Surround yourself with lovers.
Thank you Darcy and Nino:)
Gabriel Dufayel Lucien Collingon.
I'm so exhausted. I'd kill for sleep, I'm not kidding. I don't even know why I'm posting (again) because I could be sleeping and then I wouldn't have to kill anyone.
I always look at my schedule and think about how many hours I have to be awake during the day. No time for naps! I'm always up at like 6 in the morning and dont get home till 10 at night. THEN I start my homework. This stresses me out just thinking about it.
Tomorrow: work/church and possible homework time or hangout time.
Monday: school/work/school and study for big exam.
Tuesday: OFF!! but school for big exam--->SLEEP.
goodnight
Saturday, September 18, 2004
First Morning, resurrection. haha first tme i got to sleep-in in sooo long. And Everything's Gonna Be Okay. because, like, the harder you fall the quicker you get up. (if that makes any sense). and my momma comes home tomorrow evening and she's going to make everything all better! except for this stab wound on my middle finger on my right hand. it won't seem to go away and it hurts every time i type. but that's nothing compared with everything.
i should have stopped working a week earlier. i think i missed that time where i'm supposed to relax and do nothing so i can prepare for "The Adjustment". did they get you trade cold comfort for change? that's exactly it. but maybe these next four days will do the trick. can i get bored in four days? i hope so.
it's so funny though. the way we can forget anything. get adjusted to anything. we humans are very adaptable creatures. it's just any time you're thrown off a routine you suffer a little bit of trauma. BUT THERE WILL BE LIGHT!
now it's istanbul, not constantinople
why they changed it I can’t say
people just liked it better that way
!!!! cleaning, shopping, seeing my wonderful friends. and tomorrow: SURF!
i should have stopped working a week earlier. i think i missed that time where i'm supposed to relax and do nothing so i can prepare for "The Adjustment". did they get you trade cold comfort for change? that's exactly it. but maybe these next four days will do the trick. can i get bored in four days? i hope so.
it's so funny though. the way we can forget anything. get adjusted to anything. we humans are very adaptable creatures. it's just any time you're thrown off a routine you suffer a little bit of trauma. BUT THERE WILL BE LIGHT!
now it's istanbul, not constantinople
why they changed it I can’t say
people just liked it better that way
!!!! cleaning, shopping, seeing my wonderful friends. and tomorrow: SURF!
so you think you can tell/ heaven from hell/ blue skies from pain
do you think you can tell
did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts
how could i not have known about something so good for so long. and yes, they did, by the way. and no, i can't.
we're just two lost souls swimmin in a fish bowl year after year. have we found the same old fears.
WISH YOU WERE HERE
it's funny how when someone sings something to you it just makes so much sense. like the lyrics take on a new meaning. this, like everything else, is of course dangerous. what else is dangerous? gossiping. i always tell people more than i intend to, more than they need to know.
but one thing i find funny is that i said bye to one of my bosses today at her house. we talked for a while. and only a fewat minutes after i said bye did sal point out to me that the right side of my face was covered with smeared black mascara. remnants of a lost love. NOT! haha. maybe it was just purple haze
OR SOMETHING
excuse me while i kiss this guy? the sky? jordan catalano. it's like i thought so much about him that he became a part of me. like he was living in my soul. word, angela. word.
still i wish you'd change your mind if i ask you one more time but we've been through this a hundred times or more.
OR I'VE been through this that much. you've been through NOTHING. it's a price you have to pay when you live this way. even though you can't help it. like schitzophrenics... they lead tortured lives. this is on a smaller scale but i think you can almost classify it as a very tame erotomania- is that what amelie had in HLM, HLMN? i think
so what's next for me. life-size medicine pill collages!
nope, it's time to move on. WHOA IF THE GOOD TIMES ARE ALL GONE THEN IM BOUND FOR MOVIN ON ILL LOOK FOR YOU IF IM EVER BACK THIS WAY. what can i say ? The Man speaks and the timing was all too perfect. does this mean things are changing for the better ? i hate that everyone says im moving on to Bigger and Better things, but maybe i am. i guess right now i can't see any type of future but there is one way. and what i thought was very Real was just a DISTRACTION keeping me from the Truth.
so how am i supposed to distinguish between the distractions and the real stuff? whatever, i am he as you are he and you are me and we are all togetherrrr! coo coo cachoo!
the good times are all gone. im bound for moving on. that makes so much sense. in my head at least. if only it made sense in my heart OF HEARTS! HAHAHA
I ONLY HOPE THAT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS i become super EXCITED for school and my new life. if it's possible, i've become LESS prepared to leave home. last year i wanted to. now i feel established in san diego. it sucks going back and forth all the time. it's really hard. and all summer i told everyone i LOVED ucla. did i? or is that something i said because everyone else did, because i was supposed to? WHAAAT? gee i hope i do love it. otherwise at transfer time
but ill miss some stuff at work. books, storytime, some people. but it's good because that was place was NOT helping my health (mental, physical) at all. BYEEEEE
do you think you can tell
did they get you to trade
your heroes for ghosts
how could i not have known about something so good for so long. and yes, they did, by the way. and no, i can't.
we're just two lost souls swimmin in a fish bowl year after year. have we found the same old fears.
WISH YOU WERE HERE
it's funny how when someone sings something to you it just makes so much sense. like the lyrics take on a new meaning. this, like everything else, is of course dangerous. what else is dangerous? gossiping. i always tell people more than i intend to, more than they need to know.
but one thing i find funny is that i said bye to one of my bosses today at her house. we talked for a while. and only a fewat minutes after i said bye did sal point out to me that the right side of my face was covered with smeared black mascara. remnants of a lost love. NOT! haha. maybe it was just purple haze
OR SOMETHING
excuse me while i kiss this guy? the sky? jordan catalano. it's like i thought so much about him that he became a part of me. like he was living in my soul. word, angela. word.
still i wish you'd change your mind if i ask you one more time but we've been through this a hundred times or more.
OR I'VE been through this that much. you've been through NOTHING. it's a price you have to pay when you live this way. even though you can't help it. like schitzophrenics... they lead tortured lives. this is on a smaller scale but i think you can almost classify it as a very tame erotomania- is that what amelie had in HLM, HLMN? i think
so what's next for me. life-size medicine pill collages!
nope, it's time to move on. WHOA IF THE GOOD TIMES ARE ALL GONE THEN IM BOUND FOR MOVIN ON ILL LOOK FOR YOU IF IM EVER BACK THIS WAY. what can i say ? The Man speaks and the timing was all too perfect. does this mean things are changing for the better ? i hate that everyone says im moving on to Bigger and Better things, but maybe i am. i guess right now i can't see any type of future but there is one way. and what i thought was very Real was just a DISTRACTION keeping me from the Truth.
so how am i supposed to distinguish between the distractions and the real stuff? whatever, i am he as you are he and you are me and we are all togetherrrr! coo coo cachoo!
the good times are all gone. im bound for moving on. that makes so much sense. in my head at least. if only it made sense in my heart OF HEARTS! HAHAHA
I ONLY HOPE THAT IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS i become super EXCITED for school and my new life. if it's possible, i've become LESS prepared to leave home. last year i wanted to. now i feel established in san diego. it sucks going back and forth all the time. it's really hard. and all summer i told everyone i LOVED ucla. did i? or is that something i said because everyone else did, because i was supposed to? WHAAAT? gee i hope i do love it. otherwise at transfer time
but ill miss some stuff at work. books, storytime, some people. but it's good because that was place was NOT helping my health (mental, physical) at all. BYEEEEE
Friday, September 17, 2004
haha i'm fine. f-cking drama queen.
but ooh crying is so therapeutic, when i'm crying for me and not anyone else. you can cry over someone or you can cry over yourself and it feels very different. there are two wounds- one bleeds but the other takes a little longer to heal. hopefully not too much longer.
but ooh crying is so therapeutic, when i'm crying for me and not anyone else. you can cry over someone or you can cry over yourself and it feels very different. there are two wounds- one bleeds but the other takes a little longer to heal. hopefully not too much longer.
i'm at work and i'm not supposed to be writing this, but i just wanted to say that i am SO stupid and i should have never cared. and i think i'll just say (and this may be true) that i DIDN'T care- it was just my crazy mind playing tricks on me. sometimes it is hard to decipher between what you really feel and what you only think you feel. and all i can do is be thankful that it's over.
hehehe
hehehe
Thursday, September 16, 2004
you know the past few posts i have spit out without even thinking of what i was writing as i wrote. that's probably why they don't make sense. i was just writing down whatever image i saw in my head. right now i'm seeing images of darcy, because that's all i saw the past three hours. and its funny because nothing else matters haha. darcy kind of cancels everything out. but i know thats stupid and when i wake up tomorrow everything will be back. and then i'll begin that slow process of recreating myself once again. each time it's new and each time i doubt myself but it all turns out okay in the end. sooner than later is better than not, i suppose, until one day it just is. and thats why darcy makes me soo ridiculously happy.
tomorrow is my last day of work.
tomorrow is my last day of work.
Isn't it strange that we can sum up all we want (or think we want) out of life in a few bulleted sentances? And yet actually getting what we want out of life is a long and complicated process usually filled with suffering and struggle.
Stacy--I havent mailed your cd yet. tomorrow I PROMISE. I know you should just shoot me. But I like your life!! I think you should give marriage a little more credit though. Come on, despite popular frosh baby belief, there are darcys/ninos/zach braffs in the world.
Today at Jamba juice I saw a little boy buy animal crackers but the people at the registers kept overlooking him (literally) and it took some nice people to realize that yes, this little boy is in front of you in line.....ya JERKS!!
[ Light the Night, San Diego: Oct.2nd ]
supporting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
interested???
p.s. now accepting donations;)
How strange that the only place we exist together is in my dreams.
Stacy--I havent mailed your cd yet. tomorrow I PROMISE. I know you should just shoot me. But I like your life!! I think you should give marriage a little more credit though. Come on, despite popular frosh baby belief, there are darcys/ninos/zach braffs in the world.
Today at Jamba juice I saw a little boy buy animal crackers but the people at the registers kept overlooking him (literally) and it took some nice people to realize that yes, this little boy is in front of you in line.....ya JERKS!!
[ Light the Night, San Diego: Oct.2nd ]
supporting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
interested???
p.s. now accepting donations;)
How strange that the only place we exist together is in my dreams.
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
At the risk of being annoying and turning-off my faithful audience
oh screw that. just stop reading; this isn't for you anyway.
(is anyone else with yahoo! mail really tired of looking at that brunette lady on the website?)
[ it's quite interesting to think that you will meet many people in your life but will only truly get to know a small number. how long does it take to know someone? to really know them? and in what setting? and arent we all really dozens of people? and i guess what upsets me about this is that i have met someone let's say semi-interesting and the getting-to-know thing is about to hit a dead end. true there may not be that much more to know or just that much in general but what if there is. and what if its really good. one, it doesn't matter because there will be so many other people to know and learn from. two, this is one of those things i will regret when i'm older. i guess what is annoying is that i have no choice in the matter. even if i wanted to be really gutsy... where would that get me? or perhaps even more frustrating is that i have that decaying hope that something will happen but really, nothing can. and it's not even the moment that nothing happens (is that really a moment?).. oh okay, it's not really the moment that it will all be over. it's the process of getting there. it's agonizing, kind of like dying slowly but much less dramatic and much less painful. physically, at least. that's really what it is. that decaying process that has been lasting the past few weeks, days, hours. from the beginning it was a countdown to zero- the time the potential would run out (im getting this image of sand in an hourglass). it's like you know you only have so much time left with this person you are so close to and you just want to spend every waking minute with them. EXCEPT. you aren't close to them and they don't want to spend those minutes with you. and you don't know them and you shouldn't care and it shouldn't matter but for some reason it matters more than anything else. it's so satisfying when two people are both trying to get the most they can out of each other before some certain deadline but it is so so unsatisfying when that specific feeling is unrequited.
it's too bad you can't transplant thoughts into someones head and feelings into someones heart. and it's too bad you can't read what they are unable to say. but maybe it's good, also. because there is a time and a place for everything and if it just isnt there or something else is off then it shouldnt be forced. things work out, dont they? and unrequited (word abuse) love- infatuation, rather- passes, right? that's not the problem, anyway. it's the process.
the
agonizing
process
which is luckily almost over. and there will be a bitter aftertaste but that doesn't always last. you can but you don't have to last forever. so i will CHOOSE to sleepwalk through the next few days and slap myself awake and life will be just as i knew it before
would it be possible to be any more dramatic?
oh screw that. just stop reading; this isn't for you anyway.
(is anyone else with yahoo! mail really tired of looking at that brunette lady on the website?)
[ it's quite interesting to think that you will meet many people in your life but will only truly get to know a small number. how long does it take to know someone? to really know them? and in what setting? and arent we all really dozens of people? and i guess what upsets me about this is that i have met someone let's say semi-interesting and the getting-to-know thing is about to hit a dead end. true there may not be that much more to know or just that much in general but what if there is. and what if its really good. one, it doesn't matter because there will be so many other people to know and learn from. two, this is one of those things i will regret when i'm older. i guess what is annoying is that i have no choice in the matter. even if i wanted to be really gutsy... where would that get me? or perhaps even more frustrating is that i have that decaying hope that something will happen but really, nothing can. and it's not even the moment that nothing happens (is that really a moment?).. oh okay, it's not really the moment that it will all be over. it's the process of getting there. it's agonizing, kind of like dying slowly but much less dramatic and much less painful. physically, at least. that's really what it is. that decaying process that has been lasting the past few weeks, days, hours. from the beginning it was a countdown to zero- the time the potential would run out (im getting this image of sand in an hourglass). it's like you know you only have so much time left with this person you are so close to and you just want to spend every waking minute with them. EXCEPT. you aren't close to them and they don't want to spend those minutes with you. and you don't know them and you shouldn't care and it shouldn't matter but for some reason it matters more than anything else. it's so satisfying when two people are both trying to get the most they can out of each other before some certain deadline but it is so so unsatisfying when that specific feeling is unrequited.
it's too bad you can't transplant thoughts into someones head and feelings into someones heart. and it's too bad you can't read what they are unable to say. but maybe it's good, also. because there is a time and a place for everything and if it just isnt there or something else is off then it shouldnt be forced. things work out, dont they? and unrequited (word abuse) love- infatuation, rather- passes, right? that's not the problem, anyway. it's the process.
the
agonizing
process
which is luckily almost over. and there will be a bitter aftertaste but that doesn't always last. you can but you don't have to last forever. so i will CHOOSE to sleepwalk through the next few days and slap myself awake and life will be just as i knew it before
would it be possible to be any more dramatic?
okay, i can't handle it anymore. you've really worn out my sanity, whoever you are. seriously- whoever you are. because like, i don't even know!!!! HA-HA!! oh god. oh god. ohh it's like i'm insatiable or something. insatiable and insane the letter I spells disaster. the chemistry is all wrong. chemistry, physics, time. is there anything right about it? i could really use a collar and canine leash, although i can't tell you what for. or maybe just a string (and a rock to wrap?). the giants do make SOME sense, though. if i had a rock and a piece of string, i would tie the string around the rock and i would bring it with me everywhere as my special friend. then i wouldn't have time for all of this nonsense. IT'S JUST. yeah, just that. i wonder what i'll be reincarnated as. maybe a grain of sand and then someone with a splitting headache will count me in their palm. HAHAHAHA. either that or hot pink nailpolish, but only the really hot kind.
i taste like nail polish remover.
it's the kind of taste that doesn't leave your mouth for a long time but you'll be gone tomorrow so hopefully i'll be okay. i mean, it's easy to forget someone, right? it's definitely easy to forget ME. too bad i remember everything about everyone. i also remember quirks and idiosyncracies and habits and the shape of a forarm, a solitary hair that gets in the way, the very distinct way an eye opens and closes when someone blinks.
its those kind of things that can drive someone insane. i mean, imagine paying attention to all of that all the time. like, information overload. crusty mascara.
nope, i'm not ready to say goodbye yet. SHUT UP AND DEAL
i taste like nail polish remover.
it's the kind of taste that doesn't leave your mouth for a long time but you'll be gone tomorrow so hopefully i'll be okay. i mean, it's easy to forget someone, right? it's definitely easy to forget ME. too bad i remember everything about everyone. i also remember quirks and idiosyncracies and habits and the shape of a forarm, a solitary hair that gets in the way, the very distinct way an eye opens and closes when someone blinks.
its those kind of things that can drive someone insane. i mean, imagine paying attention to all of that all the time. like, information overload. crusty mascara.
nope, i'm not ready to say goodbye yet. SHUT UP AND DEAL
I have to say that it's quite humorous to know that I'm not the only crazy person. Going along with sonya's logic, I cleaned for my husband on saturday, fed him and did his dishes on sunday. I wasn't going to blog about this because I was afraid people would think that I'm crazy/pathetic but I've made him my boyfriend in my spanish class.
what time and with whom did you eat with?
I ate at 12 with my boyfriend.
what did you do yesterday?
I visted my boyfriend, we looked at an apartment and played with dogs.
All of which are completely true; all those things actually happened. I consider him mine and the fact that the feeling isn't completely (or at all) mutual is irrevelant.
what time and with whom did you eat with?
I ate at 12 with my boyfriend.
what did you do yesterday?
I visted my boyfriend, we looked at an apartment and played with dogs.
All of which are completely true; all those things actually happened. I consider him mine and the fact that the feeling isn't completely (or at all) mutual is irrevelant.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
hey, i know you, i walked with you once upon a dream. the difference between me and other, saner (?) people, is that my dreams do not end when i wake up. today i baked for my husband and tomorrow i will wash his dishes.
there's nothing like a one sided relationship to stretch your imagination and exercise your creativity.
or! when you're totally not expecting someone and WHOA they are there all of a sudden. so it's like you kind of wake up but not really and you totally want to be all smooth but you so obviously "started". i hate that word but they always use it in novels to describe that jumpy spazzy motion one does when he is startled. "she started at the sound of his voice". what is that? anyway, i started.
Aww he was protecting me..he likes me.. my knight and shining armor
symptoms include sweaty palms, mild dizziness, headaches that come in tiny little flashes like bursts of electricity, nausea, a rush of blood to the head, and the total inability to say anything funny or cool or even regular.
today i taught my last storytime. i received many hugs and even a small carrot cake. i'll miss those little boogers. and even their boogers. at lunch i ate one chicken sandwich at a picnic table at a deserted park. i watched scrubs and an episode of law and order SVU about a pedophile. it was actually very interesting because this lady had a brain tumor and she couldn't control her urges or something. sick bastards. at least i don't take my sexual frustration out on children. but then it wasn't really her fault; but it was.
seven more days in san diego. three more days of work. two more interesting days of work. ahh i'm not ready. i think i want to transfer to ucsd. i'd have: a new car from my mom, a job at the library, a child care job for these library patrons, and a beautiful talented husband. wait, no, i'm just kidding. why did i even say that. god.
i'm boney, i'm boney, leave me aloney.
there's nothing like a one sided relationship to stretch your imagination and exercise your creativity.
or! when you're totally not expecting someone and WHOA they are there all of a sudden. so it's like you kind of wake up but not really and you totally want to be all smooth but you so obviously "started". i hate that word but they always use it in novels to describe that jumpy spazzy motion one does when he is startled. "she started at the sound of his voice". what is that? anyway, i started.
Aww he was protecting me..he likes me.. my knight and shining armor
symptoms include sweaty palms, mild dizziness, headaches that come in tiny little flashes like bursts of electricity, nausea, a rush of blood to the head, and the total inability to say anything funny or cool or even regular.
today i taught my last storytime. i received many hugs and even a small carrot cake. i'll miss those little boogers. and even their boogers. at lunch i ate one chicken sandwich at a picnic table at a deserted park. i watched scrubs and an episode of law and order SVU about a pedophile. it was actually very interesting because this lady had a brain tumor and she couldn't control her urges or something. sick bastards. at least i don't take my sexual frustration out on children. but then it wasn't really her fault; but it was.
seven more days in san diego. three more days of work. two more interesting days of work. ahh i'm not ready. i think i want to transfer to ucsd. i'd have: a new car from my mom, a job at the library, a child care job for these library patrons, and a beautiful talented husband. wait, no, i'm just kidding. why did i even say that. god.
i'm boney, i'm boney, leave me aloney.
Monday, September 13, 2004
Why don't People just tell each other what they are thinking. it would make Everything so much easier. people wouldn't walk around interpreting and assuming and denying because they would be aware of something called the Truth. but nowadays the truth is always filtered through like five people and then reworded and twisted and all messed up. it's all that damn White Noise (as don delillo writes). think about it for a minute. every message you get is distorted by soo much noise. really, how clear is any message? what does the person actually mean... what do they imply (purposely or accidently) by the WAY they relay the message. and bringing in a middle party just messes everything up even more. writing of MESSED UP, how about Timing. Has timing EVER been on my side? no, actually its screwed up anything that had the potential of becoming good. So NOISE and TIME, you can just get out of my life because you're not making anything any easier.
i just don't understand why life can't be as simple and pulling someone (by the collar) into a closet?
i just don't understand why life can't be as simple and pulling someone (by the collar) into a closet?
I just want to sing a song with you
I just want to be the one that's true
You are all that I need
You are the secret I keep
What's worse than a one-sided relationship is a dead-end one sided relationship. It drives me damn near crazy that I'm so emotional over this BOY. Afterall, he's just one person...just a boy. Honestly, I get myself so worked up to the point where I think I'm going to burst. and it cuts like a knife to know that not only are my affections towards this boy one- sided, but that he can never know. How cruel is it to have the simple joy of feeling, only to stifle emotions because of social sanctions!
Go watch the trailer for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and swoon over he that is Mr. Darcy!!
p.s. there are more links in your brain than atoms in the universe.
I just want to be the one that's true
You are all that I need
You are the secret I keep
What's worse than a one-sided relationship is a dead-end one sided relationship. It drives me damn near crazy that I'm so emotional over this BOY. Afterall, he's just one person...just a boy. Honestly, I get myself so worked up to the point where I think I'm going to burst. and it cuts like a knife to know that not only are my affections towards this boy one- sided, but that he can never know. How cruel is it to have the simple joy of feeling, only to stifle emotions because of social sanctions!
Go watch the trailer for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason and swoon over he that is Mr. Darcy!!
p.s. there are more links in your brain than atoms in the universe.
I am so exhausted. I don't even know how I woke up and drove to school and stayed semi-awake in my classes. When I got home I went straight to sleep for 2 hours. Now I have to study to a quiz when all I want to do is fall over and sleep.
what is it about a person that makes them likeable? attractive and desirable? or uninteresting and unlikeable?
How scary and exciting is it to think that a breath is all that separates you from the object of your affection. All you have to do is lean a few inches to the left or take that extra step forward and have your whole life changed.
what is it about a person that makes them likeable? attractive and desirable? or uninteresting and unlikeable?
How scary and exciting is it to think that a breath is all that separates you from the object of your affection. All you have to do is lean a few inches to the left or take that extra step forward and have your whole life changed.
my, my would you look at the time. (and i'm waking up at 7 to take salo to school and then im heading to work). but it's a-okay because i like spontaenous long talks with wonderful friends. i love you!
a long day because after flute lesson i went tp and tried to surf but there were SOOOOO many people there. disgusting. i totally failed. and then my sis and dad and i went to a vietnamese restaurant and then i helped salo w math and theeen at like 10pm finally went to sadies house and fell asleep (OF COURSE) watching amelie.
i'm rather excited for work. please please don't disappoint me. just one more week. let it be good. thank you.
goodnight my stomachs making NOISES
a long day because after flute lesson i went tp and tried to surf but there were SOOOOO many people there. disgusting. i totally failed. and then my sis and dad and i went to a vietnamese restaurant and then i helped salo w math and theeen at like 10pm finally went to sadies house and fell asleep (OF COURSE) watching amelie.
i'm rather excited for work. please please don't disappoint me. just one more week. let it be good. thank you.
goodnight my stomachs making NOISES
Sunday, September 12, 2004
yipee i finally had my first W dream (and i'm not talking about the president, ya got me?). and i don't mean WET DREAM. matt, you're gross but thanks for pointing it out. no, i did not have my first wet dream. i think that only happens to guys. i'll just go on pretending that dreams happen in an alternate universe that truly does exist. ooh how exciting. if i end up getting into that fiat luxe seminar, i'll propose the idea to my professor. an alternative universe where he does love you. que interesante . also, i miss spanish a lot.
everyone's saying different things to me. different things to me.
still can't get enough of the Garden State soundtrack.
we live in a beautiful world.
i just had a floot lesson in lj. yuck ive been driving so much. my dad wants to go to the beach so i'll probably pop the board in the rendezvous soon and head to tp with him. very convenient. i miss my mother. she is in new york and there is a lot of bad stuff going on there :-( if i prayed, i'd pray for them, but i don't, so... i will just hope for the best. even though the future is pretty much predictable. but i will hope for less pain for everyone. whatever. i don't even know what i'm saying. but i feel bad for being so hard on my mom. my natural, instinctive tendency is to be a brat. that's so sad, but i'm working on it.
i don't really have any thoughts. i don't really think anymore... about anything. just go through the motions. that's when time passes quickly. when you dont have time to think, you just do. that's why work is so weird... i'm talking all the time but i'm not thinking about what i'm saying or what i should be saying. it's so much easier to talk to myself. i'm so out of it. when is the last time i thought about anything? i am a robot. I AM NOT A ROBOT. haha.
my goodness this soundtrack is amazing. every song.
now please excuse me while i kiss the sky
everyone's saying different things to me. different things to me.
still can't get enough of the Garden State soundtrack.
we live in a beautiful world.
i just had a floot lesson in lj. yuck ive been driving so much. my dad wants to go to the beach so i'll probably pop the board in the rendezvous soon and head to tp with him. very convenient. i miss my mother. she is in new york and there is a lot of bad stuff going on there :-( if i prayed, i'd pray for them, but i don't, so... i will just hope for the best. even though the future is pretty much predictable. but i will hope for less pain for everyone. whatever. i don't even know what i'm saying. but i feel bad for being so hard on my mom. my natural, instinctive tendency is to be a brat. that's so sad, but i'm working on it.
i don't really have any thoughts. i don't really think anymore... about anything. just go through the motions. that's when time passes quickly. when you dont have time to think, you just do. that's why work is so weird... i'm talking all the time but i'm not thinking about what i'm saying or what i should be saying. it's so much easier to talk to myself. i'm so out of it. when is the last time i thought about anything? i am a robot. I AM NOT A ROBOT. haha.
my goodness this soundtrack is amazing. every song.
now please excuse me while i kiss the sky
the work situation isnt getting any better. I did drive up to mission viejo yesterday to work with the guy who loves miss saigon. he calls me "miss saigon" when he calls our store. anycrap, it was waaay easier to work there because it just seemed like people were ready and WILLING to spend a crap load of money. Most of the stuff wasn't even for them or their family. There was a piano store next door and I really wanted to go inside but I was afraid they'd yell at me.
I hate driving on the 78.
Yesterday the sky looked like something straight out of a childern's book. I kept thinking "toy story" but it was quite nice.
and today I'm going to kill myself.
I hate driving on the 78.
Yesterday the sky looked like something straight out of a childern's book. I kept thinking "toy story" but it was quite nice.
and today I'm going to kill myself.
another long day. in the morning i took my mommy to the airport because she was flying to work. then i headed straight to nyc, which went well. the OC guy wet his pants. i worked on some "projects". and thought about how i should have more guy friends. how would i go about doing this. yes, after work i concluded, for the 100th time, that guys are more fun and interesting and far less annoying than girls. then i left without saying bye to anyone and went "surfing" with matt, barb, and salo. (waaaay too much seaweed). jamba juice, and back home when! karen calls and suggests seeing a play about the 60s. being the spontaneous person i am (?) i say... sure we can get there in 30 min! and we hurridely rush downtown and get there JUST IN TIME (after getting lost, parking, running to bank, buying tickets) for the start of the play. it was called Boomers and it was a musical. i enjoyed it... pretty much because of all of the AMAZING music that came out of the 60s (see Simon & Garfunkel, for example). yaaah, so good. now im home, i have a HUGE unidentified bite on my leg, im HOTTTTTTTT, and tired. aaand goodnight.
i'm traveler of both time and space!
i'm traveler of both time and space!
