Saturday, August 09, 2003
"There once was a boy-- grandmother tells her, words rolling off her tounge like autumn leaves falling from the tree, raked up and stored a way for summer storytelling. He was the first stranger who's eyes I wasn't afraid to look into. They were blue like the ocean, like the grass after the sprinklers have showered it and scrubbed it clean. --that's green, grandma. I know, i know but the point is that they were the misery of winter, the freshess of spring, and the laughter of summer all blended like a thick smoothie. And they crinkled up when he laughed. He laughed at every word I spoke, his whole face wrinkling into a sheet of old sepia stained newspaper, thrown away and forgotten. it was the most honest laugh anyone had ever given me. and for several days i took it and i held it and made it mine.
-- and then you got married and that's my grandpa? No, my love, grandmother chuckles. --but why not? Sometimes we let our pride swallow us whole, my precious. Too scared of showing affection; afraid it won't be returned. Some are honest with the fragility of an eager heart but others give out laughs carelessly, letting their eyes crinkle wherever they go. i was terrified of accepting a secret glance that was not meant for me. When it was time to go I left without a look back. And so did he. Or maybe I did turn my head but he was already a speckle in the night sky, or maybe our glances just missed each other. Memories twist and turn and fade with time but to this day i do not know if the honesty of his smile was pure.
--but don't you ever wonder where he is and what he's doing? how many grandkids does he have and does he play soccer with them and then take them out for ice cream? Sometimes i do. Sometimes when i sit down in the evening and feel the old age flowing through my veins, the lonliness that is eating away at my bones. a familiar chuckle like a ch-ch-ch echoing between my ears. -- but grandma, i'm here. please don't be lonely. you have me and... look at your garden, it's so beautiful. Well of course, she smiles. i am the luckiest old woman in the world, my love. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world, she says and pats her sweet little gift on the back.
And still sometimes i just wish i could look into a stranger's eyes and feel familiar. Share an unassuming laugh; expect nothing and enjoy everything. Just know if that crinkle-- ten, twenty, fifty years ago, was meant with all of the affection it was received with. --It doesn't matter anymore, grandmama. My eyes crinkle up too and I promise these are as real as they get.
And with that, they fed autumn leave crumbs to the trash. For fifty long years stored but not forgotten, and finally just thrown away."
-- and then you got married and that's my grandpa? No, my love, grandmother chuckles. --but why not? Sometimes we let our pride swallow us whole, my precious. Too scared of showing affection; afraid it won't be returned. Some are honest with the fragility of an eager heart but others give out laughs carelessly, letting their eyes crinkle wherever they go. i was terrified of accepting a secret glance that was not meant for me. When it was time to go I left without a look back. And so did he. Or maybe I did turn my head but he was already a speckle in the night sky, or maybe our glances just missed each other. Memories twist and turn and fade with time but to this day i do not know if the honesty of his smile was pure.
--but don't you ever wonder where he is and what he's doing? how many grandkids does he have and does he play soccer with them and then take them out for ice cream? Sometimes i do. Sometimes when i sit down in the evening and feel the old age flowing through my veins, the lonliness that is eating away at my bones. a familiar chuckle like a ch-ch-ch echoing between my ears. -- but grandma, i'm here. please don't be lonely. you have me and... look at your garden, it's so beautiful. Well of course, she smiles. i am the luckiest old woman in the world, my love. I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world, she says and pats her sweet little gift on the back.
And still sometimes i just wish i could look into a stranger's eyes and feel familiar. Share an unassuming laugh; expect nothing and enjoy everything. Just know if that crinkle-- ten, twenty, fifty years ago, was meant with all of the affection it was received with. --It doesn't matter anymore, grandmama. My eyes crinkle up too and I promise these are as real as they get.
And with that, they fed autumn leave crumbs to the trash. For fifty long years stored but not forgotten, and finally just thrown away."
yeah except I sound like a psycho....oooh yummy piece of lettuce.
I take full responsibility for Johhny Depp not being on the shirts. I totally forgot about the part where I had to re-type the names...I dunno how I could have forgotten him, he's a LOVER lover. I'm a flippin cow:D But I'm real excited that KOSTOS is on the shirt... I lover him.
You know what I just found out right now? I was watching the news and the next season of the real world is in SAN DIEGO. The roomates moved in on July 31st...location is unknown. That's bloody brilliant!! Season premieres in january.
I take full responsibility for Johhny Depp not being on the shirts. I totally forgot about the part where I had to re-type the names...I dunno how I could have forgotten him, he's a LOVER lover. I'm a flippin cow:D But I'm real excited that KOSTOS is on the shirt... I lover him.
You know what I just found out right now? I was watching the news and the next season of the real world is in SAN DIEGO. The roomates moved in on July 31st...location is unknown. That's bloody brilliant!! Season premieres in january.
michelle, i think this is straight out of catcher in the rye:
But little did I know when I was walking I passed RIGHT BY A cayote...or maybe it was a big dog or something, either way it freaked me out. But as I saw it go underneath a lampost, I felt sad. Most likely, before all these homes were built, it was free and could eat all the little rabbits it wanted. Now it's all covered with cement. Just the picture of such a wild thing walking around under the lights in a park made me feel so sad.
Anyway, I lay on the tables a while and it was just so beautiful. I loved it.
<
But, like always, stupid people had to come and ruin it. <-- especially this ;D
congrats. holden would be proud.
But little did I know when I was walking I passed RIGHT BY A cayote...or maybe it was a big dog or something, either way it freaked me out. But as I saw it go underneath a lampost, I felt sad. Most likely, before all these homes were built, it was free and could eat all the little rabbits it wanted. Now it's all covered with cement. Just the picture of such a wild thing walking around under the lights in a park made me feel so sad.
Anyway, I lay on the tables a while and it was just so beautiful. I loved it.
<
But, like always, stupid people had to come and ruin it. <-- especially this ;D
congrats. holden would be proud.
i never promised you a happy ending
you never said you wouldn't make me cry
that has nothing to do with my life-- i just felt like typing britney spears lyrics.
lately i've been acting as my sister's personal chauffer. guitar- guitar again- swim- and today swim again. that is my only purpose in life.
earlier this morning i was trying to read Aristotle in effort to prepare myself for my phil class. it was very interesting but so thick and rich like chocolate ganache torte that satisfies you after one forkfull. each sentence contained so much thought and insight. after a paragraph i relaxed my brain by watching even stevens. i got bored after just a few minutes. i'm not trying to say im smart educated above pop culture tv media but i just find everything that is on tv so terribly boring. well not everything because sometimes i get lucky and run into dead poets society or office space. but i really can't bring myself to watch that elimidate crap, even if it is entertaining. i feel so embarassed for people and society.. they should all just stop.
i'm really upset that the torrey pines water is contaminated with sewage. i was really starting to develop a liking to surfing there. back to the communal bath that is la jolla shores, i guess.
i'm finishing up cisneros' caramelo. well okay, i'm only in the middle. but it's very good and beautiful and it makes me want to write, visit mexico, roll spanish off my tounge effortlessly, and especially sink my teeth into caramelo. but i can't eat that, nor can i eat the chow mein-rice-and-orange chicken gift my mom brought home yesterday. instead i'm running and last night i reached my modest summer goal thanks to the motivation of john mayer and maroon5. thanks to the beautiful mt. carmel stadium and the stars. thanks to my fatty love handles that make me want to puke my insides out only to reveal hamburger pizza ice cream fat fat fat sugary starchy fat
but summer love will keep us warm long after
our autumn goodbye
you never said you wouldn't make me cry
that has nothing to do with my life-- i just felt like typing britney spears lyrics.
lately i've been acting as my sister's personal chauffer. guitar- guitar again- swim- and today swim again. that is my only purpose in life.
earlier this morning i was trying to read Aristotle in effort to prepare myself for my phil class. it was very interesting but so thick and rich like chocolate ganache torte that satisfies you after one forkfull. each sentence contained so much thought and insight. after a paragraph i relaxed my brain by watching even stevens. i got bored after just a few minutes. i'm not trying to say im smart educated above pop culture tv media but i just find everything that is on tv so terribly boring. well not everything because sometimes i get lucky and run into dead poets society or office space. but i really can't bring myself to watch that elimidate crap, even if it is entertaining. i feel so embarassed for people and society.. they should all just stop.
i'm really upset that the torrey pines water is contaminated with sewage. i was really starting to develop a liking to surfing there. back to the communal bath that is la jolla shores, i guess.
i'm finishing up cisneros' caramelo. well okay, i'm only in the middle. but it's very good and beautiful and it makes me want to write, visit mexico, roll spanish off my tounge effortlessly, and especially sink my teeth into caramelo. but i can't eat that, nor can i eat the chow mein-rice-and-orange chicken gift my mom brought home yesterday. instead i'm running and last night i reached my modest summer goal thanks to the motivation of john mayer and maroon5. thanks to the beautiful mt. carmel stadium and the stars. thanks to my fatty love handles that make me want to puke my insides out only to reveal hamburger pizza ice cream fat fat fat sugary starchy fat
but summer love will keep us warm long after
our autumn goodbye
Friday, August 08, 2003
Monday, August 04, 2003
great kids?! wow, I can't even believe it... I'm just shocked. madness...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STACY!!! She's 18 by the way--so if you haven't wished her a happy birthday yet, DO IT OR ELSE :)
went to a guard practice with melanie---it was odd but really funny at the same time. I got to play with a rifle again so I had a blast with that....however the band room smells odd.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STACY!!! She's 18 by the way--so if you haven't wished her a happy birthday yet, DO IT OR ELSE :)
went to a guard practice with melanie---it was odd but really funny at the same time. I got to play with a rifle again so I had a blast with that....however the band room smells odd.
Sunday, August 03, 2003
this is turning into myblog. I'll try to stop. It's just because I have no life.
Black Hawk Down is just PACKED with nice men--aside from Orlando Bloom, there's feakin SMALLS. you know smalls, from Sandlot? Tom Guiry? "You're killin me smalls!!"--yes the same guy. He's in that movie with Orli--and I heard him say the word "f*ck" and I flipped out!! Seriously, I think I know all those guys like I freaking PLAYED on the sandlot with them.
Today I napped then work up hungry. I bought food for myself then walked to the park next to my house and ate it atop the picnic tables. It was nice because the sky was dark and beautful, and there were no people around. But little did I know when I was walking I passed RIGHT BY A cayote...or maybe it was a big dog or something, either way it freaked me out. But as I saw it go underneath a lampost, I felt sad. Most likely, before all these homes were built, it was free and could eat all the little rabbits it wanted. Now it's all covered with cement. Just the picture of such a wild thing walking around under the lights in a park made me feel so sad.
Anyway, I lay on the tables a while and it was just so beautiful. I loved it.
But, like always, stupid people had to come and ruin it.
Black Hawk Down is just PACKED with nice men--aside from Orlando Bloom, there's feakin SMALLS. you know smalls, from Sandlot? Tom Guiry? "You're killin me smalls!!"--yes the same guy. He's in that movie with Orli--and I heard him say the word "f*ck" and I flipped out!! Seriously, I think I know all those guys like I freaking PLAYED on the sandlot with them.
Today I napped then work up hungry. I bought food for myself then walked to the park next to my house and ate it atop the picnic tables. It was nice because the sky was dark and beautful, and there were no people around. But little did I know when I was walking I passed RIGHT BY A cayote...or maybe it was a big dog or something, either way it freaked me out. But as I saw it go underneath a lampost, I felt sad. Most likely, before all these homes were built, it was free and could eat all the little rabbits it wanted. Now it's all covered with cement. Just the picture of such a wild thing walking around under the lights in a park made me feel so sad.
Anyway, I lay on the tables a while and it was just so beautiful. I loved it.
But, like always, stupid people had to come and ruin it.
It's almost 3:30 in the morning. I just finished the sequel of the traveling pants. I enjoyed reading it...there were parts I adored--but I won't give them away in case someone wants to read it**stacy**--thanks for giving me the 1st one btw ;)
But it got my crying good. There were seriously parts where my heart ached. I had to put the book down. And now I'm just a mess. I'm crying and crying for reasons that have yet to be explored in my head, things I have yet to sort through, but here are the tears nonetheless. And I can't get to sleep, so here I am. Oh...I could stay up and watch SBTB.
But it got my crying good. There were seriously parts where my heart ached. I had to put the book down. And now I'm just a mess. I'm crying and crying for reasons that have yet to be explored in my head, things I have yet to sort through, but here are the tears nonetheless. And I can't get to sleep, so here I am. Oh...I could stay up and watch SBTB.
