sorry, had to do a little editing in that photo section. aand, after 25 hours of flying it is good to be back.

oh and michelle, you drafted your post-- i didnt know if you wanted it posted or not so i didnt do it but its there, hidden.

Is today our first real day of winter? How appropriate that it should be today. The weather is looking quite drab and beautiful.

I was reading my "new year's" post from 2003 and there are so many things I've lived through that I'd forgotten about. In 2003 my resolution was to not be so insane... even then I was afraid of being moronic.

Go wash his own moron face!

I can't remember now what my resolutions were for this year, just like how I wont remember my resolutions for 2006 when the year has ended. But here's a good one for 2006: Don't lover your professor. Sounds nice, right?

Wanting to buy yo-yo ma & have crush on Capt. von Trapp!!

what I learned today: Jane Austen's writing desk is in the 'Treasures' room in the British Museum...right in there with the Lindisfarne Gospels and the Magna Carta.

hi im in florence. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! (buon natale).
i miss everyone :(

ill be back new yrs eve.. hope you guys are finding time to relax (michelle).


LOVE
sonya

I cant help but think that maybe I'm taking on too much with school. I know how much pressure I put on myself to complete this specific list of courses in a given amount of time, and sometimes I think that I'm asking far too much of myself. I have this ridiculous concept that I need to do x,y,z... in order to have this sick sense of accomplishment. And if I dont do x,y,z then I tend to look at what I didnt finish rather than what I did. But all that means is that I'm CRAMMING in all these courses and almost trying to rush things just so I can finish them before I graduate. And isnt that a bit hypocritical of me? I mean, doing things (granted, these are all courses I want to take) just for the sake of having done them at college, in hopes of grad school? I almost think I should calm down and lessen my course load by staying an extra semester. That way, I can stretch things out a bit more and maybe appreciate what I'm learing, or what hope to learn, a bit more as well. But I cant kill the ache of failure that attacks my heart at the thought. I know, I'm so lame. What's more, I have this constant battle of what I want to do and what I must do. I'd like to take French. But by how things are going, I probably wont be able to fit it in because I must get everything in that I need to graduate.

And I also feel like I should give up a minor, but I'm too stubborn. I really just wish they would come out with the summer class schedule already because that would answer a lot of my questions and things would be a lot clearer.

so many petty things to worry about on christmas eve. someone should shake me. violently.

dec. 05

I had my last major final this morning. I totally went into the Latin thinking that it was just going to beat me senseless...but all the studying over the weekend paid off. And I mean, all the studying in the darkness of the library because the lights wouldnt turn on. The funniest thing was that people just didnt care! They were going to study for their finals in the darkness even if it killed them...thats some dedication. For our study group I was sitting at a table of hopeful teachers...some of us wanted to teach high school and others at university, but either way, it was surprising. And I must admit that its kinda nice to know that there are a select few who will be in my latin class every semester. And I'm not talking just about my professor haha. Anyway, the thing that saved me this morning was that I actually reread the narrationes so the latin->english translation wasnt too bad (except I didnt know the meaning of the word decerno, decerere, decrevi). The thing that killed me was those damn prepositions! all in all, I felt pretty good about it, but we'll see...

Also this morning, I couldnt open the water bottle I bought from the Aztec market...I'm not kidding when I say that I almost injured my hand. But when I passed it off to a guy in my class, he opened it easily. whatever, I loosened it for you buddy. I also ran into this woman from my old spanish class in the parking structure. I felt a little guilty because I saw her and avoided her gaze by looking at my phone. But she knew that I had seen her and called me on it. I'm surprised she remembered my name... see BOB, some people think I'm worth remembering!!!

And now I'm on the brink of being done with the semester...just this ONE paper to finish. But its going not going very well at all. The fact that I've chosen to write this post instead of a paragraph for my paper will only add to my stress tomorrow. And I really wish professors would post final grades because seriously, there's crazies out there like me who check online every hour and it gets to be annoying.

odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri, sentio et excrucior.

this is not a good time to be a slacker...my first final is tomorrow! yikes. also, I'm at a loss of what to do...maybe start the round of applause tomorrow?

did i ever write on here that i miss russia every single day? ahh it drives me crazy during the day and is all i can think of as i fall asleep at night. i miss my trip i miss everything about it I MISS RUSSIA!!!! im such a displaced soul

i'm feeling very happy. i've loved this quarter. i LOVE my internship and the people i've met through it and am so glad i'll be in it all year. and mentorship too-- so many ups and downs and interesting people. well, one final day, two to go + a take home one.. but i have allll week. and THEN- italy! i am in a very good mood :)

so I'm thinking I'll do a raspberry vanilla trifle just to mix things up a bit--but of course, minus the sauteed meat:)

I have to post this otherwise my laughter will be the death of me. I suppose I should say laughter and embarassment because I feel equal parts ridiculous and humour. And should my laughter escape me, I would cause a ruckus in the otherwise silent library. Anyway, I walked into the computer lab and saw a kid from the club that went conmigo to the norton simon. Now, I honestly thought about just walking straight to a computer (I have a paper to revise) and being my usual anti-social self, but for some reason, a fit of decency overwhelmed me and I chose to stop say 'hello.' Can you say rejection? Well I can, and it sounds something like this:

me: Hi! (v. enthusiastic and damn right smiley, I must say)
him: (on the computer, he looks up & looks at me like I'm a complete stranger. He hesitates) hi.
me: (determined not to let my smile falter, although I know it does) How are you?
him: good... (or some other monosyllabic response. theres still no recognition in his eyes)
me: (finally given up) you dont remember me... (and before he has time to
respond)... we went to pasadena
him: ohhhh right, the museums... and the van...
me: haha right the van...
him: I'm sorry Im so engrossed in translating... so when a stranger comes up to me, I'm a little...(out of it?)
me: hm. what are you working on?
him: plato
me: for what class?
him: 599 its the...
me: who teaches it? (even though I know the answer)
him: Cook..
me: how many people are in that class?
him: 2
me: (smile) oh, well, I was just wondering. anyway, I'll see you later. bye

Really one of my finest moments. and not at all awkward. really. I so didnt even regret trying to be a nice person. but man, trying not to laugh about it, even now, is hard! I did like though, how he was straight faced and somewhat cold until I explained how I knew him...and then his expression was "softened" (I hate saying that) by recognition. I guess what threw me was that he was such a nice guy and to be on the recieving end of aloofness where you expected niceness sorta sucks. Not to mention the fact that it does great things for your self-esteem...not to say that I think I'm entirely a person of substance worth rememberance but whatever, we all hope. this just goes to show that I remember far more than I am remembered. The other thing that I would like to call attention to is that he used the word "stranger." and theres really nothing more I could say about that...

all in all, I think I shall not venture into the land of the hospitable again. my lone island is good enough for me:)

---
for ashley, my tenative schedule:
M: 11-12//7-940
T: 930-1215//2-640
W: 11-12
TH: 930-1215//2-315
I'm still annoyed that they dropped my oceanography class!

"and a hidden love is far more potent than one which
is worn on the sleeve."

:)

this weekend I didn't get much done in the way of schoolwork. I did, however, put up my Christmas tree:D It took up the better part of my saturday because half-way through stringing the lights...they went out. and so down come all the other lights and I had to start all over again. I also got a good part of my shopping done and that translates as me staying away from the malls during the holiday rush, and that is always a very good thing. I am currently thinking about doing the rest of my shopping online just to avoid the frustration of trying to find parking, standing in line, and battling it out with an old lady over the last pair of gloves. shoes. shirts. whatever. so I will pay your shipping fees, Banana Republic! I will make an account with you, Gap, because you have spared me from the chaos of aisles that are too small for people with large strollers.

I had a drug free weekend. And I had to pay for it last night when I had a major attack of my disease. I forgot to pick up my perscription friday night & the pharmacy was closed all weekend... I had to go saturday and sunday without anything. I thought I would be alright because it was only 2 days, but I was soo wrong. And so I wonder now how long I will have to take my drugs...and how does one know if they begin to be dependent upon them? It just depresses me because why why why cant I function normally?

craig thompson

On this day (December 3rd)

ONE YEAR AGO-- we met Orlando Bloom!
TWO YEARS AGO-- I posted something that I still think is really funny so i'm going to re-post it!

Some things to Do Before the Inaugural:
> >
> > 1. Get that abortion you've always wanted.
> >
> > 2. Drink a nice clean glass of water.
> >
> > 3. Cash your social security check.
> >
> > 4. See a doctor of your own choosing.
> >
> > 5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild.
> >
> > 6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter.
> >
> > 7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying.
> >
> > 8. Hoard gasoline.
> >
> > 10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional
> > law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer,
> > etc.
> >
> > 11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it
> > now.
> >
> > 12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY!
> >
> > 13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can.
> >
> > 14. Stay out late before the curfews start.
> >
> > 16. Go see Bruce Springsteen before he has his "accident".
> >
> > 17. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition.
> >
> > 18. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America".
> >
> > 19. If you're white - marry a black person, if you're black - marry a
> > white person.
> >
> > 21. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a
> > base-jumper.
> >
> > 22. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class.
> >
> > 23. Start your school day without a prayer.
> >
> > 24. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations.
> >
> > 26. Learn French.
> >
> > 28. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends.
> >
> > 29. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US.
> >
> > 30. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list.
> >
> > 31. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt.
> >
> > 32. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive.
> >
> > 33. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill".
> >
> > 34. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State

life is so busy. i really feel like a crazy college student. third year is so different from first. i am slightly annoyed right now. i am holding out for one big opportunity for this coming summer and i just found out that instead of being posted in december, it will be posted in mid march. MID MARCH. that means if i dont get it, i'll have about 2 months to figure out what i'm doing this summer. this has happened in the past and it isn't fun when you get rejected. they really should have stuck with december. on the positive side, this gives me more time to get myself ready to make everyone else who interviews look bad.

other than that....my life basically consists of mentorship. whenever i sit down to study, read, write a paper, talk to friends or family, eat, sleep, the phone rings with mentorship-related issues and i end up sorting them out into the wee hours of the night. i've been noticing myself complain a lot. but it's funny because it really isn't that bad. well, it sucks constantly being on the phone and going nuts, but it is so so worth it. i think so, or at least i feel so. it's one of those things that you pour yourself into, that drives you crazy with frustration, but that is so worth it. too bad what i really "should" be doing is studying for retarded psych classes.

i am so not a psychologist in the making. oh well, at least i know that.

so anyway, i have several things i need to conquer before i can enjoy the several things i am looking forward to. the former includes papers and finals. the latter includes italy and rosarito (haha, a funny combination). thats riiiight... rosarito with one hundred people! hahahaa a a a a

even when i'm stressed, i'm happy. i guess it's because i enjoy the stuff i'm stressed about. or because i know i kind of have a purpose (i think back to working at the college library and cringe... how are people still working there? ). or maybe it's because i have stuff to look forward to. whatever.

k im freaked out about stuff but the future makes me really really excited. especially certain possibilities: teaching, teaching abroad, working abroad, interning somewhere, trying to change something.

goodnight (choppyending)

the layout is under construction. I wanted something snowy...but the templates on blogger are severely limited. if anyone wants to change this, I dont mind (SONYA). I am supposed to be writing my paper, but I got bored after typing out my heading and one word: PARZIVAL. And so now I have just been playing around with the blog and eating cake. ughh. must focus. is it me or is it freezing? awesomely cold weather. on maybe its just my house because it looks awfully warm outside.

2.5 weeks left!! yay...and then I'm reading all thoughout break. all the books I only partially read for school: Inferno, Parzival, Roland (Ashley's probably laughing at me right now), as well as some books I've picked up but haven't started/finished: Memoirs of a Geisha (so I can watch the movie), and Master & Margarita (although I've been told by Sonya that it isnt as good in english). That is basically what I have down for my month long break--reading, and of course, eating. I love the idea that I don't have to do anything, and that I can fill my time with books and tea...my ideal winter break. I know, however, that it will be interrupted by social obligations.

I feel sorta horrible. I think entertaining my young cousins has made me sick. My throat is killing me! Dont ask me why, but I really want a raspy voice so I'm sorta hoping it gets worse. haha where's a sick monica when you need her?

okay enough. I've put this paper off for far too long already...

my room is my own once again. and the house is still. lovely:)

Im getting caught up in the shopping craze when I should be writing papers. 3 of them due this week. ehh. I actually went to class on wednesday and there was a whopping 6 people in latin. it was really quite hilarious. however, I had a stimulating conversation afterwards with some people regarding my amator. and that is a topic that is never exhausted:)

just a note, if I ever verbally vomit on you, I'm sorry. its only because I dont talk to anyone and so when an opportunity presents itself, I cant help myself. thanks for putting up with me! I love my friends! P&P, friends, tea and another round of sitting around the red bench, talking. hah what fun!

I feel like watching beckham, if only because I am reminded of cool words like "Latahz."

I feel like I'm going to explode...but I dont really care because I am that content:)

For your viewing pleasure, the BIOGRAPHY CHANNEL will be playing all 6 Pride & Prejudice episodes(aka the BBC mini-series) starting at 8AM tomorrow morning.

Happy Thanksgiving!! :D

i love my friends. nothing better than spending time in good company.
home can be the most relaxing place ever. .. im enjoying this SO MUCH

i want to go home. i need to be home. i wish i were home. i haven't been home since september. how is that possible.
class sign up tomorrow morning and i'm changing my majors/minors once again... when will it end. it's impossible to work toward something when you dont know what you want. at least i'm slowly eliminating. but im afraid ill graduate having eliminated everything and learned nothing.
i need torrey pines
the loud whisper of the ocean.... sleeping in my bed..... family..... friends....my mom's cooking.... driving down familiar pq streets.... i'm so sick for home.

so bored. I need something to fill my days. I've actually looked for homework to do. and now that's pretty much exhausted. loser status. and I'm also broke. things are not fun right now!:(

new possibility: classics minor. that is, in addition to my comparative literature minor. unbeknownst to me, I'm pretty much on my way there save one class. It all depends on French!

I found out that this girl in my latin class is a humanities major and I love how I started asking her questions just so I could size up the competition. yes, competition because she's supposedly graduating spring 07 too and I have big, secret plans. so of course I'm trying to figure out where people fall in these plans of mine. but whatever, its not like the other girls werent doing the same thingto me--and I say girls because I dont believe there are boy humanities majors. and there is a healthy competition (this of course, only exists in my mind)--the kind that will, hopefully, keep my on top of things:)

Fitzwilliam Darcy.
He is a handsome man, is he not? Yes, I dare say he is.

He is a dangerous man. He could quite possibly be THE most dangerous man in the whole of the world. And with a name like Fitzwilliam, you know he is not someone to be trifled with! He hurts my heart--a feat in itself because, as we are all well aware, my poor heart is made of stone. I cant quite believe that I'm dedicating this whole post to him...really odd, if you think about it. I dont have anything else, really, to post about save this lightheaded & lighthearted feeling.

man. Ive been sitting here trying to think of something else to SAY. but Ive got nothing. my life is pretty uneventful. and I sometimes wonder if I'm not a breath above death. habit is a great deadener. but those are dark thoughts that have no place in this post.

just so I wont end this post with that, I will say that love the new P&P soundtrack--you can hear the whole thing on the website LiSTEN

heres something else. this semester has been challenging but also terribly exciting. I feel like I've learned so much & why wasnt my first two years at university like this? I feel like this is what I've been waiting for all this time--what I always thought this learning experience should be. So I guess I'm happy. I maybe feel like there was this big question hanging over this semester--to see if I could meet this challenge and find what I was searching for.

I want great things. I want passion. beauty. I want real pain and real happiness. Honest tears and honest laughs. I want heartache and warmth. I want music and language. I want forgiveness and an even truer love.

so Im sitting here thinking about starting a brief write-up from my asian studies class. Last class I ditched the last part (in order to see another professor) and surprise I have to write about where I think I fall in this identity sphere. only, I dont know what any of it means. I copied the sphere from a classmate but he couldnt explain it to me. great. so now Im thinking that I'm just not going to do this assignment. bad idea, i know. I feel like I'm just getting lazy. maybe its because Im already over this semester and anxiously waiting for spring? in any case, I'm wasting time by posting this.

donated blood today @ a very abnormal/unhealthy? rate. 3 minutes. bleeder extraordinaire.

more pictures here.


Today (yesterday?) I took a trip up to pasadena with the club and right after went to shores for sadies birthday bonfire. The Norton Simon is fantastic. It's so beyond beautiful. The absurdly long drive up was well worth the hours I spent trapped in a van with one particular back seat driver with an inflated ego. It was also worth the starvation, deprivation of restrooms, and headache. I kid, of course. well, maybe just about the inflated ego;)

I wont mention who also attended the trip... but I will say that I was both pleased and disappointed.

Sadies bonfire actually happened. Who knew she would pull it off? She's been surprising all of us lately because if you consider her track record, she's pretty much a flake haha im joking. I only went to the final hour--just in time to clean up--and things went pretty well from what I hear, with the exception of one minor issue. Oh, and my gift was unwrapped and only partially there. Lo siento mi amiga. it was also pretty odd to go from hanging out in used bookstores and eating dinner (finally) with my professors to standing around a fire in la jolla surrounded by semi-intoxicated young people.

Something that surprised me on friday was the fact that it was my last day of work. why would that surprise me? oh, because I was unaware that it was my last day! I thought I had all of next week to work, but it was not to be. I felt weird because I didnt get to say bye to a few people--but I did get a card, flowers and balloons. OH. and I saw nikki from asb at this couple's rehearsal dinner. funny moment.

next semester:
Classics 340: classical civilization
Classics 202: latin
Humanities 402: renaissance
Humanities 404: modern euro
Oceanography 320: oceans

and one more time...

Happy Birthday Sadie T=)


finally, all the frosh babies are 20!

a little late but...

Heippy Birfday So*knee*yah!!! :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SONYA!!!


[posted by sal =)]

the more I research Grad programs the more I feel like I wont be prepared to go after graduation. I need to read more and know my languauges. Taking a year off is looking more like a reality than a possibility. I dont know whether to be happy or sorta disappointed.

I havent had much to say.

but tomorrow Im quitting my job. or taking a leave. or going on call. pick one, or all. it doesnt really matter in the end because the outcome is the same: I will be broke! oh wait, theres a possibility that Ive already passed the limit...but I cant find out for sure until monday. And if thats the case, then screw it Im working! but should I have to pay my own way next year, I'll need to pick up more hours & that means my grades will S.u.f.f.e.r.

and this has been my most challenging semester to date. I think that I care a little bit more this semester so Im trying a little bit more and stressing out A LOT haha. & these long days are just exhausting! but Im not complaining haha bc I love love love it all:) well, not ALL because my english class has sort of been a let down. still, Im over-all happy with how things are going... and I maybe feel like I'm accomplishing things daily that I never really thought I could do before. Which is motivation in itself:)

however, just one thing: Im a little afraid that I'll be a little too weary by the time I graduate...and that makes me nervous if I choose to go to grad school right away. But I CANT worry about this yet. otherwise I'll have a whole year of worry and agony...

I went to this lecture the other night titled, "Christians, Jews & Muslims: Musical Traditions in Medieval Spain." It was fantastic! Im so in love with Spain...it makes me smile.

thats all Ive got.

i guess i can't get mad at people for not posting when i myself have not posted in way too long. it's funny to think back to freshman year, when i wanted to be a writer (haha) and posted incessantly. well, i was also very lost then and found comforting in seeing my thoughts turned to words on the screen. i'm still lost, i guess, but in different ways.

i like it here. i was sitting in kerckhoff this evening, amidst the halloween decorations, listening to john mayer fill the cafe, and i thought: i like it here; i like it here; i like it here. almost everyone i have met this year i have liked. is it a change in everyone around me or is it a change in me? it's hard to say; it's hard to acknowledge change in yourself. but i know that (in contrast to freshman year) i like waking up in the morning and i like going to my classes and i don't even mind being on campus every day from 9-5 (and 5 will be 8 once mentorship picks up).

i love mentorship and the people i get to work with. it feels like my schoolworks suffering but screw it. we got 120 applications. soon interviews, decisions, training, and then the kids come... and it will get crazier and crazier but also more and more worthwhile. it feels good to be excited for something ahead of me.

it also feels good to enjoy the present. the past two years were like "i can't wait till this class is over", "i can't wait till today is over", "i can't wait till this week is over", and BAM the quarter is over and the year and i am 20 (soon). but now i'm finding myself involved in things i enjoy and it's quite revolutionary (yet so obvious and simple haha).

some things are bad too but i'm not going to write about them. why waste time & space.

um, so, as pretty-good as things are, i find myself trying to mentally re-live the summer ALL the time. this nostalgia manifests itself in many forms: struggling to finish master and margarita, scaring french guys by overwhelming them when they try to apply for mentorship...

so i think about the past a lot.

i've also been thinking about the future. like, i don't want to go to grad-school, or at least not for a long time, or at least not for psychology. i am so confused, but the more and more i hear about it at my internship, the more i'm like BLEH!*73&^%$! It really feels like once you're in grad school, THAT'S IT. once you have a career, once you have kids, it's over. once you have a husband it's over. but while you don't have any of that you're FREE. FREE to do random jobs, to travel, to go on adventures. by the way, i really think i am an adventurer. or i have it in me, at least.

i want to do random stuff for several years. because after that, it's over. some people may say it's just beginning, but they're lying. (haha because i know so much about careers and life and etc).

anyway.

salo was supposed to come for a fun-filled weekend but she got sick. poor little salo. tomorrow evening is the wine and cheese party, small problem- i can't speak french. next weekend, disneyland. 3-day weekend, san francisco. but now: WORK WORK WORK.

pathetic update, but an update nonetheless. goodnight.

I just got home from work and am completely exhausted...it was one of those ridiculous days at work where everything that could possibly go wrong, does. still need to study for my uber important humanities midterm--although I think the test itself will discriminate against those of us who write fairly LARGE (& in charge). BUT good news! Ive been waiting for days to hear back from the Registrar to see if my petition was approved, and it was!! Yaaay! Because honestly, I dont know what I could have done if it wasnt approved. happiness because now Im back on track with my classes and everything, thank God:) haha but opening the letter was pure agony--it was like college acceptance letter kind-of dread. The envelope was so light that I thought for sure I would be rejected--heart pounding and everything. But it was all for naught, though my nerves did get to have their fun:) now to sleep, but not to dream!
---

Darcy Love<3

Happy Birthday Matt!! :)

<3 San Diego

I dont know if I should post this because I feel like I should start weening myself off my lover of Latin. Especially because I went to visit him in his office--yes, 35 minutes of personal attention in an enclosed space--and now lover him more than ever! but I shall allow myself this last indulgence, and no more hereafter! I LOVER LOVER LOVER my professor!!! there. let that be enough. I shall be myself again Lizzy.

its funny how you finally feel adjusted to school when, out of NOWHERE, midterms are here. Those sneaky little punks. Trying not to panic though... I have enough to worry about withtout my nerves getting in the way. Thurs: CompLit, Mon: Latin, Tues: Humanities.

joy.

I see London, I see France!...

Im just putting this out there, but I was thinking about taking a trip to England in the springtime. Anyone want to go with me? I need a travel buddy. I was thinking spring break--so like a week or something--but it always depends on your break schedule. So yeah, just let me know if you are interested & maybe we can work something out...

Tenative: March 10-18

pulease someone come with...I dont want to go alone:(

lame.

a few things:

finally went to the doctor today in hopes that he could save me from death by rashes. it was a pretty hilarious appointment that included, among other things, doctors drawing on me with big q-tips:) in the end, Im just a mess so I have to take these pills for like 3 months.but at least I only have to take them once a day and it wont make me sleepy. I was beginning to think I was having a dependency on benadryl...I was almost embarrassed to say just how many I take in a day...yeah right, smoke/drug free except for this tiiiny dependency on anti-histamines! he also gave me this lotion that is "free of dyes, fragrance, masking fragrance, lanolin, parabens and formaldehyde." Thus, it smells like crap! crap bag on my skin, yay!

and my spanish lover--not to be confused with my latin lover--turns out to just be bad at spelling and not a jerk afterall:D

also, this morning sonya disturbed my dream featuring my latin lover--not to be confused with spanish lover--where he lovered me over his 'wife'. I was beyond disturbed and a little horrified when I came to. and in class today I was both embarrassed and highly amused by it all.

look at me, Im sick in so many ways.

oh, perhaps the most important thing: I submitted my petition for a late grading basis change. I thought I had no hope, but when I turned it in the lady at the registrar said some encouraging things. So now all I can do is wait 7-10 business days...

front page news hahaha

Ive come to realize that my life is more difficult than it needs to be because of me. I make things so much harder than they need to be. and its all i can do to get mad at OTHER people and cry about it later. ahhh i think i have a headache now. the short version of it all: Im taking a class for credit/no credit when I need to take it for a grade, and now its past the deadline to make any changes.

my head hurts. and this severe ponytail isnt helping.

i owe a few phone calls. i dont remember the weekend. played some board games, slept over. marina del rey, picnicking. at night things got crazy, but i didnt because i never do because i cant. the next day layed around at a park, talking. been doing a lot of that lately. i like yellow and orange leaves against the green grass. novel cafe, second time at the same table with the same stories. but it's so good to catch up. yesterday i went to bruin walk with 2 fun girls to camp out, 1:30am. hot chocolate, now and laters, sleeping bag races. woke up to paparazzi, can't wait to see the paper tomorrow. i'm out of it now, eating gobstoppers, avoiding homework. so much reading.

For a better tomorrow, cover your mouth today! ah-choo:)

while at work I was talking with the bartender, Erin, and a guest. Erin and I were both trying to cram in some homework while at work--me with english and latin. Erin told the guest that I was studying latin and he automatically says, "well thats not very useful..."
me: silence.
he continues, "unless you're going to be a doctor or lawyer or something."
he also accused me of not being focused enough.

I wanted to slap the hell out of him.

Instead, I mutter something about my plan to get a doctorate in the general area of humanities like with languages and stuff and how I also want to learn greek so how it will be useful to me. and just for kicks i add in, Lifes too long to be unhappy.

stupid jerk. he was telling me all about HIS job and I was just not impressed. it was soo boring and unattractive and so NOT what I would want to do. I freaking hate it when people think down upon like the arts and humanities. screw you. what Im learning is just as important as being some freaking lawyer. i bet you he doesnt speak any other language besides english. I bet he probably thinks that he should never have to learn another language and that everyone should learn how to speak english. I hate when people have no appreciate for art or history or literature or anything wonderful and beautiful because it has nothing to do with making money. stupid capitalists! I was beyond offended. Im sorry I want to improve my mind and maybe seek something more out of life than monetary success. Dont tell me Im wasting my time learning a bunch of useless things because Im not. where would life be without culture? everyone would be in their small cubicles staring at lifeless walls of endless blanched greys with no sense of the things that came before them. is it really that hard for people like him to understand that perhaps people actually like to learn about things for the sole purpose of interest?

This is why I should have my own island with my little english cottage, and piano and china collection.

I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed.

I know you can be overwhelmed, and underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed? I think in Canada?

or something like that. I shouldnt even be posting because all my reading is finally catching up with me and Im falling falling falling behind. Most of it is from that english class I complained about earlier. The mountain of reading that I have to do is my own personal everest... I shall conquer it! or die trying...

My English class is such a let down. I have to read about 100 more pages in 1.5 hours, but its the most boring stuff! I cant stand it. my mind keeps wandering. Its the most abstract reading ever. I would rather come to understand romantic poetry through experience rather than reading someone's verbal instructions on how they came to appreciate it. Im frustrated because I know I have to be responsible for this information but I simply cannot sit here and read 158 pages of interviews over the span of a few decades with the same person essentially saying the same stuff. ugh, I give up.

sonny Im glad you get to go to Italy!! How exciting although I feel like you just came back from the continent:D

haven't posted in a while... the last week was such a rush. i was working, trying to visit the beach, trying to see people i liked.. ended up packing at the last moment possible, as always. it was a very very good week in san diego, tho. i love san diego; i love everyone in san diego. (i love talking to clare and norma for hours at hot java!)

friday night i moved in and early saturday morning i left for my mentorship retreat. there's no point in talking about it because retreats are strange and wonderful and very surreal. we spent the day in santa barbara and then went to our motel in ventura. it was much-needed and great. it was cool finding quirky commonalities. boyband fanatic pasts, not being able to wink NOR whistle, traveling stories.. and it's amazing and sad how much people have been through. and you really cannot tell until you hear it from them. people are so so strong.

sunday we went to dennys (i thought of you guys) and then worked all day at the activities fair, trying to recruit guys so we can put the MEN back in MENtorship. i kept seeing people i knew or recognized, which helped put me back into school-mode. boy o boy do i love mentorship. then i met up with matt and we came back here to be bums. talked with kristie for a while, watched tv, saw his place, watched tv, went to kristies work but she wasnt there, talked more.

yesterday i had an interview for an internship. child psychology research internship. the topics they are working on are fascinating to me; the internship sounds too good to be true. i'm finally going to be doing something real, applying the stuff i learned. oh, i guess i should say i got it. they called me a few hours later to let me know. there will be 9 other interns, 5 grad students, and the professor who chairs it, who just happens to have really high ratings and is so cool. i am very excited but i am also going to die. the internship is year-long, with a 10h/wk minimum requirement. i'm not gonna start stressing until thursday, the day it starts.

after the interview i bought my books, left $400 poorer, made a Costco run with matt. boy do i love exploring new Costcos (!) i felt so old shopping for my own stuff. then we helped barb and karen move into their place and we all went shopping at Trader Joes (my favorite!!!). then matt and i went running and i felt sick but also good. after, i talked to kristie for a while and then went to barbs to watch laguna beach hahaha.

today i have no plans until 7 when i'm gonna meet yvonne to exchange europe stories. i'm going to set up my room, clean, read, eat, bum, maybe go to the gym. apartment life is awesome, so much better than dorm life. everything is right here!!! i really want you guys to visit.

today my mom booked our italy trip. i feel freaking spoiled but she hasn't gone on a vacation in a very long time and she says it's probably the last one we'll take together. it'll be weird going from traveling alone to traveling with my dysfunctional familybut hey it's italy. actually my italian friend strongly advised to go anywhere other than italy in december but our 4 schedules just don't match up at any other time.

so today, nothing. tomorrow: mentorship site visit! and thursday... it begins. it will be a strange quarter. between 4 classes, mentorship committee, and the internship i will most likely die. but then i have mondays (and almost wednesdays) off so i can catch up then?? i'm excited to see how it will all go.... !!!!!!!!!!!

more updates later... bye!!

I'm just waking up because my latin lover cancelled class (yet again) because hes delayed getting back into CA. I knew it.

anyway...

a few days ago, I spoke to my humanities professor/department chair about all my worries about what to do after graduation (i.e. grad school). He gave me a lot to think about. I'm worried that there wont be a place for me in the world once I'm finally ready to join it.

I think after I get my bachelors, I'll go straight into grad school. I sorta feel like theres too much I havent learned yet...and a degree in humanities is pretty much a joke so I might as well be on my way to getting my masters/doctorate instead of working some crap job that will do nothing for me in the end. But thats right, I want to get my PhD... I'll be like Ross from Friends, I get to say I'm a doctor but not really be one haha. It'll take me like five (maybe six) years to get my phd if im lucky.

its super difficult for me to figure out where/what I'm doing because I dont actually want to go anywhere. well, I sorta dont want to stay in SD but I dont want to be anywhere else either. I know, its strange but like I want something different except living anywhere else is not as good as living here. SD is a hard place to leave, I think.

But I stumbled across this really cool doctorate program, "Romance Languages and Literatures". Its sorta combines both my major(humanities) and minor(comparative literature) now--except theres a great focus on languages of either french, spanish, italian or german. The only problem is that its at John Hopkins University in Baltimore... It might be a possibility though, I think, maybe. I guess it really depends on how well I do this next year...and I think I could do okay in Baltimore bc I have some close family friends from when I used to live over there. If I decide to do that,or something like that, I might take a year off before applying to work on my languages. God knows how bad I am there.

One of the coolest days ever.

It started out with the Pride and Prejudice Tea Party at this quaint and beautiful tea house called the Aubrey Rose. I was joined by some friends from church and we sat and drank the most delicious teas I have ever had, along with the most wonderful scones, sandwiches etc., in the coziest little corner of the world, discussing Jane Austen and the lovely Mr. Darcy for somewhere along 3 hours. Later on we played the P&P board game--I won in the questions but for some reason couldnt get my couple to the altar:) A-mazing teas, food and Mr. Darcy...is that not a lovely way to spend a Saturday afternoon?

Afterwards I zoomed over to Del Mar for the Light the Night walk to benefit the Leukemia and Lymphoma society. Sorta late, but a pleasant way to spend the evening. I love seeing people get together for a good cause. Its beyond inspiring. Heads up for the cancer 3-day walk in october!!:D

with that my friends, goodnight.

I think sometime soon the world is going to explode. We've been polluting it for years, trashing oceans, cutting down trees, filling the air with crap, messing with the ozone layer. I think the Earth has had enough. It will either destroy us or be destroyed altogether. I kind of think the human race, a definite "parasite" (as it has been called by many smart people), deserves to be destroyed. We've killed off resources and some species of animals altogether. What right do we have? As I go to sleep under the (really, really scary) lightening, I do not feel certain that tomorrow will be the same as today. We can never be certain, especially with the way we're treating our Earth. I do kind of hope it doesn't explode in our lifetime, but our generation, and each one ahead of it, must take responsibility...

so things are winding down.

stacy has gone back 'up north' ;)

sonya/sadaf/matt moving up and away soon. too soon?

But I love mornings like this. I love sweaters and the chance to drink hot tea--but not weird teas with names like 'calm' or 'awake' because what the heck is that? I love not having work and not having school but just needing to read at my own personal lesiure. I sorta want this day to extend far beyond the standard twenty-four hours. Or at least seem like it does. Why is it that all the really crappy days always seem to drag onnnn for an unreasonable amount of time? they should stop that.

Something that I was thinking about when I woke up and was just lying in my bed--haha about 5 minutes ago, was me teaching. Im sure that the few people who read this blog know how I feel about the prospect of teaching, so i wont get into that. But I sorta started looking up TEFL programs the other day, and this morning I imagined (to the best of my poor underdeveloped imagination's ability) what it would be like if I went into teaching. What I would teach, WHERE I would teach, and if, by some odd reason, if I COULD teach. I thought too, that if I were a teaching I would stay away from things like RatemyProfessor--I wouldnt want to know what students had to say about me and the way I would teach because they would just make me feel sad and depressed. It was all very interesting because I had never really given into the notion of being an educator. But thats a whole different story. Anyway, so maybe TEFL but I would want to teach Latin and Greek too--oh, I decided to take Greek next year in addition to Latin. I dont know....maybe I should talk to my Latin profressor about this over coffee and a lifetime. haha :)

Paris

Moscow and St. Petersberg

The Russian Countryside

Your Type is ISFJ, Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging

after talking with Jackie, I decided to go home and take that personality test. Result? I thought I was an idealist, but apparently, I'm a Guardian:

ISFJ

The primary desire of the Protector Guardian is to be of service to others, but here “service” means not so much furnishing others with the necessities of life (the Provider’s concern), as guarding others against life’s pitfalls and perils, that is, seeing to their safety and security. There is a large proportion of Protectors in the population, perhaps as much as ten percent. And a good thing, because they are steadfast in their protecting, and seem fulfilled in the degree they can insure the safekeeping of those in their family, their circle of friends, or their place of business.

Protectors find great satisfaction in assisting the downtrodden and can deal with disability and neediness in others better than any other type. They go about their task of caretaking modestly, unassumingly, and because of this their efforts are not sometimes fully appreciated. They are not as outgoing and talkative as the Providers, except with close friends and relatives. With these they can chat tirelessly about the ups and downs in their lives, moving (like all the Guardians) from topic to topic as they talk over their everyday concerns. However, their shyness with strangers is often misjudged as stiffness, even coldness, when in truth these Protectors are warm-hearted and sympathetic, giving happily of themselves to those in need.

Their quietness ought really to be seen as an expression, not of coldness, but of their sincerity and seriousness of purpose. Like all the Guardians, Protectorss have a highly developed puritan work ethic, which tells them that work is good, and that play must be earned-if indulged in at all. The least hedonic of all types, Protectors are willing to work long, long hours doing all the thankless jobs the other types seem content to ignore. Thoroughness and frugality are also virtues for Protectors. When they undertake a task, they will complete it if at all humanly possible; and they know the value of material resources and abhor the squandering or misuse of these resources. Protectors are quite content to work alone; indeed, they may experience some discomfort when placed in positions of authority, and may try to do everything themselves rather than insist that others do their jobs.
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ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "need to be needed." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them; however, most ISFJs find more than enough with which to occupy themselves within the framework of a normal life. (Since ISFJs, like all SJs, are very much bound by the prevailing social conventions, their form of "service" is likely to exclude any elements of moral or political controversy; they specialize in the local, the personal, and the practical.)

ISFJs are often unappreciated, at work, home, and play. Ironically, because they prove over and over that they can be relied on for their loyalty and unstinting, high-quality work, those around them often take them for granted--even take advantage of them. Admittedly, the problem is sometimes aggravated by the ISFJs themselves; for instance, they are notoriously bad at delegating ("If you want it done right, do it yourself"). And although they're hurt by being treated like doormats, they are often unwilling to toot their own horns about their accomplishments because they feel that although they deserve more credit than they're getting, it's somehow wrong to want any sort of reward for doing work (which is supposed to be a virtue in itself). (And as low-profile Is, their actions don't call attention to themselves as with charismatic Es.) Because of all of this, ISFJs are often overworked, and as a result may suffer from psychosomatic illnesses.

In the workplace, ISFJs are methodical and accurate workers, often with very good memories and unexpected analytic abilities; they are also good with people in small-group or one-on-one situations because of their patient and genuinely sympathetic approach to dealing with others. ISFJs make pleasant and reliable co-workers and exemplary employees, but tend to be harried and uncomfortable in supervisory roles. They are capable of forming strong loyalties, but these are personal rather than institutional loyalties; if someone they've bonded with in this way leaves the company, the ISFJ will leave with them, if given the option. Traditional careers for an ISFJ include: teaching, social work, most religious work, nursing, medicine (general practice only), clerical and and secretarial work of any kind, and some kinds of administrative careers.

While their work ethic is high on the ISFJ priority list, their families are the centers of their lives. ISFJs are extremely warm and demonstrative within the family circle--and often possessive of their loved ones, as well. When these include Es who want to socialize with the rest of the world, or self-contained ITs, the ISFJ must learn to adjust to these behaviors and not interpret them as rejection. Being SJs, they place a strong emphasis on conventional behavior (although, unlike STJs, they are usually as concerned with being "nice" as with strict propriety); if any of their nearest and dearest depart from the straight-and-narrow, it causes the ISFJ major embarrassment: the closer the relationship and the more public the act, the more intense the embarrassment (a fact which many of their teenage children take gleeful advantage of). Over time, however, ISFJs usually mellow, and learn to regard the culprits as harmless eccentrics :-). Needless to say, ISFJs take infinite trouble over meals, gifts, celebrations, etc., for their loved ones--although strong Js may tend to focus more on what the recipient should want rather than what they do want.

Like most Is, ISFJs have a few, close friends. They are extremely loyal to these, and are ready to provide emotional and practical support at a moment's notice. (However, like most Fs they hate confrontation; if you get into a fight, don't expect them to jump in after you. You can count on them, however, run and get the nearest authority figure.) Unlike with EPs, the older the friendship is, the more an ISFJ will value it. One ISFJ trait that is easily misunderstood by those who haven't known them long is that they are often unable to either hide or articulate any distress they may be feeling. For instance, an ISFJ child may be reproved for "sulking," the actual cause of which is a combination of physical illness plus misguided "good manners." An adult ISFJ may drive a (later ashamed) friend or SO into a fit of temper over the ISFJ's unexplained moodiness, only afterwards to explain about a death in the family they "didn't want to burden anyone with." Those close to ISFJs should learn to watch for the warning signs in these situations and take the initiative themselves to uncover the problem.

http://typelogic.com/isfj.html
http://www.humanmetrics.com/

I sorta lover my latin professor. what an odd little man:)

T: not available
W: before 10 or maybe after 130
TH: after 7
F: before 4

Voila, our two options: Wednesday before 4 or Thursday after 6
Now we need Michelle & Sadaf's feedback...

you know what's sad? how excited i am to check my e-mail after i've been away from the computer for a while.

Availability: Tue before 11 or after 6, Wed before 3:30 or after 8, Thur before 11 or after 6, Fri after 6. "Ladies", please post yours so we can "coordinate" !

I hope you guys had fun today, from Coronado to B&N and everywhere in between.

Today I drove to L.A. for the first time by myself. (I know, big deal.) It was quite a pleasurable experience, one that reaffirmed how much I LOVE to be ALONE. Actually, I wasn't alone since Elliot Smith accompanied me on the 2 hour drive. To be honest, I was dreading going back to LA (it's LA), but the day actually made me excited for school. Our apartment is kind of charming and fully furnished. The surrounding streets are lined with trees and the apartments are all filled with people my age. Just walking around Westwood for a few minutes I already saw several people I knew and/or recognized, characters that strangely exist even while I'm gone (!).

After coming back from Russia I really really really never wanted to return to LA but I guess I wasn't letting myself remember the good stuff about it. Apartment. Coffee shops. Mentorship. The sub stand. I already have alllll this mentorship stuff to do (which is why I'm still awake at 2am; we are very behind). That's what I get for leaving the country and refusing to return (mentally, at least). I'm going to try to sort everything out as soon as possible so the procrastination doesn't taint the last 2 weeks of my summer. It's strange to have responsibilities again...but it's nice? It's nice because mentorship is something I care about, a lot.

I need to stop being retarded (thinking I will never be as happy as I was on my trip) and focus on what is ahead, not behind. Art history classes, new friends moving into Westwood, mentorship committee, finding volunteer work at a museum... LA you are a dirty smoggy nasty city but I am going to make the most of what you have to offer.

It's now past 2 in the morning and I'm still up because I've had a panic attack. what am I doing with my life? someone please tell me. A large portion of my life was more or less pretty planned out. And now I feel like I'm quickly coming to the end of a what? rope? road? School is safe. I like school. I think I shall endevour to remain in it (and consequently out of the real world) for as long as I can. The only thing is, after I graduate from State, I have no where to run. I've become incredibly unlucky in the sense that my major leads me to a dead end. A master/doctorate in humanites pretty much doesnt exist. actually, it doesnt exist. And now I've become unlucky enough to NOT to have learned Greek so graduate school for Classics seems unlikely. How interesting that I should now find myself homeless because I shall known Latin and not Greek. I suppose I could run away with comparative literature, although I feel like my latin will just have gone to waste. I could have more direction if I could only figure out what I will DO with my life after all this schooling is over. I suppose its all leading me to teaching. And if thats the case, then I need to find something, anything really, for grad school. Whats worse, I have no idea where I want to go. I cant stay in san diego and yet I dont want to go anywhere else. Maybe I should skip grad school altogether and just run away to europe. not THAT sounds like a plan:)

I've been very reluctant to post since my return. The reason why isn't a complex one; I just don't want to come back to reality. My trip was amazing and with each day I feel my impressions fading. My memories are being overpowered by the monotony that I'm struggling to evade: (wasting time online), work, and eventually school. "Time" itself is a powerful force as well. With each day I feel the family members I grew close to and the languages I improved in move further and further away from me.

I can feel the images of the lazy Russian countryside, busy Moscow boulevards, and Parisian shop facades being replaced by pink stucco and red tile. Subway cars and "trolleybuses" make way for sedans and SUVs. Fifty cent soft Ukrainskiy loaves turn into Wonderbread, from fresh to processed and preserved. It's true that I'm only recording the good from one, the bad from the other, but unfortunately I wasn't gone long enough to get homesick.

I was gone only long enough to love everything and everyone that I knew there and now I feel.. how do I feel? I kind of feel like my veins are cut, like in a Frida Khalo painting. I feel like someone displaced my heart. I kind of feel incomplete, but in no generic, corny, overused sense. Incomplete in the most honest, bittersweet sense. I gained something and I lost it, or at least some of it, or at least for some time.

I'm selfish; I have nothing legitimate to complain about. But in this moment, and for the past several days, I have been immobilized by nostalgia. With all of my eleven-hundred pictures wiped out from my harddrive, I feel like I'm holding on to fireplace ashes-- e-mails to relatives and new friends, journal entries I made for every day of my trip, and the copy of Master and Margherita that I am rapidly devouring...

I pulled out the very last peach snapple from the fridge (I usually dont like flavored iced tea but thats beside the point) and you know how snapple has those random "true facts" under the caps? Well, I'm chugging down my tea (very thirsty) and trying to read the cap upside down, when I realize that I actually won some lip balm! A-maze-zing, because you never really "win instantly" with the "win instantly" promotional contests. but whatever, I've never won anything in my life so I'm going to go like frame the cap or something. I dont much care for the $4 lip balm that will probably end up making my lips more chapped than they were to begin with (I have super sensitive/dry skin). I looked at the official rules and the odds of winning the lip balm are 1 in 64. Not bad odds at all. Therefore, it effectively lessens the wonderfulness of my winning, but I will simply choose to ignore it. I am, for once, a WeINNER.

on a more serious note, I had one of those moments--right in the middle of my english class--where you get the realization of being alive and having a life. Im sure theres a word to describe the experience that I am trying to explain (poorly). But if you've ever had your aliveness smack you in the face, you know what I'm talking about because its not something that happens everday of the week. When it happens, I always question if this is really my life...with real memories and people and ideas and experiences. Its really quite disturbing.

Also, I was left sorta disappointed with my English class because we're focusing more on poetry than anything else. No Jane Austen, not to mention, Mr. Darcy, in sight. I was feeling quite dejected. And looking at the reading schedule I started having doubts as to whether I really had a)time and b)interest enough to actually commit to the class. I was seriously thinking about dropping, but then the consequences would seriously damage my 'master plan' (taking over the world, of course). Then my professor started going on and on and by the end of it, I was feeling quite happy with my decision to stick with the class. But I tell you, english majors are scary. Overall, that 3 hour time period was quite productive in my mind activity.

Although, I'm still not perfectly convinced that I've haven't just now royally screwed myself over with the amount of work I'll have to deal with this semester. It's quite daunting. I'm glad I'm not socially bound to anything or anyone, and that I'm taking time off work. Here's to breaking backs and busting arse for the next 15ish weeks!

I don't feel like typing up a long summary on my classes, but will mention the following:

1. Latin is HARD.
2. I can't help but look at my Latin and Hum professors with wide-eyed wonder.
3. I feel a little out of my league in my Comp Lit class.
4. Almost everyone in my Asian Studies class in Filipino, but we're all pretty ignorant of where we came from.
5. Still not sure if I'm in my english class...
6. no lover(s).
7. I saw more people from mchs in this one day than all my time at sdsu.
8. my prediction for this semester is that it will be more work than I imagined, and might be more than I am prepared to handle. Thus, I shall have to work harder than I ever have before in order to just stay afloat. AND this is where it all starts to count...here's to a successful fall semester!

Unfortunately, humans are social creatures. Thus, I shall have to be content with being eternally vexed.

I am not a good person.

Light the Night 2005
to benefit The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society
-----
when: Saturday September 24th--Del Mar Fairgrounds
and/or
Saturday October 1st--Southwestern College
-----
register: www.lightthenight.org/sd
donate: www.active.com/donate/SanDiego/LTN
-----
join team Milanie!:)
for more information: www.lightthenight.org/sd

damnit. that stupid B in Humanities is coming back to haunt me. not fair.

So I got all the classes that I wanted for Fall. However, my ENGLISH class is still pending because of my failure to complete the required 6 lower-division units, though I will eventually have 12 upper-division units--go figure.

But now that registration is over, I'm beginning to feel the thrill of a new school year. joy is found in school supply shopping! I love the smell of new pencils, pens and notebooks....mmm Fall. Already, at least for me, summer is ever coming to a close and I'm filled with the anticipation for the semester to begin. Its like a little buzz around my head:)

I've been busy, but now that school is wrapping up for the summer, I don't feel busy enough. But I've rediscovered how much I love Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese.

Making friends is hard. It was easier in elementary school because you saw the same people all day, every day. I mean, eventually you'd have to find someone to hang out with, if for no other reason than you were the only two people without a clique. Its now harder to relate to other people. Or maybe its just me. I've always had issues with social interaction. As in, I dont like to do it. Okay, no, thats a lie. I love to interact with people--as long as its with people I know & trust. For some odd reason, things affect me more than they should...and that puts an awful lot of power in the hands of strangers. Therefore, I prefer not to know you until I feel the need. Thank you and goodbye.

Copeland-Coming Around Again

Micheal Buble & Nelly Furtado- Cuando, Cuando, Cuando

p.s. sorry this post was lame.

M13: Hercules Globular Cluster
M57: Planetary Nebula

Last night I went to the Mt. Laguna observatory out in the middle of nowhere. And used up half a tank of gas in the process. I was to meet my Astronomy class in the parking lot but apparently I was the last person to get there and they full on left me! SO I had to brave the freaking wilderness with nothing but my tiny flashlight and prayers that I should be following the right path up to the observatory. I kid you not, I almost peed in my pantalones. Not to mention that on the drive up, past the freaking roads that twist alongside cliffs where you can plummet some thousand feet to your death, this poor little fawn almost ran across the road and into my car. Luckily, it turned back around and we both went on living--though I just about had a heart attack. The moon was so pretty and BRIGHT. I always think about what moonlight really is without the uselessness of city lights. The sky is so much prettier when you can actually see it. Saw some very spectacular stars and whatnot--but it was very cold. THere was a line of 4 cars that took the drive back down the mountains, and the fact that I was the 3rd car helped ease my uneasiness. I thought it a good position should anything unfortunate occur. Beautiful night, though I was very happy to get back to civilization.

"It is very queer that the unhappiness of the world is so often brought on by small men. They are so much more energetic and uncompromising than the big fellows."--Paul Baumer

sometimes you just need an excuse to play dress-up. And to go to my most favoritiest place ever makes it extra nice. Especially when theres a hot lover waiter by the name of jacob. lovely lovely man with exceptionally nice handwriting. really now, I am a stalker. I am stalker.

because I saw this on ashley's blog and need a break from papers:

10 Years Ago Today: I honestly couldnt remember so I pulled out my DIARIES. Okay well, apparently I went with my family to Wild Rivers and celebrated my brother's birthday at Family Fun center. Oh, and somewhere around this time was that 're-match' football game between the chargers and the 49ers. Qualcomm was still called Jack Murphy Stadium. I really liked dogs.

Five Years Ago Today: I still loved NSYNC. and I was sad about flags. This was also the summer of the migrant beatings.

1 Year Ago Today: I was taking church classes and lovered church lover. I was obsessed with Miss Saigon. Aug 12th we went out for stacys birthday at the elephant bar. Oh yeah, and I failed the freaking GSP by 2 points. I was worried about school and majors and classes.

Yesterday: school. then pedicure. ate some kek with sadaf. took a nap and did some homework. ate at olive garden with sadaf and we had a very nice waiter-man. then we watched 'a very long engagement' but I ditched sadaf at my house to watch the sunset & went to nessas. slept.

Tomorrow: no school, but major paper/project working. then work from 4-10ish.

Snacks I enjoy: anything chocolate? cookies! basically KEK.

5 Things I Would Do with a $100,000,000: Travel, money to charity/Church, save for grad school, go shopping, buy a 1st edition of Pride and Prejudice.

5 Locations I Would Like to Run Away to: England, Spain, France, Italy, Greece.

5 Bad Habits I Have: swearing, especially in traffic. tardiness:) eating chocolate, drinking too much coffee, not returning books/movies in on time.

5 Things I Like Doing: reading P&P, watching P&P (haha), playing piano, talking to friends, eating.

5 Things I would Never Wear: white pants. nothing blackless, strapless,or anything that bares the mid-drift. plaid.

5 TV Shows I Like(d): Friends, Will and Grace, Boy Meets World, Project Runway, Queer eye

5 Movies I Like: Pride and Prejudice. Amelie. Before Sunrise/ Sunset. A league of their own.

5 Famous People I would Like to Meet: COLIN FIRTH. Tom Hanks, Gael Garcia Bernal. Jane Austen. John Paul II.

5 Biggest Joys at the Moment: my friends, my LIFE, school supply shopping, planning trip to Europe, having enough money to buy gas.

5 favorite toys: piano, I loved my jump rope. roller skates. a CHERRY BALL. computer-->Oregon Trail!

this seems like so long ago

Last Name: Peralta

Aragonese, Catalan, and Spanish: habitational name from any of the places in Aragon, Catalonia, and Navarre called Peralta, from Latin petra alta ‘high rock’. This name is also established in Italy.

Dictionary of American Family Names, Oxford University Press, ISBN 0-19-508137-4

find yours

Yesterday I found my new favorite place at school: The Special Collections Room. It's a secret though, so I wont mention anything else:)

Today was lovely.

But it didnt start out that way. I absolutely woke up late! I opened my eyes to 7:20 in red numbers glaring at me accusingly. I had a test at 8:00 that, I need not hesitate to say, I utterly failed. I really shouldnt have worked yesterday. But after that, I met up with Ashley and we went over to Balboa Park to the museum of art to see Maxfield Parrish. Afterwards, we had lunch at the Prado and this is the scene for my favorite part of the day. We sat inside, but overlooking the outside terrace...very pretty. Our waiter was very enthusiastic and asked us if we ate at the Prado often. We both answered in the negative, and then our waiter said that we should eat there more often because they had celebrities over all the time. He pointed out the window: look theres Tony Danza. Ashley and I hesitate, not wanting to be caught playing the fool, but surely enough, as we glance to the side we catch Tony Danza walking by. So random! And we had the best 3 tiny desserts for $9:)

bored at school. I love the southern sweet tea from peabodys. I like to see the trolleys running by the freeways. Sitting around an almost empty campus makes me anxious for the semester to begin. I feel it in the joints of my fingers. Only 30 days left! oh man, thats scary that I'm counting down the days till school starts because I WANT it to start. as much as I know that fall semester will just eat me alive, Im so over my summer school classes and just want to get it over with so I can start fall. Especially now that Ashleys taking a humanities class with me!! :) I dont know yet what I'll do on my one week off before school starts. I think I might hibernate.

work is hilarious. There are just so many interesting characters that stay at the hotel--I'm constantly amused. I sorta feel like Holden when he looks outside his hotel window and sees a bunch of phonies. Like that man and women who are spitting all up on each other, or that man thats dresses up like a woman. Those are the kind of people I have to keep a straight face around. Except none of them like to keep their clothes on. Oh holden.

The funniest thing about my day so far: my teacher unknowningly drawing male genitalia on the board.

On Friday, Katyana and I ran into the person I like least in the whole of the world: Dr. Johnson. Apparently, she's now principal at bernardo heights or something. And she has a haircut that makes her look like less of a man. That was mean, I take that back. But I really wished I had a copy of the harshly worded letter Sonya and I drafted a few years ago? I didnt say anything to her.

Yesterday, I saw a Neil from mt. carmel (identity concealed lest he google search his name and find our blog). I saw him at, of all places, my work. Very weird moment in the hallway. He was delivering a pizza.

I'm very tired. oh, and I have no friends. Man, I really am tibby!

edited: I just noticed that my posts show up way bigger than stacys--she likes to use the "small" font while I take up tons of spaced with my "normal" font size.

AND THIS IS "TINY."

now that stacy and (tomorrow) sonya are pleasure bent again, I believe I shall have this blog all to myself. Stacys visiting the 'homeland' haha and sonya will be gallivanting across europe. I just took out my journal to look at my own travels, and shall post excerpts to share with those who care enough to read on...

March 23, 2005--11 AM
So another birthday in an airport. I'm waiting for my plane so I can make my first trip to europe--specifically paris and spain. I'm sorta excited but really nervous about being in France especially when I first arrive and have to find my way to the hotel. Donna doesnt arrive until like, 3 hours later. An american idiot in paris! I love this feeling of independence. But for now, I'm just sitting here on a wooden rocker more suited for a porch in the south, watching the planes come in through the big glass windows.

5:30PM Texas//3:30PM San Diego
My legs feel cramped from the 3 hour flight from san diego. Im sitting in the terminal surrounded by americans and french people--they must HATE us. how am I going to surive in paris?!? Houston is all flatland. Not a mountain and definitely not an ocean in sight!!

March 24, 2005--2 hours to Paris//Midnight in san diego?
9 hour flights are NOT fun. I dont think I've ever been more uncomfortable in my life. I'm so cramped and just my luck, I get the middle seat so any sort of sleeping situation gives rise to somesort of pain. STRETCH!!! I watched finding neverland for my inflight movie:)

I started to get super excited reading the opening chapters of "neither here nor there." Such a sense of adventure! Im glad I dont have anything that keeps time because part of the everything of this trip is not knowing hwere you are in the day so you can never be late! or early. or worried!! I intend to ENJOY this vacation. honestly, theres something romantic in the idea of flying out to paris in the springtime...but because I'm meeting my sister the notion quickly fades. I'm, sitting next to a man who is going to Cairo for a job interview to oversee a school. Thats amazing. SO now that its morning I need to brush my teeth...dont want to have rank breath coming off the plane, but then again no one here has brushed their teeth either. we're all a bunch of smellys.

And I swear, I've never been so conscious of the way I speak and what I say. They will hate me. I know I shouldnt dread such things. I shall then be determined to not be so cocky to believe that people will actually give a crap about me and my american accent.

I brought my spanish homework and I simply dont know how to congugate verbs--a problem since I'll be visiting spain.

10:15PM Paris// 1:00PM San Diego
Now in Paris! During the flight Cairoman tapped my on the shoulder so I could get my first glimpse of Paris and the "continent." It was like we were flying above the coulds away from MY whole world to go to this suspended reality filled with old world charms. we moved high above the clouds, away from the earthly US home, and into something all together lovely.

After bumming around for a while and getting completely confused, I finally managed to make my way to the trainstation on my way to Gare du Nord. Thank goodness for those information booths! On the train I met 2 girls from Michigan who helped me find my way. I also met a Senor from Chile. After getting off @ my stop, I wandered around the streets until I got to a sign that said: hotel saint quentin and thanked God that I finally reached my hotel. I have to say that there have been a lot of nice people willing to help a helpless idiot like me, but of course, there are creepy people but you can never escape them. I took a nap--it was freaking cold. Donna finally got there and we decided to go to the two windmills from amelie! but on our way there, we got caught in the RAIN!! then we kept wandering around in circles but finally made it to 15 rue Lepic and went inside. Its dirtier and darker and smokier than in amelie. there were only men waiters who smoked between serving people--sonya, I think would lover them. our server spoke english and was very short but not rude. When my sister forgot our umbrella and we had to go back, he was nice enough to know why we were back and gave it to us without us having to ask. I wanted to dip my finger in some sugar but there was none around.

Both donna and I are speaking spanish. I have no idea why but I think, to me at least, it makes me feel less foreign? but man, the smoking is insane! they have a non-smoking section at the two windmills next to the servers that smoke. my first day in Paris:)

Night terrors are usually experienced by young children and they are characterized by a sudden arousal from a deep sleep with a piercing scream or cry. The child is usually inconsolable, very frightened, and sweaty. He probably will not remember the incident when he arises in the morning.

While both adults and children can suffer from the disorder, night terrors in children are far more common. The disorder affects approximately five percent of children, and is most common between the ages of three and five. The disorder is also referred to as sleep terrors.

I think stacy will enjoy this the most: just keep watching

the man of my dream won stage 15 today! mmm I love when grown men cry over sports;)

All school-year long i can't for summer so i can actually think about things, but when summer finally comes around i don't find myself thinking much. i work during the day (I don't think during work) and i go running in the evening (don't think while i run) and then i fall into sweet slumber (definitely don't think while i'm sleeping). by the weekend, physical exhaustion overwhelms any initial desire i had to think and i just hand myself over to the sun, letting it soak the life out of me. thus, i have yet to seriously think about my trip. and more importantly, i have yet to think about my future. i mean, really really think.

Also, i seem to be running into walls. there was one day (at 2am) a few weeks ago that i got really motivated (i don't remember how or why) and emailed a place about an internship. i got really excited and woke up to 1 message! in my inbox, which turned out to be a "return to sender" message. i tried another email address but haven't heard back. then while researching Art Therapy I found out that admission to the masters program requires an Art portfolio of 15 slides in addition to 30 units of studio art. Ha Ha Ha! Somehow, in the next two years, I'm supposed to achieve and demonstrate talent and excellence in figure drawing and clay modeling. I decided to get really excited about everything, because I might as well, and then my opthalmologist told me that he looked into it but found that Art History is more of a name than a field. Jerk! Maybe i'll become an opthalmologist (?)

Are your weekends exciting? Perhaps hearing about mine will make yours seem more exciting. My weekends are full of battles, my id against my superego. Basically, I struggle against my desire to read good literature and my greater desire to watch Date My Mom. And then there's the food battle which is usually my right hand slapping my left hand off the fridge to prevent a chocolate binge. This all seems character strengthening, but I almost always give in.

Maybe I shouldn't worry so much about thinking. If I really needed to think about something, I'm sure thinking would come naturally. Maybe I should be "doing" instead? Maybe thinking is an escape from doing? It doesn't matter because in a little over a week I'll be taking the greatest escape of all- my trip to Europe.

My last trip to Russia was amazing. I remember feeling like I had a second life- a secret life on the other side of the world. This was the summer before the dreaded AP European History and I remember considering staying in my second life and never coming back to the states. It really kind of is like my second life that never happened. Once in a while I'll ask my mom what she thinks I'd have been like had we stayed in Russia. She says i'd be the same but good at art. She said she would have found me a good teacher there and I would have taken lessons for a long time. I picture myself looking all Russian and saying Russian expressions really fast and I'm really weirded out.

I really feel like my life is a "Choose Your Own Adventure" book, only that first decision (of moving here) was made for me. But there are many more big decisions to be made. How fun! All of us are blank books. We've probably only filled out a few pages, and lots of those were filled out by our parents and teachers. But the rest of the pages belong completely to us. I realize this is a cheesy smelly metaphor but it is so exciting to me. When I was little I had a blank book. The cover was made of bark and the pages were recycled wood. I was so overwhelmed with the blankness of the pages that I was too scared to write or draw anything on them.

Nothing has changed. The beautiful sketchbook Michelle bought me for my birthday is lying here, untouched. I feel like anything I do on it will be graffiti.

I think the same goes for my "life book". I don't want to do anything in it because I don't want to mess it up. It's so scary!! But it's also very cool to think that I have the power to make my book really exciting and interesting. I really want my book to be one that other people would enjoy reading. I want someone to read my book and be like, "man, I wish I had her life" or "I hope I can do that one day". Yeah, I'm definitely gonna do that. And I'm starting in one week.

July 26: San Diego - Paris - Moscow
August 26: Moscow - Paris
August 31: Paris - San Diego

Fotografia:

Cada vez que yo me voy llevo a un lado de mi piel
Tus fotografías para verlas cada vez
Que tu ausencia me devora entero el corazón
Y yo no tengo remedio más que amarte

Y en la distancia te puedo ver
Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
Y en las estrellas tus ojos ver
Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
Cada vez que te busco te vas
Y cada vez que te llamo no estás
Es por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estás

Cuando hay un abismo desnudo
Que se opone entre los dos
Yo me valgo del recuerdo taciturno de tu voz
Y de nuevo siento enfermo este corazón
Que no le queda remedio más que amarte

Y en la distancia te puedo ver
Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
Y en las estrellas tus ojos ver
Cuando tus fotos me siento a ver
Cada vez que te busco te vas
Y cada vez que te llamo no estás
Es por eso que debo decir que tú sólo en mis fotos estás

someone I from work said that I was "so secretive."

Velll, Sonichka, doo yew hev a boy-frend? No. Vy not? Four pairs of eyes on me. Quick... Quick... There's no time? Haw! Zet's stewpid. You must hev relationships. No I don't. I don't plan on getting married; I don't need a boyfriend. Merrrried? Yew don't hev to merry everee guy. (I hope they think I'm having casual sex)--Yes I do. Masha did, then Lena did and now Anya. Look what's happened to all of them! Haw haw haw! Vat's heppened to zem? Haw! Yew shood hev ay relationsheep. Well I did once and I don't want to anymore. I fill my mouth with the chicken and grape salad my mom brought. They look at me and back at each other disapprovingly. Why do parents' friends always have to get into your business?

so, run your little heart out.

p.s. I just found out that I got a 10 (out of a possible 12) on my Writing Proficiency Assessment (WPA) and I'm one step closer to graduation:) haha

I am exhausted. I cant wait to take a very long nap. However, my family from hawaii is coming to stay with us tonight and I must clean.The last couple of days have just been so crazy as Ive bounced around from one thing to the next. It was one of those weird series of days where I lived without really comprehending the passage of time. But it will make rest that much sweeter:)

Whatever words I may have use to describe work, unfriendly certainly is not one of them. would it be terribly rude to announce that I am allergic to human contact? Oh, but this paints a horrible picture...there are no elbow harrassars. At least, not a very great many of them. come now, be serious. I suppose, like everywhere else in the world, there are honestly warm people...and those who presume too much. I dont suffer fools lightly bitches!

So London is hosting the 2012 Summer Olympics. better luck next time paris, new york, moscow and madrid. And, if only judging by their city's logo design thing, I dont think I would have picked London. luckily, I'm not a judge;)

next week is the end of 1st session. I hope I'm not getting tired of school because I'm really excited about my fall classes!