okay sadie im really sorry but something bad may happen with ethan.. but dont worry because it will all work out in the end. so dont get sad or hate me or anything.

stace isnt at work. shes out creating situations that she can write about in her journal. and shes out LOSING THE BET.

me and shell didnt exactly find lovers. we found one and then there was an anti-lover that cancelled him out. basically, we were at SCHLOTSKYS DELI (funny name, serious sandwhich) and i went to order turkey bacon and this guy was like "we're out" and i gave him this mean look and he said "just kidding" and i really wonder how many times hes done that to people. so then he looks at my shirt (looks at my boob? bc thats where the logo is..) and says: do you go to ucla? and i feel really cool so i say YES. but then he asks me how i like it and i have to say: actually.... i'm just starting this year. and he asks me if im from here and why i dont go to ucsd and it turns out that he goes to ucsd and hes from bakersfield and he doesnt like ucsd too much, it's too "geeky". so i say, oh im sorry. then he totally creeps me out because he goes on the other side of the glass and starts cleaning or sweeping only he's like secretly watching me and shell or something. and when these ugly girls come in, he turns his hat sideways to be "cool". but he was nice, i guess. anyway... there WAS a lover..he was making the sandwhiches and when mine was done he said "358" into a microphone and his voice screamed lover. he was tall with brown hair and a nice face.. except when he was sitting down earlier, his hair was blonde. i swear. anyway when igot my sandwhich he said thank you AND have a nice evening, which basically makes him double lover, even if it IS his job.

later kids

michelle, youre a punk. if you guys only have each other then i only have myself. i finished THE THINGS THEY CARRIED. and you know what is really crazy? i didn't cry. i really didn't cry. and this scares me because i cry soooooo much when i read war books... or basically any book where anyone dies. it sort of scares me because it makes me think that i am immune to death.. well not death, but reading about it. ive read about it and cried over it so much that there is nothing left. that's really weird. cuz it really was a good book.. and i really wanted to cry. and i couldnt.

last night, the hot greek man, KOSTOS, left lover letters on my car.

dear michelle,

this is your loving kostos. I have left my wife and illegitimate child to spend my life with you. Please do not reject me. I want to TALK TO YOU.

and my favorite:

KOSTOS WAS HERE.

These made me want to fall into a coma. HAH sorry sonya, I think I'm going to steal it from you=)

"At its core, perhaps, war is just another name for death, and yet any soldier will tell you, if he tells the truth, that proximity to death brings with it a corresponding proximity to life.... Though it's odd, you're never more aliv than when you're almost dead."

"Right spills over into wrong. Order blends into chaos, love into hate, ugliness into beauty, law into anarchy, civility into savagery. The vapors suck you in. You can't tell where you are, or why you're there, and the only certainty is overwhelming ambiguity."

this book is beautiful and amazing.

let's NOT go back to the old layout, please. change is good.

i just talked to doug (online). i feel like he's so much more mature and everything.. it makes me feel really bad. i am selfish, lazy, immature, unappreciative. i dont know anything about the world. he's really nice. it made me really sad. he is just so nice.

since when did nice people make me sad? maybe its bc there arent enough of them alive.


i sort of feel like my life is a mess. or maybe i feel like it just stopped. the classical music part in 'bittersweet symphony' motivates me to do something but i dont know what it is. gray skies have the same effect. right now im listening to it under a gray sky and yet, i am doing absolutely nothing.

picture this: michelle in a zorro costume. sadaf in a zorro costume. michelle and sadaf hanging out in their zorro costumes going all over san diego taking pictures in photo booths like idiots because they want to find nino...and because they only have each other.

I found out that over on the east coast they have mexican restaurants called "sam diegos" teehee.haha.hoho.get in mah belly.

my eye is INFECTED. its really sick and red and full of veins. I have no idea what is going on!!

I tried talking in my accent to some guy that was in sadafs old stats class--who works a pacific--and he humored me even though he knew that I was full of it. **You're soo full of it!!** then I stopped because it was just, over...thanks sadaf and stacy... and he's like what happened to your accent?! I think it scared him with my manly voice :D

I dont know if I like this new "layout"-- I thought it was time for a change, but maybe not.

wowowow. this SUCKS... i'm dying to go surfing again but i cant because there is a very creepy middle aged man with a yellow kayak that i SWEAR is trying to murder me or rape me or something. and yesterday was so wonderful too because i was motivated and brave and i got these 2 fast waves that made me feel SO good. but then i had to get al of my stuff together and run away as fast as i could to escape him. now im too afraid to go back.... so i guess ill use this free time i have to do my laundry bc i have like 5 loads i need to do. i can surf tomorrow and all next week and then.. .H A W A I I!!!

i LOVE absolutely LOVE it when the 4 of us hang out and today sadaf started making me sad... i guess wont think about it bc that doesnt make anything better. but i cant believe reality is just one month away. when are we finding our roomates out? i didnt get a letter today.

THE GRAY SKY MAKES ME SO HAPPY. i'm gonna take care of some stuff: writing letters, laundry, the story, cleaning, --nevermind-- SLEEEEEEEEEEP!

anyone up for the beach tomorrow after 4?

this is a test.

POW POW POW POWPOW POW POWPOW POWPOWPOWPOW I HATE HATE HATE HATE technology!!!!! I had this LONG POST and now its just gone. die diiiiie!!!!!

I'm so pissed that I can't even re-write it all. so now I'm gonna keep going like its all still here...

BASTARDS.

Sonya' s dream made me deliriously happy....like falling into a coma....or deliriously making love to you--I mean, thinking of you.

Yeah, now it just doesn't make sense without the rest of my post. Bloody hell!!

oh, you know what's really cool? when you're writing something and you write a word but you don't exactly know what it means.. but it sounds like it's placed correctly into your sentence... and so you look it up, and it turns out that it means exactly what you wanted it to mean. !!!! cool.

i'm sick of writing. the story. my blog. my journal. e-mails to various people. handwritten letters to doug.

^5 ways that i have been spreading my self-important stupid non-sensical writing. it is an epidemic that must stop.

oh, something funny-- > there is this part in Amelie where a Russian man is on TV talking about The Glass Man and how his interventions into Amelie's life have been futile. the man is STALIN! ! ! cool.

when you have a lover the world is so simple but so complicated. is it just me or does everyone want a lover? even if it's for a week or two, even if it's someone they would have never considered a lover otherwise. even if he is super ugly with really bad style and crummy hygiene and he doesnt laugh at the right things. PLEASE LOVERS. come out, come out wherever you are. i know of four lovely ladies who are waiting for you. if the mountain doesn't come to muhammad...

i'm making a bath and i think the water is overflowing. bye!

tomorrow i am waking up EARLY. jogging at te beach if it is dry. doing my laundry. maybe going somewhere to write the story on my laptop. I AM DOING ALL OF THOSE THINGS BECAUSE I AM GOING TO BE IN A GOOD MOOD, DAMMIT.

i know i shouldn't worry so much about the future. it seems like other people arent. it seems like everyone has it figured out and is on their way!!! Hi, I know computers are my thing and I am going to be this successful engineer and I will be happy doing just that my whole life. I'm gonna be a journalist and touch other people's lives with my self-important UN-important psychobabble. I can't see myself being happy as long as I am working. That's stupid. I should shut up. I should just go to college... maybe (hopefully?) there will be something that I will fall madly in love with and then I will be like: YES THIS IS IT, THIS IS MY CALLING. and then it will be okay. but why do i have the strongest feeling that I am one of those people (like my mom), that never finds that? AHHHHH i need to stop stressing OUT rawjroewjr9-i4t

tomorrow will be a good day. i promise (myself).

running shoes, skirt, jean capris, cordouroy jeans, camisole...
laundry hamper, trashcan, alarm clock, shower tote thing, sheets, lamp, fan?
books, notebooks, pencils and pens and the like

I know it's fake but I really really wish I was (were?) Amelie. I want to work in a little French cafe called The Two Windmills and I want to spend all of my free time doing random nice things for people. In the evening I want to come home to Nino and bake my famous plumb cake and maybe invite The Glass Man to dinner and Lucien to dessert. I WANT THAT TO BE MY LIFE.

Okay I am going to start planning out possible lives for myself.

1. Try really hard at UCLA, get a job after graduating, stay here...
2. Try really hard at UCLA, go to grad school right away on the EAST COAST
3. Try a bit at UCLA, get sort of bad grades, get into a crappy grad school, ruin my life, live with my parents forever...
4. Join the peace corps after UCLA and then see what happens
5. Go to college but then decide to do freelance work
6. Go to college, work for a bit, save up all of my money and leave the US and travel all over Europe, spending as little money as possible...
7. Become an artist
8. Meet a lover, get married, and who cares about the rest
9. Get pregnant


I'll probably try really hard at UCLA. No one will want to hire me with an undergrad degree so I will take out a bunch of loans and go to law school back east. If I meet a lover at UCLA, we will probably a) split up, b) he will go to grad school on the east coast too, or c) i'll stay here for school if i love him a billion. If I don't meet one (which will most likely be the case), then I'll just head east and see what happens there. I'll probably hold down some type of part-time job there while I'm going to school. If I meet a big huge lover then I'll graduate, get married, secure a job, have kids... If I don't then I'll probably go to a bunch of bars to try to meet men but it won't work and so I will be single forever. So if I meet a lover, we will both become work-a-holics and we'll buy our children lots of nice stuff, but no one will really be happy. If I don't find one then maybe I'll finally find my independence and then I can see and experience lots of cool stuff so when the time comes to die, I feel okay about it.

I REALLY REALLY WONDER WHERE I'LL BE IN 10 YEARS. Not at the reunion, I can tell ya that.

that weird poem thing was from matt. there's no way i would have found something as insane as that.

okay can someone please tell me why i am in a poor mood? i just spent a lovely evening baking cream cheese marble fudge brownies (with a hint of khalua) with stacy and michelle and we watched... AMELIE (yes for the 5 millionth time). Earlier I got to talk to Doug on AIM for a few minutes, and before that I spent a lovely day swimming and watching Bend It with vish & stace. AND IT RAINED WOW WOW WOW MY FAVORITE. soooo... what is my problem?

i should never read other people's blogs. other people should never read mine. i shouldn't check my email a hundred times a day when i know there is nothing there. i shouldn't try to write because i only end up dissapointing myself. okay, no... i know why i am really annoyed. i just dont want to write it because that will make it real. but here it is, i think...

well it's not like i could every really explain this because its this huge overwhelming topic... but anyway.. i think about it every day and with each time i wake up i am closer and closer to it because it is thi: the future. and i am so scared of it. i've basically narrowed down the possible majors careers 9-5 jobs to a select few that wouldn't kill me. but it's like... any time i hear about anyone else my age pursuing this or doing it or getting a taste of it, i just get completely unmotivated. i don't really know why. it's not really that i'm jealous. it's just that it makes me think that that isn't what i really want. what do i really want? to write FOR FUN, to travel, to have kids and play with them, to learn a bunch of languages and see a bunch of cool places and just be in love, i think. but it's like... you aren't allowed to have all that without working for it. and i know traveling is expensive and so is raising kids if you want to make life comfortable for them... but at the same time, i don't want to give in to some 9-5 cycle where i compromise everything, including my sanity, for a paycheck. i already waste so much life sleeping. i don't want to waste the other half working on things that, in my opinion, aren't important. so then sometimes i get this urge to do something like help a third world country but then... can someone really make a difference? you can devote your whole life to that kind of thing but... there will still be millions of people dying. i know that's a really sick sad view of it all because you can change one persons life and that can be enough but i just feel so dissilusioned by the magnitude of the world and the multitude of those who populate it. i am no one. i am insignifcant. i sit here and write on my blog and try to find meaning in my life but when it comes down to it i am no one.

do you ever stop and think: i am a person. i am alive. and someday i will die. i don't know when, but it's going to happen. "am i living it right? why, georgia, why?". it's scary to think that if you really wanted to, you could join the peace corps after college. you could leave the comfort of the U.S. and go teach English in a poor country with little or no pay. You can go dig toilets in some village and receive only lodging and cold beans in return. ISN'T THAT CRAZY? you could decide to go to grad school and become the CEO of some huge financial corporation. you could write a novel and become a new york times bestseller. you could write a novel and go into debt because only two copies were sold, and they went to your parents. you could have one kid or five kids or ten kids and you could raise them in San Diego or Kansas or New York.

I don't want to have those possibilites. I want to know my destiny now, and then I want to just follow through with it, guided by the comfort that it is my destiny and I am definintely doing the right thing. I really wish someone would un-confuse me.

one afternoon in the middle of the night
two dead boys got up to fight
back to back they faced eachother
pulled out their knives and shot eachother
a deaf policeman heard the noise
came and killed the two dead boys

the rain is making me so happy i really really feel like my heart could burst right about now.

I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM!! I KNEW I would because I woke up after 2 hours of sleep with this hORRIBLE headache... It's this headache that I used to get when I was small. You won't understand but it feels like I'm at the beach and I'm trying to count EVERY SINGLE GRAIN OF SAND. AHHHHH. It's even painful to write about. Anyway, I swallowed a pill, and somehow it actually worked (I thought I was immune to medicine?). So the dream...

Stacy, Michelle, Sadaf and I were sitting on something in the middle of somewhere and KOSTOS was leaving back to Greece. Sadaf was very upset because he was HER lover but the rest of us were probably equally as upset because we secretly lovered him too. Michelle got up to say goodbye to him and he kissed her on the cheek. OKAY I CANNOT EXPLAIN THIS IN WORDS. He pulled her REALLY close to him and he let their faces ALMOST touch for just a second and then he -reaaaallly slowlyyyy- brought his lips to her face and he didn't actually kiss her cheek... he kissed her just a tiny tiny tiny bit to the right of her lips so it was ALMOST like he was kissing her lips. I was sitting there watching it and I swear I could feel it and I just wanted to scream. Sadaf and Stacy were busy doing something else. Then I knew it was my turn. I got up and faced him and he did the exact same thing, only to me it felt like it was in super slow motion and it felt like he was in love with me or something. It's like... every time he did that, he made the person feel like he was in love with them. When he brought his lips to my face I felt this electric shock all through my body and I honestly felt like I was going to fall backwards in a coma. Sadaf and Stacy were doing something else.. and.. that's all I remember of that part.

I know, I'm insane.

The whole time I still didn't see his face. I saw a lot of bronze and brown and olive and celery, because that's the colors the Traveling Pants lady uses to describe her people. But he was tall and freakin hot. Okay then suddenly we were like transported to a hotel type building... just me, Stace, and Michelle. Sadaf must have gone off to roll around in some bushes with Kostos, the hot Greek man. So we were walking around this hotel and we saw an old lady that looked like she'd be related to Matt and next to her, a guy that looked exactly like Matt. We passed by them but didn't say anything and when we got around the corner I was like "oh shit!!!". I yelled it just as this big fat trailer-trashy white couple was walking by. They stopped and the woman was like: "Excuse me. Do you have a problem? Don't use that word." And she started yelling at me and going on and on about how she was going to beat me up for cussing. And I was actually talking back to her. Her husband started pulling her away and finally I said "Uhh.. sorry" and then her husband put this American flag over her mouth to shut her up. We saw Matt and Michelle got to hug him right before he dissapeared into this door. He was visiting someone so he had no time to see us. I turned to Shell and asked, "Where are we? Matt's supposed to be in St. Louis..." (In actuality, DREW is in St. Louis, Matt is in Iowa). Michelle said some state... I don't even remember... and then I thought of how weird it was that we had run into him.


THE END!

I just saw the best commercial ever. Its for diet coke. Theres this lady watching an old movie that has humphrey bogart in it and yeah shes drinking her coke...but shes by herself and whispering all the lines from the movie. And theres this guy whos behind her a couple of rows, and he sees her like saying the lines. He drinks his diet coke too then gets up to sit by her. Shes sitting in an aisle seat and he just moves to sit on the opposite side of the aisle. She doesnt even notice him until he talks to her using humphrey bogarts words. She replies back to him in the lady's voice. Then he gets up and offers her his hand, she takes it and they start dancing in the aisle. THe best part of it is, it all takes place in an old theatre house :)

i'm sorry but I HATE YoU and YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON!!!!
!!!!!!!
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stoppppppppppppppPP life ruiNEr!!!! SELFISH
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mel gibson. danny glover. tom cruise. tom hanks. sharon stone. hugh grant. halle barry. michael douglas. catherine zeta-jones. ray finnes. kristin scott thomas. lucy liu. clint eastwood. guy in white shirt. john travolta. julia roberts. morgan freeman. brad pitt. jennifer lopez. antonio banderas.

$100 if you know where thats from. excluding sonya, sal and sals friends. no telling and splitting the money either.

pleaseee type AMELIE into kazaa and download the main theme. wowwww.

stacy would NEVER post those on here without some serious revising. even if they are "fictional". =)

Chronicles of a Frosh Baby Summer are well under way... yao yao yao wao wee yo hee waaaefmrophmoptjh gkmmgrroepofdvg eeeeee

yes sonya, you can borrow the book. stacy, i'm disappointed in you. well, not really because i bet you that sadaf hasnt even started the 1st book! so there, you're off the hook :)

stacy you should post the journal entries....i havent written in a while because i'm just DEAD.

2 weeks of summer left. NOOOOO! They can't take me alive!!

yah i had flashbacks--- flashforwards?-- of the future also! and then i wrote an email to doug and i said I THINK I LOVE THEM (the frosh babies)!

speaking of doug.. his dad left some pictures on my car for me. haha him decked out in his "navy whites". ah he looks so skinny it makes me sad. but he's probably just fit, not skinny. anyway

yesterday i went surfing and it was so nice. it was worth carrying my board for 15 minutes while my hand went numb. OCEAN I LOVE YOU.

there is so much i need to do. clean my room, do laundry, shop for clothes, shop for college stuff, order my textbooks (HEY MICHELLE CAN I BORROW YOUR 'THE THINGS THEY CARRIED' for a quarter??), finish reading the second sisterhood, write in my journal, take care of some money stuff

yaaay and i am going to hawaii!!!!!! i have to research the surf there. oh and last night i watched MRS.DOUBTFIRE and after seeing it 50 times i still think it is sooooo funny.

BYE