24. Would he drink? yes. What guy doesn?t. you tell me that. But he has to be mindful of my feelings about drinking excessively and for no reason.
BRANDON HEID.
Saturday, May 01, 2004
im such an idiot. i've been dreading this paper i have to write for soc--so i've run away from writing it. and now i only have this weekend and i cant seem to force myself to write something. STUPID STUPID STUPID. i should just jump off the coronado bridge.
i actually learned a lot of things about the people in my rws class. and i found out that a lot of my judgements about them were wrong. maybe theres more depth to people than i give them credit for. SOME of them had such lover potential it was weird...like maybe if i met them in different circumstances I would think they were nice boys. One of them even liked lotr :) Too bad i still think some of them are still assholes who arent worth my time. wow that was harsh. im a mean person and i apologize.
what mr darcy? it appears that we've walked into a closet!!!
i actually learned a lot of things about the people in my rws class. and i found out that a lot of my judgements about them were wrong. maybe theres more depth to people than i give them credit for. SOME of them had such lover potential it was weird...like maybe if i met them in different circumstances I would think they were nice boys. One of them even liked lotr :) Too bad i still think some of them are still assholes who arent worth my time. wow that was harsh. im a mean person and i apologize.
what mr darcy? it appears that we've walked into a closet!!!
k ill just keep using the excuse that i wore myself out academically and socially in high school
next year will be different, yeah
aww these naive future-bruins, how cute
haha no, ucla is pretty cool. i like that there are a few things that almost everyone understands. the blue backpack people, the guy in a suit on bruin walk, the high school freshmen in front of cpk, sorority t-shirts, rape trail, frat row, the day-o guy in westwood, didi reese, bj's, pizookie, third street, getty, hedrick construction, all the hills and stairs, bruin walk with people handing you flyers, etc etc etc- im just reflecting on these things bc they showed up in the Spring Sing skits and i felt this STRANGE sense of "unity" that i didn't know existed here.
but yeah: next year will be different
even though that's what everyone says
:-) shit! im not being productive at all!
next year will be different, yeah
aww these naive future-bruins, how cute
haha no, ucla is pretty cool. i like that there are a few things that almost everyone understands. the blue backpack people, the guy in a suit on bruin walk, the high school freshmen in front of cpk, sorority t-shirts, rape trail, frat row, the day-o guy in westwood, didi reese, bj's, pizookie, third street, getty, hedrick construction, all the hills and stairs, bruin walk with people handing you flyers, etc etc etc- im just reflecting on these things bc they showed up in the Spring Sing skits and i felt this STRANGE sense of "unity" that i didn't know existed here.
but yeah: next year will be different
even though that's what everyone says
:-) shit! im not being productive at all!
IM SO SORRY FOR POLLUTING THE BLOG WITH THIS- ESPECIALLY AFTER MICHELLE ALREADY DID IT- BUT IT LOOKS LIKE FUN :-)
the perfect guy..
1. Hair color: ANY TYPE OF BROWN- LIGHT DARK WHATEVER
2. Eye color: DOES NOT MATTER
3. Height: taller than me please...and bonus points if hes still taller than me when im wearing heels <- A GREAT ANSWER
4. Six pack: YES, A BONUS NOT A REQUIREMENT [I CANT REALLY REQUIRE SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE]
5. Long or short hair: SOME VARIATION ON SHORT
6. Glasses: DOESN'T MATTER
7. Piercings: NO, I HATE PIERCINGS ON GUYS
8. Scars: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST THEM.. UNLESS IT'S LIKE REALLLY DISTRACTING?
9. Eyebrows: HAHA FINELY PLUCKED. (JK)
10. Big butt or little: NO BUTT. I HATE BUTTS ON GUYS. (MONICA LOVES THEM)
11. Chest hair: eww sick no <--WORD
12. Buff or skinny: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BACK AND SHOULDERS (AND SKINNY WAIST) i know i'm a self proclaimed sick man
13. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: straight- I HAVE A LITTLE GAP SO I'LL CUT HIM SOME SLACK
14. Funny or serious: FUNNY (OKAY AND A LITTLE SERIOUS TOO)
15. Party or stay at home: STAY AT HOME AND PARTY WITH ME THERE :-)
16. Should he cook or bake: both! men should learn how to cook period. <--AMEN, MICHELLE
17. Should he have a best friend: NOT NECESSARILY. BUT I HOPE HE DOES
18. Should he have a lot of girl friends: NOT BLONDIES. JK, HE CAN IF HE WANTS, YES.
19. Outgoing or shy: OUTGOING WITH ME AND SHY WITH EVERYONE ELSE HEEEH
20. Sarcastic or sincere: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION
21. Should he love his mother? OHHH MAN THAT IS SO IMPORTANT.
22. Should he watch chick flicks? yes, he doesnt have to like them, but he should still watch them
23. Would he be a smoker? NEVER
24. Would he drink? I DON'T CARE SO LONG AS IT'S SOCIALLY, NOT ALCOHOLICALLY.
25. Would he swear? WHEN HE FELT REALLY STRONGLY ABOUT SOMETHING. BUT NOT LIKE AFTER EVERY WORD BC THAT JUST SOUNDS DUMB.
26. Would he play with your hair? IF HE WANTS TO BUT MY HAIR IS PRETTY NASTY
27. Would he pay for dates? I THINK HE WOULD OFFER
28. Does he kiss on the first date? PROBABLY NOT BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER TOO MUCH
29. Where would you go to dinner? ANYWHERE WITH FOOD
30. Would he bring you flowers? DOESN'T HURT
31. Would he lay under the stars with you? AT TORREY PINES, YES. IS IT EVEN NECESSARY TO ASK
32. Would he write poetry about you? EW! POETRY IS LAME UNLESS YOU'RE SHAKESPEARE OR YEATS
33. Would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? YEAH, HE CAN DO THAT WHILE WINKING. GROSS!
34. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? HE COULD, BUT I WOULDN'T MAKE HIM
35. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends? UMM.. THIS IS WHY I WOULDN'T MAKE HIM HANG OUT WITH MINE.
36. Will he walk you to the door at the end? WHEN IT'S IMPORTANT
37. Holding hands? :-(
38. Soccer: THE UCLA MEN'S SOCCER TEAM, THANKS ;-D
39. Baseball: I THINK I LIKE TO WATCH IT
40. Basketball: WHY NOT
41. Football: OKAY
42. Water polo: I WOULDN’T MIND TOO MUCH IF HE LOOKED LIKE A WATER POLO PLAYER. BUT IT’S NOT LIKE HE HAS TO PLAY IT.
43. Surf: THAT WOULD BE FUN.. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO THO. BUT HE DOES NEED TO APPRECIATE THE OCEAN (AND OTHER NATURE) OR HE IS OUT
44. Skateboard: OKAY SO I CAN BORROW IT BC I WANT TO LEARN
45. Snowboard: YEA =D
46. Sing: HAHAHAA I DON’T REALLY THINK PEOPLE SHOULD SING UNLESS THEY’RE REALLLLY GOOD. BUT I GUESS IT WOULD BE CUTE.
47. Plays guitar: OH GOD THE FAMOUS “IF I PLAY GUITAR GIRLS WILL WANT ME” THING. YEAH, IT CAN’T HURT BUT WHATEVER
48. Play piano: IF YOU WILL PLAY ME CHOPIN I WILL LOVE YOU
49. Play drums: THAT’S TOO LOUD
50. Clean his room: EH
51. What kind of car does he drive: WHO CARES, AS LONG AS IT WORKS AND GOES FASTER THAN THE ISM
52. How old is he: MY AGE THROUGH A PROFESSOR’S AGE
53. What would his name be: I CONCUR. MR. DARCY IS A LOVER!!!!!
54. Nationality: Mixed would be nice... <-- HAHA SO YOU CAN HAVE HOT CHILDREN? I DON’T CARE. JUST AS LONG AS YOU CAN HANDLE MY CRAZY FAMILY.
***I HAVE STUFF TO ADD: HE HAS TO BE SMART, CAN’T BE IN A FRAT, CAN’T BE TOO RELIGIOUS, AND CAN’T LIKE BLONDIES*** ALL THE OTHER 54 THINGS UP THERE DON’T EVEN MATTER.
the perfect guy..
1. Hair color: ANY TYPE OF BROWN- LIGHT DARK WHATEVER
2. Eye color: DOES NOT MATTER
3. Height: taller than me please...and bonus points if hes still taller than me when im wearing heels <- A GREAT ANSWER
4. Six pack: YES, A BONUS NOT A REQUIREMENT [I CANT REALLY REQUIRE SOMETHING I DON'T HAVE]
5. Long or short hair: SOME VARIATION ON SHORT
6. Glasses: DOESN'T MATTER
7. Piercings: NO, I HATE PIERCINGS ON GUYS
8. Scars: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST THEM.. UNLESS IT'S LIKE REALLLY DISTRACTING?
9. Eyebrows: HAHA FINELY PLUCKED. (JK)
10. Big butt or little: NO BUTT. I HATE BUTTS ON GUYS. (MONICA LOVES THEM)
11. Chest hair: eww sick no <--WORD
12. Buff or skinny: IT'S ALL ABOUT THE BACK AND SHOULDERS (AND SKINNY WAIST) i know i'm a self proclaimed sick man
13. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: straight- I HAVE A LITTLE GAP SO I'LL CUT HIM SOME SLACK
14. Funny or serious: FUNNY (OKAY AND A LITTLE SERIOUS TOO)
15. Party or stay at home: STAY AT HOME AND PARTY WITH ME THERE :-)
16. Should he cook or bake: both! men should learn how to cook period. <--AMEN, MICHELLE
17. Should he have a best friend: NOT NECESSARILY. BUT I HOPE HE DOES
18. Should he have a lot of girl friends: NOT BLONDIES. JK, HE CAN IF HE WANTS, YES.
19. Outgoing or shy: OUTGOING WITH ME AND SHY WITH EVERYONE ELSE HEEEH
20. Sarcastic or sincere: EVERYTHING IN MODERATION
21. Should he love his mother? OHHH MAN THAT IS SO IMPORTANT.
22. Should he watch chick flicks? yes, he doesnt have to like them, but he should still watch them
23. Would he be a smoker? NEVER
24. Would he drink? I DON'T CARE SO LONG AS IT'S SOCIALLY, NOT ALCOHOLICALLY.
25. Would he swear? WHEN HE FELT REALLY STRONGLY ABOUT SOMETHING. BUT NOT LIKE AFTER EVERY WORD BC THAT JUST SOUNDS DUMB.
26. Would he play with your hair? IF HE WANTS TO BUT MY HAIR IS PRETTY NASTY
27. Would he pay for dates? I THINK HE WOULD OFFER
28. Does he kiss on the first date? PROBABLY NOT BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER TOO MUCH
29. Where would you go to dinner? ANYWHERE WITH FOOD
30. Would he bring you flowers? DOESN'T HURT
31. Would he lay under the stars with you? AT TORREY PINES, YES. IS IT EVEN NECESSARY TO ASK
32. Would he write poetry about you? EW! POETRY IS LAME UNLESS YOU'RE SHAKESPEARE OR YEATS
33. Would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? YEAH, HE CAN DO THAT WHILE WINKING. GROSS!
34. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? HE COULD, BUT I WOULDN'T MAKE HIM
35. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends? UMM.. THIS IS WHY I WOULDN'T MAKE HIM HANG OUT WITH MINE.
36. Will he walk you to the door at the end? WHEN IT'S IMPORTANT
37. Holding hands? :-(
38. Soccer: THE UCLA MEN'S SOCCER TEAM, THANKS ;-D
39. Baseball: I THINK I LIKE TO WATCH IT
40. Basketball: WHY NOT
41. Football: OKAY
42. Water polo: I WOULDN’T MIND TOO MUCH IF HE LOOKED LIKE A WATER POLO PLAYER. BUT IT’S NOT LIKE HE HAS TO PLAY IT.
43. Surf: THAT WOULD BE FUN.. HE DOESN'T HAVE TO THO. BUT HE DOES NEED TO APPRECIATE THE OCEAN (AND OTHER NATURE) OR HE IS OUT
44. Skateboard: OKAY SO I CAN BORROW IT BC I WANT TO LEARN
45. Snowboard: YEA =D
46. Sing: HAHAHAA I DON’T REALLY THINK PEOPLE SHOULD SING UNLESS THEY’RE REALLLLY GOOD. BUT I GUESS IT WOULD BE CUTE.
47. Plays guitar: OH GOD THE FAMOUS “IF I PLAY GUITAR GIRLS WILL WANT ME” THING. YEAH, IT CAN’T HURT BUT WHATEVER
48. Play piano: IF YOU WILL PLAY ME CHOPIN I WILL LOVE YOU
49. Play drums: THAT’S TOO LOUD
50. Clean his room: EH
51. What kind of car does he drive: WHO CARES, AS LONG AS IT WORKS AND GOES FASTER THAN THE ISM
52. How old is he: MY AGE THROUGH A PROFESSOR’S AGE
53. What would his name be: I CONCUR. MR. DARCY IS A LOVER!!!!!
54. Nationality: Mixed would be nice... <-- HAHA SO YOU CAN HAVE HOT CHILDREN? I DON’T CARE. JUST AS LONG AS YOU CAN HANDLE MY CRAZY FAMILY.
***I HAVE STUFF TO ADD: HE HAS TO BE SMART, CAN’T BE IN A FRAT, CAN’T BE TOO RELIGIOUS, AND CAN’T LIKE BLONDIES*** ALL THE OTHER 54 THINGS UP THERE DON’T EVEN MATTER.
Michelle: i cant believe you called stacy a booger [<--btw she said this like TWO seconds after i posted)
Me: omg
Me OMG
Me: i didnt even think of it in that way
Me: i was thinking
Me: little bugger
Me: like bugger off
Michelle: bad kid BAD KID
Michelle: but you said BOOGER
hahaha, my apologies dear baby of frosh.
oh and yesterday i saw sadaf on campus for 30 seconds and it was pretty cool.
Me: omg
Me OMG
Me: i didnt even think of it in that way
Me: i was thinking
Me: little bugger
Me: like bugger off
Michelle: bad kid BAD KID
Michelle: but you said BOOGER
hahaha, my apologies dear baby of frosh.
oh and yesterday i saw sadaf on campus for 30 seconds and it was pretty cool.
hullo stace! little booger <--i dont know why, i just want to say that
ewww im so melodramatic, someone should stop me
in the courtyard today at 8am there was a guy with a surfboard and my heart almost burst
I LOVE THE OCEAN MORE THAN I LOVE YOU PUT TOGETHER
UGH k i have to go- im just online while monicas sleeping and then i have to give her cable back to her. such is life without a proper LAN connection. damn ucla.
ohh i went to Spring Sing last night. it was pretty good. does anyone know
james taylor?
because he was there. everyone was freaking out... i felt kind of left out. but i have videos if anyone likes him. he's cute for an old guy (ashamed face).
oh babay im so productive- laundry will be done in 30 min. then food and then im heading to the library until like 5pm. and then mama and salo are coming. YAY! oh im going to be so productive today, i can feel it. really. i hope.
oh and from now on don't let me skip my fitness classes. because yesterday i took two and it made a world of a difference. my fat craves exercise
i was doing my laundry on 4north and i thought of how next year all those rooms are going to be filled with MY FRIENDS you hear that, biotches? you're all going to be friends with me next year on 4N. please??? i'm excited already
BUT IM MORE EXCITED FOR THE LONG HOT SUMMER AHEAD WHERE I WILL SPEND EVERY SINGLE [NON-WORKING] MINUTE AT TORREY PINES!!!
ewww im so melodramatic, someone should stop me
in the courtyard today at 8am there was a guy with a surfboard and my heart almost burst
I LOVE THE OCEAN MORE THAN I LOVE YOU PUT TOGETHER
UGH k i have to go- im just online while monicas sleeping and then i have to give her cable back to her. such is life without a proper LAN connection. damn ucla.
ohh i went to Spring Sing last night. it was pretty good. does anyone know
james taylor?
because he was there. everyone was freaking out... i felt kind of left out. but i have videos if anyone likes him. he's cute for an old guy (ashamed face).
oh babay im so productive- laundry will be done in 30 min. then food and then im heading to the library until like 5pm. and then mama and salo are coming. YAY! oh im going to be so productive today, i can feel it. really. i hope.
oh and from now on don't let me skip my fitness classes. because yesterday i took two and it made a world of a difference. my fat craves exercise
i was doing my laundry on 4north and i thought of how next year all those rooms are going to be filled with MY FRIENDS you hear that, biotches? you're all going to be friends with me next year on 4N. please??? i'm excited already
BUT IM MORE EXCITED FOR THE LONG HOT SUMMER AHEAD WHERE I WILL SPEND EVERY SINGLE [NON-WORKING] MINUTE AT TORREY PINES!!!
hey stace that was like the 5th, 6th and 7th sentences! btw, i have troy tickets for tuesday--hot manly lovers :D
I stole this from chrissy but I was bored and I'm a sucker for these things so...
the perfect guy..
1. Hair color: doesnt really matter i guess. i'll take anything, doesnt that make me sound desperate?
2. Eye color: doesnt matter either.
3. Height: taller than me please...and bonus points if hes are still taller than me when im wearing heels
4. Six pack: um, its a bonus i guess
5. Long or short hair: short because shaggy is just gross
6. Glasses: dont care
7. Piercings: sure but not in strange places or multitude of them...he needs to get past an airport metal detector/security thing without setting it off
8. Scars: yes, at least you've lived
9. Eyebrows: yes of course, eyebrows are necessary...but 2 separate eyebrows please
10. Big butt or little: medium
11. Chest hair: eww sick no
12. Buff or skinny: just as long as he has the "V" back...
13. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: straight
14. Funny or serious: funny
15. Party or stay at home: stay at home because thats what i do hahaha
16. Should he cook or bake: both! men should learn how to cook period.
17. Should he have a best friend: absolutely
18. Should he have a lot of girl friends: sure why not...as long as they're not whores
19. Outgoing or shy: outgoing AND shy haha
20. Sarcastic or sincere: sincere because i can be sarcastic enough for the both of us
21. Should he love his mother? yes
22. Should he watch chick flicks? yes, he doesnt have to like them, but he should still watch them
23. Would he be a smoker? um, NO.
24. Would he drink? uhh, not alcoholic man but socially i guess.
25. Would he swear? sure
26. Would he play with your hair? uhhhh probably not.
27. Would he pay for dates? of couse. he wouldnt have to, naturally because thats unfair, but he should always offer.
28. Does he kiss on the first date? ummm...no
29. Where would you go to dinner? somewhere nice that i havent been before
30. Would he bring you flowers? occassionally
31. Would he lay under the stars with you? yes
32. Would he write poetry about you? Not about me, thats just freaky.. but for me? yes.. >>HAHAHA i agree
33. Would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? i hate that, NO you sicko.
34. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? of course!! my friends are me, so he must get along with them--plus, they are coolest people so he should feel lucky
35. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends? yes because i think its important
36. Will he walk you to the door at the end? yes lover please
37. Holding hands? see above
38. Soccer: YES. joe man joe---beckham is a hot man
39. Baseball: yes
40. Basketball: yes, absolutely
41. Football: uh, sure
42. Water polo: uh, it doesnt matter--In general, the guy just has to know enough about each sport to let me know what the hell is going on....
43. Surf: Yes lover.
44. Skateboard: haha sure
45. Snowboard: yes!!
46. Sing: oh man, absolutely. LOVER.
47. Plays guitar: yes because then he can sing the poems hes written while playing the guitar
48. Play piano: um, it would be nice if he did...
49. Play drums: no
50. Clean his room: it should be decent because then it would just annoy me and i'd have to go and clean it for him
51. What kind of car does he drive: doesnt matter
52. How old is he: older than me. not OLD.
53. What would his name be: haha what a question... Fitzwilliam Darcy Selden.
54. Nationality? haha it doesnt matter I guess. Mixed would be nice...
Aaaaaand END SCENE.
I stole this from chrissy but I was bored and I'm a sucker for these things so...
the perfect guy..
1. Hair color: doesnt really matter i guess. i'll take anything, doesnt that make me sound desperate?
2. Eye color: doesnt matter either.
3. Height: taller than me please...and bonus points if hes are still taller than me when im wearing heels
4. Six pack: um, its a bonus i guess
5. Long or short hair: short because shaggy is just gross
6. Glasses: dont care
7. Piercings: sure but not in strange places or multitude of them...he needs to get past an airport metal detector/security thing without setting it off
8. Scars: yes, at least you've lived
9. Eyebrows: yes of course, eyebrows are necessary...but 2 separate eyebrows please
10. Big butt or little: medium
11. Chest hair: eww sick no
12. Buff or skinny: just as long as he has the "V" back...
13. Straight teeth, gap, or braces: straight
14. Funny or serious: funny
15. Party or stay at home: stay at home because thats what i do hahaha
16. Should he cook or bake: both! men should learn how to cook period.
17. Should he have a best friend: absolutely
18. Should he have a lot of girl friends: sure why not...as long as they're not whores
19. Outgoing or shy: outgoing AND shy haha
20. Sarcastic or sincere: sincere because i can be sarcastic enough for the both of us
21. Should he love his mother? yes
22. Should he watch chick flicks? yes, he doesnt have to like them, but he should still watch them
23. Would he be a smoker? um, NO.
24. Would he drink? uhh, not alcoholic man but socially i guess.
25. Would he swear? sure
26. Would he play with your hair? uhhhh probably not.
27. Would he pay for dates? of couse. he wouldnt have to, naturally because thats unfair, but he should always offer.
28. Does he kiss on the first date? ummm...no
29. Where would you go to dinner? somewhere nice that i havent been before
30. Would he bring you flowers? occassionally
31. Would he lay under the stars with you? yes
32. Would he write poetry about you? Not about me, thats just freaky.. but for me? yes.. >>HAHAHA i agree
33. Would he call you hunny, sweetie, or baby? i hate that, NO you sicko.
34. Would he hang out with you and YOUR friends? of course!! my friends are me, so he must get along with them--plus, they are coolest people so he should feel lucky
35. Would you hang out with him and HIS friends? yes because i think its important
36. Will he walk you to the door at the end? yes lover please
37. Holding hands? see above
38. Soccer: YES. joe man joe---beckham is a hot man
39. Baseball: yes
40. Basketball: yes, absolutely
41. Football: uh, sure
42. Water polo: uh, it doesnt matter--In general, the guy just has to know enough about each sport to let me know what the hell is going on....
43. Surf: Yes lover.
44. Skateboard: haha sure
45. Snowboard: yes!!
46. Sing: oh man, absolutely. LOVER.
47. Plays guitar: yes because then he can sing the poems hes written while playing the guitar
48. Play piano: um, it would be nice if he did...
49. Play drums: no
50. Clean his room: it should be decent because then it would just annoy me and i'd have to go and clean it for him
51. What kind of car does he drive: doesnt matter
52. How old is he: older than me. not OLD.
53. What would his name be: haha what a question... Fitzwilliam Darcy Selden.
54. Nationality? haha it doesnt matter I guess. Mixed would be nice...
Aaaaaand END SCENE.
Friday, April 30, 2004
1.Go into your [journal]'s archives.
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions
calc camp was one of the best trips i've ever taken
and that was the same day i went ice blocking for the first [and only] time
2.Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3.Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4.Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions
calc camp was one of the best trips i've ever taken
and that was the same day i went ice blocking for the first [and only] time
ahh so much work technology is SO out to get me. not anyone else only ME because i think i overused it- i deserve the punishment but all the same it is driving me nuts. so sadie is on campus today- wonder if i'll see her. HEY my arm got a tan! cool but it's probably just the lighting. yesterday i bought ritz, squares of cheese, and fig newtons. that's pretty good and tomorrow my mom is coming because she's going to be in la taking my babushka to lax. awesome i love my momma and want to see her every minute. english got a little better this week (essay, not lectures) but the positive streak ends............. here. i will not see the light of day this weekend. BINDING CONDITION C I HATE YOU.
i really hate inconveniencing people. and when i have to ask for favors i recognize that i am burdening someone... you should recognize that i recognize this and be nice to me. DONT MAKE ME FEEEEL LIKE I'M ASKING THIS BIG FAVOR OF YOU WHEN IT'S SOMTHING PRETTY SMALL. okay that was a quick rant
so um is the guy w the long hair and visor homeless or not???????????????? homeless people don't eat ben&jerry's by the pint, right?
lalalalaal i am slowly going insane because i need to: get my internet fixed, buy spring sing tickets, do my homework waaaa
i really hate inconveniencing people. and when i have to ask for favors i recognize that i am burdening someone... you should recognize that i recognize this and be nice to me. DONT MAKE ME FEEEEL LIKE I'M ASKING THIS BIG FAVOR OF YOU WHEN IT'S SOMTHING PRETTY SMALL. okay that was a quick rant
so um is the guy w the long hair and visor homeless or not???????????????? homeless people don't eat ben&jerry's by the pint, right?
lalalalaal i am slowly going insane because i need to: get my internet fixed, buy spring sing tickets, do my homework waaaa
Thursday, April 29, 2004
my head is throbbing but i want to get this out before friends...
theres this thing that has been frittering around on the outskirts of my mind and i suppose you could say that i've finally obtained some sort of closure. i always thought it was gonna hit me like a bolt of lightening and just wash right over me. but i guess this was more gradual, more unsuspecting.
This next part will probably not make sense to anyone else but its important to me so...
I think our little lunch meeting thing was actually more for her and less for me. I think that maybe she needed the closure more than I did. I used to think that I was the privledged one because I knew, in spite of everything, that I was going to be the one who was gonna get out less damaged. I comforted myself by believing that I was better, and it was only a matter of time before she'd fall. Most of the time I just pitied her. So during our meeting, a feeling of surprise happiness hit me that she was trying to get her life back in order--and that she needed something from me. I could give her answers. I mean, it had been such a long time since we had a real conversation.
But, at one time, she was my best friend. I was defined by this relationship. And I was glad that I wasn't feeling any sort of hatred or anger, but I was COMPLETELY aware of everything. I think we both did a lot of letting go. I suppose we are right back to where we started...two very different people trying to figure out how to fit in each others lives. I DO understand that we are different--I'm grateful that we are so different--and I wouldn't want to mix worlds...but there is a very real connection. I think we both acknowledged the shared history and have come to this mutual understanding. We're not best friends, we havent been for a very long time. I dont know if you could even call us friends...I dont even think theres a category for where we fit. And I think thats fitting.
theres this thing that has been frittering around on the outskirts of my mind and i suppose you could say that i've finally obtained some sort of closure. i always thought it was gonna hit me like a bolt of lightening and just wash right over me. but i guess this was more gradual, more unsuspecting.
This next part will probably not make sense to anyone else but its important to me so...
I think our little lunch meeting thing was actually more for her and less for me. I think that maybe she needed the closure more than I did. I used to think that I was the privledged one because I knew, in spite of everything, that I was going to be the one who was gonna get out less damaged. I comforted myself by believing that I was better, and it was only a matter of time before she'd fall. Most of the time I just pitied her. So during our meeting, a feeling of surprise happiness hit me that she was trying to get her life back in order--and that she needed something from me. I could give her answers. I mean, it had been such a long time since we had a real conversation.
But, at one time, she was my best friend. I was defined by this relationship. And I was glad that I wasn't feeling any sort of hatred or anger, but I was COMPLETELY aware of everything. I think we both did a lot of letting go. I suppose we are right back to where we started...two very different people trying to figure out how to fit in each others lives. I DO understand that we are different--I'm grateful that we are so different--and I wouldn't want to mix worlds...but there is a very real connection. I think we both acknowledged the shared history and have come to this mutual understanding. We're not best friends, we havent been for a very long time. I dont know if you could even call us friends...I dont even think theres a category for where we fit. And I think thats fitting.
uh oh... i don't have internet. they might have taken it away from me bc of file sharing. or maybe its just broken... but i havent had it for like a day and a half and im getting worried. im in powell (library) right now using the compy. 20 min limit! i thought i was on a 5-min computer. this is great. i have to go in 10 anyway, though. i hope i get my internet back soooon.
by the way, the library is a beautiful place. it's so much easier to get work done here than anywhere else. and it's cold. and fast, free internet. what more could you want. i may consider living here, like that nyu guy. homeless_at_nyu on livejournal, i think.
uhhh i just went to english lecture and it was basically an hour and a half of the prof talking about random crap. he is allowed to use the time however he wants. god id like to get paid for that. and also-- this random kid sitting in the front row kept asking random questions and making pointless comments. and we all had to sit there and listen to it.
eek i'm really tempted to look at the screens of the people sitting around me. but it's none of my business. this is horrible.
and the sound of typing is sooo loud! i feel like i'm annoying people.
people at ucla study a lot. study study study- and this is only midterms. during finals you cant find a seat in this place. its more crowded than the dining halls... probably because no one has time to eat (since they are studying).
eh discussion in 20 minutes.. then walk back to room.. its only 230?! im starving! work on history paper, fix my ling homework, think about my english paper but do nothing, do my stats homework, procrastinate a little, go to guts butts and thighs because i didnt work out this week minus monday
hahahahah no one cares about anything im saying. its ok i dont care either
by the way, the library is a beautiful place. it's so much easier to get work done here than anywhere else. and it's cold. and fast, free internet. what more could you want. i may consider living here, like that nyu guy. homeless_at_nyu on livejournal, i think.
uhhh i just went to english lecture and it was basically an hour and a half of the prof talking about random crap. he is allowed to use the time however he wants. god id like to get paid for that. and also-- this random kid sitting in the front row kept asking random questions and making pointless comments. and we all had to sit there and listen to it.
eek i'm really tempted to look at the screens of the people sitting around me. but it's none of my business. this is horrible.
and the sound of typing is sooo loud! i feel like i'm annoying people.
people at ucla study a lot. study study study- and this is only midterms. during finals you cant find a seat in this place. its more crowded than the dining halls... probably because no one has time to eat (since they are studying).
eh discussion in 20 minutes.. then walk back to room.. its only 230?! im starving! work on history paper, fix my ling homework, think about my english paper but do nothing, do my stats homework, procrastinate a little, go to guts butts and thighs because i didnt work out this week minus monday
hahahahah no one cares about anything im saying. its ok i dont care either
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
um, today's traffic was horrible. if you were in it today, you know what i'm talking about. inching along is not fun.
on the other hand, I absolutely looove being tossed around by the wind. Its so, liberating you know? also reminds me of Pocahontas but thats another story.
hey, guess what? i really like my lover shirt--so much fun!
on the other hand, I absolutely looove being tossed around by the wind. Its so, liberating you know? also reminds me of Pocahontas but thats another story.
hey, guess what? i really like my lover shirt--so much fun!
my hands are bleeding, bruised and bordering on broken. not to mention freakishly red and swollen. Ah, I love it!! today i got a rifle for this presentation i have to do tomorrow, and if all goes well i get to keep it. Yess. my left arm is completely useless, but i'm proud of myself for doing a triple...wait, i think i can cross that off my list of things to do before i die? Yess.
the man at barnes and noble discloses a lot about himself when he talks to people. not a good thing to do:)
the man at barnes and noble discloses a lot about himself when he talks to people. not a good thing to do:)
thanks for inviting me to go with you NOT oh so easily forgotten
gah why didnt my parents make me work hard at art when i was a wee lad? i would have been cool by now. i would have some direction... GRRR i just sampled a little bit of everything never really developed a thing. i am kind of always premature
MY LIFE IS AN APPETIZER SAMPLER
why cant this be my work list
this my portfolio
this my resume
why am i eighteen going on nineteen?: and my resume says elementary school, middle school, high school, one wasted year of college, a little art: a few crappy wallpapers, a handful of photographs, some sketches and pastels, a little flute, a little gymnastics, inclination to write but nothing to show for it. not bad at many things, good at practically nothing, and really good at nothing.
gah why didnt my parents make me work hard at art when i was a wee lad? i would have been cool by now. i would have some direction... GRRR i just sampled a little bit of everything never really developed a thing. i am kind of always premature
MY LIFE IS AN APPETIZER SAMPLER
why cant this be my work list
this my portfolio
this my resume
why am i eighteen going on nineteen?: and my resume says elementary school, middle school, high school, one wasted year of college, a little art: a few crappy wallpapers, a handful of photographs, some sketches and pastels, a little flute, a little gymnastics, inclination to write but nothing to show for it. not bad at many things, good at practically nothing, and really good at nothing.
mehhhh i have so much workkkk. i am drowning someone save me. but AH today's weather such a refreshing change, no? it's all grey outside... WEIRD. the weather needs to make up its mind.. and actually stay just like today. oh SUMMER so close (kind of) yet so far away. just like kips on the low bar which by the way i can't do. but i do heart calloused hands. ummmm SO MUCH WORK. just asked my ta when english prompt for mon's essay would be up when --derr-- there IS NOT PROMPT bc we have to read 4 short stories and then write WHATEVER we want- except it has to be INSANELY SPECIFIC- ahh scary. but my ta is bonnie's friend! bonnie should put in a good word. jk. yeah still need to decide by 6th week whether i want to take this pass/fail.. would suck if i ended up with an A tho. oh but i wont. um i got my cell phone back! oh you didnt know it was gone? yeah it was sitting in pauls car for two days and then in karens pack of back but DONT WORRY anymore because i have it in my possession. AH SO MUCH WORK. PAPERS MIDTERMS kill me now. mmmm i want to go to tae bo BUT there are floor pictures. i cant belive i'll end up missing tae bo for floor pictures. feel guilty when i eat lately. not eat but eat crap. oh and i do eat so much crap. well mayhaps ill just workout double time next time as in tomorrow. law is pretty interesting, hey? well maybe i should be a lawyer? no never. it's really unfortunate that i can never apply for design media arts, perhaps it would have been great fun. since all i do in lecture is doodle anyway. oh but then i doubt 'doodles' get you into the design major. you probably have to make, uh, art of some sort. but i do lover my camera. oh and my gymnastics 'letter to the editor' was in the newspaper yesterday- ha! would have never guessed. MAMA I HAVE SO MUCH WORK TO DO
Tuesday, April 27, 2004
thats AMAZING that you saw saw that man's uh, stuff because today omg i parked my car in the parking lot and then a car backed into the spot right next to me...on my left so his drivers side was next to me...anyway, maybe he didn't know i was in the car or something bc he just opened his door wide open and um...i dunno...started to uh "handle" himself, i guess you could say? SICK MAN.
sonya, man, i'm sorry but i would have powpowpow'd them for you. thats HORRIBLE, doesn't it remind you of something that happens at recess on elementary school playgrounds?? What the kind of survey was that?!
Instead of writing a paper I spend the good portion of my morning--and class time--reading "the house of mirth" from sadie. Mr. Seldon is a lover.
Instead of writing a paper I spend the good portion of my morning--and class time--reading "the house of mirth" from sadie. Mr. Seldon is a lover.
Monday, April 26, 2004
haha thanks rach
by the way, i'd like to add that i'm not lashing out against Christianity, any particular religion, or even religion in general. These girls just happened to be Christian but I know people of all religions do this kind of thing. Also, there's a huge chance that had I been raised under Christianity, I would "believe" (for lack of a better word). But given my VERY SECULAR upbringing, I can't just accept something I never believed in... i'm not trying to defend myself, but rather explain to someone who may not understand.
by the way, i'd like to add that i'm not lashing out against Christianity, any particular religion, or even religion in general. These girls just happened to be Christian but I know people of all religions do this kind of thing. Also, there's a huge chance that had I been raised under Christianity, I would "believe" (for lack of a better word). But given my VERY SECULAR upbringing, I can't just accept something I never believed in... i'm not trying to defend myself, but rather explain to someone who may not understand.
here's a story for you.
so today i was sitting on the grass, trying to enjoy my 1 hour break between seminar and stats while basically dying in the insane heat, when... these two girls come up to me. and here is the transcribed conversation:
girl: hi, do you have 3-5 minutes?
me: sure
girl: okay, we're taking a survey about religion...
*me thinking: do i want to make an excuse...?*
girl: what's your name?
me: Sonya
girl: do you believe in God?
me: no
*girl looks at other girl*
me: actually- not no, i mean... God may exist and he may not. I just don't know. But I'm not denying the possibility.
girl: okay, so you're...
*girl looks at other girl*
other girl: atheist
girl: atheist
me: no, an athetist is someone who denies the existence/ possibility of existence of a supreme being
girl: oh... anyway can I tell you a little bit about Christianity?
me: if you can do it in 3 minutes... i have a quiz (a lie- damn, i'm going to hell)
girl: so you don't believe in Creationism? How do you think the world started?
me: no and i don't know
girl: do you know who Jesus is?
*-----pause-----*
me: are you kidding? i'm not completely ignorant, i just don't believe in it.
girl: *hesitates* oh, I was just kidding.
*i give blank look*
girl: we are sinners blah blah Jesus died for me blah .. the ONLY condition is that you have to accept Jesus as your savior...
me: *finishes her sentence*... or you are damned to hell for all eternity
girl: right
me: well thank you for the info
girl: okay Sonya, well i'll be praying for you
me: oh *laughs*, don't waste your time
okay, just a few concluding comments. #1- i respect everyone's beliefs. #2- i don't go around trying to make people "agnostic"; i leave them alone. #3- stop the PATRONIZING bullshit... i don't WANT you to pray for me.
it was pretty funny, though.
oh, and another note... i have a hard time believing that Jesus, being this awesome guy, would get pissed if i didn't "accept him". why should i accept him just-like-that? just because someone told me too? and i also can't imagine God- this omnipotent supreme being- sending me to hell just because i didn't "accept Jesus as my savior". yeah right. If God were to judge me, he would evaluate my life- the decisions I made and the way I treated people.
also, like i said before... i truly respect everyone else's beliefs. i'm not trying to say that your beliefs are worse than mine.. they are simply different. and i don't try to impose mine on you (this is just a rant), so while you can speak out against what i believe, please don't try to press your beliefs on me. (luckily all my religious friends are really great about this.)
k thanks bye
so today i was sitting on the grass, trying to enjoy my 1 hour break between seminar and stats while basically dying in the insane heat, when... these two girls come up to me. and here is the transcribed conversation:
girl: hi, do you have 3-5 minutes?
me: sure
girl: okay, we're taking a survey about religion...
*me thinking: do i want to make an excuse...?*
girl: what's your name?
me: Sonya
girl: do you believe in God?
me: no
*girl looks at other girl*
me: actually- not no, i mean... God may exist and he may not. I just don't know. But I'm not denying the possibility.
girl: okay, so you're...
*girl looks at other girl*
other girl: atheist
girl: atheist
me: no, an athetist is someone who denies the existence/ possibility of existence of a supreme being
girl: oh... anyway can I tell you a little bit about Christianity?
me: if you can do it in 3 minutes... i have a quiz (a lie- damn, i'm going to hell)
girl: so you don't believe in Creationism? How do you think the world started?
me: no and i don't know
girl: do you know who Jesus is?
*-----pause-----*
me: are you kidding? i'm not completely ignorant, i just don't believe in it.
girl: *hesitates* oh, I was just kidding.
*i give blank look*
girl: we are sinners blah blah Jesus died for me blah .. the ONLY condition is that you have to accept Jesus as your savior...
me: *finishes her sentence*... or you are damned to hell for all eternity
girl: right
me: well thank you for the info
girl: okay Sonya, well i'll be praying for you
me: oh *laughs*, don't waste your time
okay, just a few concluding comments. #1- i respect everyone's beliefs. #2- i don't go around trying to make people "agnostic"; i leave them alone. #3- stop the PATRONIZING bullshit... i don't WANT you to pray for me.
it was pretty funny, though.
oh, and another note... i have a hard time believing that Jesus, being this awesome guy, would get pissed if i didn't "accept him". why should i accept him just-like-that? just because someone told me too? and i also can't imagine God- this omnipotent supreme being- sending me to hell just because i didn't "accept Jesus as my savior". yeah right. If God were to judge me, he would evaluate my life- the decisions I made and the way I treated people.
also, like i said before... i truly respect everyone else's beliefs. i'm not trying to say that your beliefs are worse than mine.. they are simply different. and i don't try to impose mine on you (this is just a rant), so while you can speak out against what i believe, please don't try to press your beliefs on me. (luckily all my religious friends are really great about this.)
k thanks bye
sitting in love library and i've decided that i must get away. i need not only get away from san diego, but away from the country... I need to disappear for a while. I MUST GET OUT!! I think that if like living "outside" then I'll just never come back. Maybe I should take a year off or just like study abroad next year??
So I've researched it... 2nd semester in London, definitely.
So I've researched it... 2nd semester in London, definitely.
Sunday, April 25, 2004
i swear i'm regressing or something. i think i am mentally stuck i high school. isnt that pathetic? i mean, i didnt even really like high school, so what the hell?!?
i need to FOCUS. I need to get myself together and just grow up. I cant afford to mess around anymore. but i think it's sorta crappy growing up. you trade in play time for work and everything you always thought you could do just disappears. dreams stay dreams. and you have to do all the things the big grown up people have to do. HOW SCARY. responsibility can bite me. wow, im really getting depressed--i dont want to grow up anymore. I think the whole thing is just so terribly sad. you have to give up so much to grow up. HOW TRAGIC. am i having some sort of nervous breakdown here????
Visions of a sunset
Just appear when I close my eyes
Takes me closer to heaven
When the flute starts to fly and the violin cries
I will flee from all sorrow
Like the wind blows from the sky
i need to FOCUS. I need to get myself together and just grow up. I cant afford to mess around anymore. but i think it's sorta crappy growing up. you trade in play time for work and everything you always thought you could do just disappears. dreams stay dreams. and you have to do all the things the big grown up people have to do. HOW SCARY. responsibility can bite me. wow, im really getting depressed--i dont want to grow up anymore. I think the whole thing is just so terribly sad. you have to give up so much to grow up. HOW TRAGIC. am i having some sort of nervous breakdown here????
Visions of a sunset
Just appear when I close my eyes
Takes me closer to heaven
When the flute starts to fly and the violin cries
I will flee from all sorrow
Like the wind blows from the sky
