I did not see much of any of you. Mira Mesa, not that I will miss you much. All of the nice folks at the libraries, and the weird and not-so-nice ones too (you know who you are) (just kidding). My lovely friends. Goodbye izm and Camry and even Rendezvous, although we are mere acquaintances. Fashion Valley, Santee, UTC. Quynh, who I taught to drive. My faithful surfboard, W.C. and the frenchman that I will "see next time". Goodbye bed, house, backyard, street, even crappy annoying speedbumps. See ya later PQ! I will miss the San Diego air. everything tastes different in L.A.

But ALAS, I will be back soon. Muahahaha. Tp, don't miss me too much. later yo

I just realized that I worked 6 days straight. ay caramba! On Sundays I get to do whatever I want because I'm the only person working, and so I like to play my Miss Saigon cds when no one is in the store. But at like 5:45 this lady comes in during "last night of the world" and she's filipino so I just let it play. Her husband comes in like, 5 minutes later during "i still believe" and immediately he says, "hey I know this!" and his wife says "yes it's Miss Saigon" and I'm just smiling away behind the counter. I play "sun and moon" and she just gushes that it's her favorite song on the cd. I give them a discount :)

lover, this is stopping now. I've slowly become aware that this whole situation is rather hopeless. I know this. So many things would have to fall into place for anything to even become a possibility... and its all quite impossible. But this is not a matter of logic, lover. It is a matter of heart, and the fact is: you've given it away to someone else. You don't lover me, you won't lover me in the near-distant future, and I'm not sure you even like me. In my head, I know all of this but I still hold on because I love the idea of lovering you. And it sorta hurts my heart to let this, you, go. But you know what else? you aren't above me... you are just another boy. I can't spend my time lovering you because I think I owe it to myself to have someone lover me back.

I shall conquer this. I shall.

we're just two lost souls swimmin in a fish bowl year after year. <= i liked that lyric so much, i drew a picture for it. but it really sucks. oh well. what a great song.

REPETITION. i listened to a whole lecture about it in English last year. it really is fascinating tho. think about little kids-- the way they want to hear the same stories over and over again. they don't get tired watching the same movie five days in a row. they like being thrown up in the air and they always yell "do it again!". well that doesn't change. we watch movies over and over again too (otherwise dvd sales wouldn't be so high). we listen to the same songs and CDs many times. we go to the same stores, read the same newspapers, order the same food and drinks over and over again. we do all this because almost always repetition eliminates the risk of disappointment. why waste your money ordering a sandwich that could taste like shit when you know you will be completely satisfied with turkey on wheat? it is of course true that sometimes when read and watch the same things more than once we learn or realize something new every time. but i don't think that's the real reason why we do it. it's not bad or anything. just kind of funny and true.

i'm only 1% done with packing. what a failure. i swear i had something important to say... if only i could remember what it was.

today was pretty good. i did laundry, picked up pics at costco, went to trader joes, wasted time at target, and played at the park and in the street like a little hoodlum. but i did NOT find rollerblades. gr

so im not ready for school yet but im getting more excited. i cant wait to put my pics up! and i just applied for a job. pleeease let me get a job. then i wont have to join extracurriculars cuz i wont have time hahaha. i wont have to feel guilty for not joining anything. plus looks like ill only be taking 13 units. 13!!! maaan. my money is going to waste. this means ill be taking 19 from now on. SCHOOL!! WOW!! yeah, i guess it's very exciting.

where was i this past month. was i even on this planet??

Could you ever want me to love you
Could you ever want me to care
Disregard my nervousness please ignore my vacant stares

shell, i'm sorry but those words (by the violent femmes) reminded me of you. well of me and you. not about each other you sickos! whatever im obviously post-happy. eeee!
UM IM SO TIRED IM SO TIRED i just wanted to post those lyrics

isn't "blister in the sun" a realllllly nasty image ? it reminds me of someone who would have warts on their hand.

HAHAHA Bill Maher

crap i didn't realize how much i have to do. it's always like that. anyway i went surfing, ordered digi pics, and picked up my mom so everything is good!! well not everything, but the important things. actually i didnt really go surfing. the ocean was a BEAST. but i enjoyed sharing a common frustration with every other surfer there (not that i'm a surfer). anyway god i love tp. if i could only express to you how much i LOVE it. it's the only place in the world i can completely totally be myself (even the parts of myself i don't understand) and it is okay. how freaking lucky that i discovered such a place. i bet many people are still searching.

SOO much shopping and packing to do. i don't know about this summer. a little bummed i didn't get to see much of my mom and enough of my friends. but such is life, right ? just gotta appreciate the good moments. but i'm really going to try to suck more out of life. there's no point in being mood or depressed. there's just not enough time. it's really that simple... days, years, LIFE is too short to be depressed or upset or to hold grudges. sitting here listening to wish you were here just makes me so sad. thinking about people i don't know anymore or will never know. but i guess i have plenty ahead of me. i don't even know what i'm saying.
i just expect so much out of people. they don't deserve it, but i can't help blaming them.

LIFE IS SO SAD. i mean, it's so good but it's so sad. and it is such a gift. every day is such a priviledge. and i get to go away and meet all these new people (although nearly all of them will disappoint me) and learn interesting things. it's all so beautiful. i sound like a retard but... right now i think i'm just feeling everything a little more than usual. like zach braff when he got off medication. except i never took any. wow i feel almost raw or something. i think it's the music

my mom is home and life is SO FRAGILE. just hearing all the things she had to say about her experiences in new york... how someone can go from young and vivacious to old and thin and weak and skin and bones in just four months. i mean, i live in this bubble

with my ocean, friends, family, work, car, music, hobbies. and there is so much bad i never think about and it could totally happen to me or someone i love. i don't mean i should dwell on that stuff but. it's just important for us to realize how good we have it. we have it SO GOOD.

the ocean. art like modigliani's portraits. friends and family. the moment music reaches perfection. it's almost enough to not be scared of dying. it's almost enough to say "i've had an amazing life". i don't know what i'm talking about. this post is clearly illogical and unorganized. it's just scary because

i feel time slipping through my fingers. that sounds like crap but i promise i FEEL it. where the hell did this summer go. what did i even do. have i affected people? have they affected me? what have i learned. how am i different.
i know one thing. i spent too much time "out of it". shelving books without thinking. staring at the wall on my breaks in fifteen minute intervals. not that i should be thinking all the time. but i gave up too much time to routines. i don't want to do that anymore. i want my life to be different.

i have to shop. i have to pack. i have to leave. (btw a few pics are up on imagestation now)

good news! i fixed my imagestation uploader so now i can put pics up. my vacation pics, john mayer concert, and random recent stuff needs to go up. i honestly didn't shoot much this summer though. no time; there's never any time.

hey hey i am feeling happy. because... if someone doesn't lover you then they aren't that great, huh? not in like a everyone should lover me conceited way, but in the way that... someone who doesn't like you obviously isn't good for you. so there has got to be someone else out there... maybe not "better" but better for you. and that's probably the key to getting over people. can't force someone to lover you, after all. imagine being forced into lovering someone else... yuck

i had a successful day. cleaned the entire house in the morning, took salo shopping w sadie too, then joined michelle for sunset viewing at tp (AMAZING), coffee & cake (gracias a shelly) in old town (at your place, kat), and creepy men watching err avoiding at the Gaslamp.

and theres nothing like going downstairs at 230am and finding the front door unlocked. calling all rapists and murderers.
but on a happier note, i am constantly amazed by life and the beauty of people and nature. i need to stop taking things so seriously. as cake says, from the moment youre born you start dying.
so you might as well have some fun. yes, im trying =]

and tomorrow is another beautiful day. SURFING and MY MOM RETURNS> could i asked for anything else? i don't think so.