i blame it all on a shooting star

blogger ate my really long, really annoying post. it's probably a good thing becuase it was just complaining mixed with lyrics to songs that i only claim to know because it's what you'd want.

goodbye, blue sky. stop teasing me

bits and pieces of pablo neruda cut up and pasted back together for your enjoyment:

you swallowed everything, like distance. like the sea, like time. in you everything sank

cold flower heads are raining over my heart

in the childhood of mist my soul winged and wounded

oh the bitten mouth, of the kissed limbs, oh the mad coupling of hope and force in which we merged and dispaired

cold stars heave up

only tremulous shadow twists in my hands

and the poem falls to the soul like dew to the grass

while the blue night dropped on the world

i cast my sad nets into your oceanic eyes

choking my lost heart

and no one saw the moon that bled in my mouth or the blood that rose into the silence

cut your body into turquoise pieces

lost among a thousand mouths that i have kissed

in other news, today at storytime, instead of 40 kids... around 65 showed up! and when we were all done, 9 more asked to do the craft. i was soo overwhelmed for about 2 or 3 hours. but then the rest of the day was very relaxed.

and i'm trying to learn my first memorized song, dust in the wind so i can play it with a guitar ;D!! i've never memorized a song before... haha

my mom and i just went for a walk at torrey pines in complete darkness. when we got to flat rock there was this really huge fat very dark guy thing that was just sitting on the sand with his legs stretched out in front of him. this guy was massssssive. like really thick legs and arms and i was soo scared. he was like a cannibal tiki man. so we walked away quickly and then i saw a gay couple and my mom stubbed her toe and stubbed it again and then the mood got kind of ruined. but whatever, i still enjoyed myself.

comfortably numb is definitely the way to be. hey lately i've been wondering things... why haven't i read more books. why have i wasted so much of my life. why didn't i spend more time on art. why is my sketchbook almost empty. why did i give up writing. why i haven't i been giving myself that important alone time. i don't know what the answer is.

i was talking to my mom about how i think it's very strange that had we not moved to the US, i'd have a completely different life, and i asked in what ways it would be different. her answers made me a little sad. she said i'd be more cultured (they read A LOT more literature there). she also said i'd know more interesting people... which at first sounds rude, as if people here are boring or something... but then she explained that we live in this consumerist society and we're kind of boggled down by mass media and everything, but in russia people don't trust the media. they don't trust movies or radio or television or magazines because it was/is all propoganda. i guess that leaves more time for literature, music, art, and getting to know the people around you. i hope that doesn't offend anyone... it sounds elitist or something but america really is behind europe in some things (um, culture). k ill shut up

i used to care, but things have changed

yeah theres only one reason why i know that but so what at least im educating myself

monica's desktop last year

this is how i feel right now

the most beautiful woman ever

matt, barb, and vanessa :-)