is being neglected. as are all the things I should be doing. I should be studying latin. I should be brushing up on french. I should pay my dentist. I should save for italy. I should go to the gym ha. I should go to class everyday. I should take care of the pile of clothes on my floor. I should be writing that history article instead of blogging. I should be preparing for grad school bc it starts in less than a month. If I were my best self, I would be doing all of those things. But my true self opts for lazy summer days--forget the consequences. I hate that there is such a disparity between my true self and my best self. But then again, I sorta hate the idea that my true self is not my best self. But maybe the disparity between the two allows for growth? Like, if I were already my best self, then there would be no motivation for self-improvement, development or aspiration. I guess the danger only lies in believing that you should forsake your true self in order to achieve your best self. There can be disparity, but there should also be continuity.
Balboa Park at dusk is simply stunning.
I love naps. But its f--ing hot and I hate waking up feeling gross and sweaty in a stuffy room.
Friday, August 03, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
unconditionally.
It's hard to follow up on sonya's post with something so vapid and vain as this post, I hope you forgive me.
I am not afraid of commitment. Nor relationships. It just takes me longer to open up to people. Do I test the people that come into my life? yes, absolutely. Life is too short, people too important to treat either lightly or as something temporary and immediate. How sad is it to invest time into any relationship only to realize that you never really knew the other person? And so I might not be the person with the easy smile or ready laugh; I don't wear my heart, mind or soul on my sleeve but it must be this way because once I feel like trust is established, once I consider you a friend, it's the forever kind of bond. I believe in strong connections to last years, distances, differences and circumstance. I fill my life and my days with people who mean something to me, people whom I care about deeply. I refuse to appologize or change the way that I am because I feel in the end, its worth something more. And so if anything, I'm the most committed person...although you've got to prove that you're worth it. I ask for the unconditional--unconditional acceptance, understanding, respect, and to a certain degree, unconditional affection. I may ask for a lot, but I hope I give back just as much. It has to be mutual, we both have to decide that the other is worth it.
I am not afraid of commitment. Nor relationships. It just takes me longer to open up to people. Do I test the people that come into my life? yes, absolutely. Life is too short, people too important to treat either lightly or as something temporary and immediate. How sad is it to invest time into any relationship only to realize that you never really knew the other person? And so I might not be the person with the easy smile or ready laugh; I don't wear my heart, mind or soul on my sleeve but it must be this way because once I feel like trust is established, once I consider you a friend, it's the forever kind of bond. I believe in strong connections to last years, distances, differences and circumstance. I fill my life and my days with people who mean something to me, people whom I care about deeply. I refuse to appologize or change the way that I am because I feel in the end, its worth something more. And so if anything, I'm the most committed person...although you've got to prove that you're worth it. I ask for the unconditional--unconditional acceptance, understanding, respect, and to a certain degree, unconditional affection. I may ask for a lot, but I hope I give back just as much. It has to be mutual, we both have to decide that the other is worth it.
