I think I'm pretty upset. or something. Disappointed maybe is the better word. anyway, I'm taking time to write this out because I'm feeling more than mediocre and cant focus until I sort all these dumb feelings out.

So I applied for this honor society--and got rejected. whatever I DONT FREAKING CARE but I just think that just beause I'm not involved on campus doesnt mean I'm not involved. And I dont think that being involved on campus should count more than being involved in the community. I'm sorry that I dont WASTE MY TIME on dumb things that I dont care about. I'm sorry I dont commit myself and my time on things just because they are convenient for me. I get involved because I freaking care--so maybe I havent dont a MILLION activities, but I have a greater appreciation and a more personal connection to what I'm involved with.

So what if I'm bitter about this. I understand that rejection is part of life and that yes, part of it IS my fault but honestly, I hate hate hate this feeling. I hate feeling less than...I can just add this experience to my stack of rejections that are far greater than any pseudo-accomplishments of mine. It'll serve a whole new purpose of reminding me of the uselessness of me.

Well now I'm off to write some papers for some abstract goal of getting good grades that will in turn mean nothing.

life is so stupid sometimes. okay that was a lie, I shouldnt take this out on life because it is a wonderful thing. and that, my friends, is the happy ending to this stupid post.

"fucking mountains. they're gonna be there for the rest of ever."