hahaha, my sister said those tests are just telling me what i want to hear.
so true. i'm pathetic.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Friday, January 16, 2004
Don't worry sonya, I'll be joining you on level 8. Today was not good---and its only 11:30. I HIT a car in the parking structure today. Not only did I hit it...I DROVE AWAY. I hate myself. I am not a good person and this is why I need to be shot and disposes of before I cause more damage to society. I feel so awful about it...but I just got super scared. Although I think the car was already pretty beat up and that I scraped its bumper--that may just be my wishful thinking. It was probably a nice NEW car and I probably damaged the whole left side. Karma is a wonderful thing though, because right now I'm stranded at school because I locked myself out of my car--again.
Also, today I saw just too many people from high school. Okay let me rephrase that...I saw too many people from high school THAT I DONT LIKE. or, particularily CARE FOR. I totally blame the fact that my classes are now later on in the day, and that they closed off this like lunch room place....so everyone had to cram into this other smaller room. Greater potential to see boogers. And EW. But I did see Jackie Lopez, as shes now in my soc class so thats nice:)
This is not the best time to try and find work. job hunting is horrible and does awful things to my nerves!
I have also been made aware of just how much I dont know.... Enter doubts and questions. Goodbye dream.
Spring semester:
comparaitive literature 270B: world literature from 1600s to modern
sociology 101
communication 200: mass communications
rhetoric and writing studies 200: arguments in context
cinema 160
Also, today I saw just too many people from high school. Okay let me rephrase that...I saw too many people from high school THAT I DONT LIKE. or, particularily CARE FOR. I totally blame the fact that my classes are now later on in the day, and that they closed off this like lunch room place....so everyone had to cram into this other smaller room. Greater potential to see boogers. And EW. But I did see Jackie Lopez, as shes now in my soc class so thats nice:)
This is not the best time to try and find work. job hunting is horrible and does awful things to my nerves!
I have also been made aware of just how much I dont know.... Enter doubts and questions. Goodbye dream.
Spring semester:
comparaitive literature 270B: world literature from 1600s to modern
sociology 101
communication 200: mass communications
rhetoric and writing studies 200: arguments in context
cinema 160
Thursday, January 15, 2004
i have a confession to make. i think i suffer from a non-diagnosed mild form of bipolar syndrome.
today i guess it doesn't matter that i don't know my major. who cares if i don't have fifty new friends or even three. and i don't know how much it really matters if i create something amazing or not. and all of the crappy consumerism and government stuff-- i can just try my best to ignore that.
the reason why, i guess, is because some people say life is a series of beautiful moments and in this moment it's true. not that anything particularly beautiful happened to me. i went to gymnastics, partly against my will. i did roundoff backhandspring rebounds which within themselves hold so much beauty (not necessarily when i do them). no matter how articulate i ever become, i'll never be able to put in words the feeling of muscles springing off of the chalky blue gym floor. and the back arch, like an upside down U .. the layout which epitomizes gracefulness. the feel of the beam under my feet, the queasiness in my stomach, the arabesque. my hands raining chalk as i grasp the bar, even tho i can't do much else than hold on. it's all so amazing, i'm glad to have even the tiniest part in it.
also, i spent a few hours catching up with Rachel, my childhood best-gym-friend. and i guess what i've been missing is just having that connection with someone that i haven't necessarily spent the past few years with. it's nice to remember that i can still communicate with people without being fake.
because as much as I can judge people and bag on people and label people and set myself on a pedestal-- high above them in empty pride.. i still want to belong, just like everyone else. it's a simple thing that can't be denied.
and thus ends the "high" of my bipolarness. i just had a very refreshing shower. and today, just today life isn't bad at all. it's actually good. and everyone on my floor is so nice, why didn't i ever notice? i have the best roommates. and i can say hi to one or two people i see walking when i'm on campus. i'm lucky. i'm so lucky. i should never complain.
today i guess it doesn't matter that i don't know my major. who cares if i don't have fifty new friends or even three. and i don't know how much it really matters if i create something amazing or not. and all of the crappy consumerism and government stuff-- i can just try my best to ignore that.
the reason why, i guess, is because some people say life is a series of beautiful moments and in this moment it's true. not that anything particularly beautiful happened to me. i went to gymnastics, partly against my will. i did roundoff backhandspring rebounds which within themselves hold so much beauty (not necessarily when i do them). no matter how articulate i ever become, i'll never be able to put in words the feeling of muscles springing off of the chalky blue gym floor. and the back arch, like an upside down U .. the layout which epitomizes gracefulness. the feel of the beam under my feet, the queasiness in my stomach, the arabesque. my hands raining chalk as i grasp the bar, even tho i can't do much else than hold on. it's all so amazing, i'm glad to have even the tiniest part in it.
also, i spent a few hours catching up with Rachel, my childhood best-gym-friend. and i guess what i've been missing is just having that connection with someone that i haven't necessarily spent the past few years with. it's nice to remember that i can still communicate with people without being fake.
because as much as I can judge people and bag on people and label people and set myself on a pedestal-- high above them in empty pride.. i still want to belong, just like everyone else. it's a simple thing that can't be denied.
and thus ends the "high" of my bipolarness. i just had a very refreshing shower. and today, just today life isn't bad at all. it's actually good. and everyone on my floor is so nice, why didn't i ever notice? i have the best roommates. and i can say hi to one or two people i see walking when i'm on campus. i'm lucky. i'm so lucky. i should never complain.
thanks for this, drew
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | High |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very Low |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Moderate |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Moderate |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | Moderate |
| Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics) | High |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Low |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous) | Low |
Take the Dante's Inferno Test
another day...
in comm. we filled out these green slips of paper so someone could contact us about a paid internship for the summer. yesterday this girl called me and left a message about it and how i can go through the "screening process". i am probably in the biggest anti-establishment anti-everything mood of my life and the idea of being 'screened' makes me sick to my stomach. except i need money. and that always takes precedent over everything. oh, and how i hate returning phone calls.
highlight of this upcoming day... laying on the grass by janss for an hour. lowlight... grueling two hour comm lecture
and soon it is the weekend again. wow i am such a good life waster.
in comm. we filled out these green slips of paper so someone could contact us about a paid internship for the summer. yesterday this girl called me and left a message about it and how i can go through the "screening process". i am probably in the biggest anti-establishment anti-everything mood of my life and the idea of being 'screened' makes me sick to my stomach. except i need money. and that always takes precedent over everything. oh, and how i hate returning phone calls.
highlight of this upcoming day... laying on the grass by janss for an hour. lowlight... grueling two hour comm lecture
and soon it is the weekend again. wow i am such a good life waster.
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
"It was a 'beautiful, tremendously equipped lab,' Grogan recalls, and since it wasn't used very much, he took a picture of his own big blond face and proceeded to make 5000 prints. When the doctors finally caught up with him, he had some 4700 nine by twelve glossies of Emmett Grogan neatly stacked on the floor, and all lab machines: driers, enlargers, developers were going like mad, and the water was running over on the floor.
'What did you do that for?" a doctor screamed.
Grogran shrugged. 'I'm crazy,' he said."
'What did you do that for?" a doctor screamed.
Grogran shrugged. 'I'm crazy,' he said."
its 1am and i feel like i've been awake for a week. my entire body is weak and my contacts are licking my eyeballs, begging for the blinds to be drawn. the monitor illuminates the room and casts a highlight across the wall and if i close the laptop then everything will be dark.. dark... and eventually it's gotta close. the battery will die or my battery will and who knows which will happen first.
bye.
today was a strange day not to mention that this is a strange life, o wait i just said it. i'm a spoiled brat and the only way i'll ever figure out what to major in is by stuffing tacos until i realize why its necessary to earn money. money doesn't buy happiness but it buys you food, clothes, and shelter and you can't survive without that. so all of you who are just like me, wth stars in your eyes about traveling to infinity and living a "different" life, i'm sorry but it's impossible.
oh, and happy birthday, karen. you deserve the best of everything.<3
bye.
today was a strange day not to mention that this is a strange life, o wait i just said it. i'm a spoiled brat and the only way i'll ever figure out what to major in is by stuffing tacos until i realize why its necessary to earn money. money doesn't buy happiness but it buys you food, clothes, and shelter and you can't survive without that. so all of you who are just like me, wth stars in your eyes about traveling to infinity and living a "different" life, i'm sorry but it's impossible.
oh, and happy birthday, karen. you deserve the best of everything.<3
Sunday, January 11, 2004
Tomorrow is school and I'm not ready to go. Ahhhh, no sonnay, please make it stop. I finished silmarillion and I felt very alone with no stories of elves to keep me company. I went and bought some snowboarding stuff which was slightly a pain. tomorrow i'm set to find the kid that has an overdue book under my name.
