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Friday, February 18, 2005
can't sleep... it's 130...
finally the weekend is just-about here! i am so excited for this trip!!!! hopefully i'll take tons of pictures. hopefully it won't be pouring the whole time.
i've been anticipating tomorrow for a while. something scary at 3pm but hopefully all will go well. yeah it's all about confidence anyway. tomorrow will be good, though. just three sections- then lunch for the first time this quarter! scary unnamed thing then work off all the pent-up anxiety at the GYM! hopefully after gym i'll do a little work and pack and then just wait for my friends to arrive. how exciting. i haven't gone on an adventure in a while.
i can tell i won't be able to fall asleep for a long, long time.
oh today i walked from work to my room in pouring rain in sandals, white capris, and a t-shirt. it felt wonderful. really, it felt sooo good. like some kind of spiritual or moral cleansing or something. not that i have anything sinful to cleanse. and the hot shower after felt even better. water must be the coolest thing in the world. rain, showers, drinking water, ice, surfing, the ocean--- water is responsible for all of that! oh and US since we're pretty much made out of water. let's hear it for water.
i've pretty much figured out that the #1 thing keeping me awake when i want to sleep is anxiety. anxiety, or stress, is responsible for so much insomnia, illness, etc. that's pretty scary how stress can affect you physically. that's why i love friends, music, art, nature, and working out... they're all stress-relievers. let's hear it for stress relievers! and water !(because it is one)
this is just about the dumbest post i've ever birthed. it comes straight from this excited-nervous-anxious feeling in my stummy. and the caffeine i downed a few hours ago, probably.
okay i'm gonna go toss around in my bed now until the sheet is wrapped around me and my head is where my feet are supposed to be because i am ca ray zy.
goodnightekt0ksykryk=hd
finally the weekend is just-about here! i am so excited for this trip!!!! hopefully i'll take tons of pictures. hopefully it won't be pouring the whole time.
i've been anticipating tomorrow for a while. something scary at 3pm but hopefully all will go well. yeah it's all about confidence anyway. tomorrow will be good, though. just three sections- then lunch for the first time this quarter! scary unnamed thing then work off all the pent-up anxiety at the GYM! hopefully after gym i'll do a little work and pack and then just wait for my friends to arrive. how exciting. i haven't gone on an adventure in a while.
i can tell i won't be able to fall asleep for a long, long time.
oh today i walked from work to my room in pouring rain in sandals, white capris, and a t-shirt. it felt wonderful. really, it felt sooo good. like some kind of spiritual or moral cleansing or something. not that i have anything sinful to cleanse. and the hot shower after felt even better. water must be the coolest thing in the world. rain, showers, drinking water, ice, surfing, the ocean--- water is responsible for all of that! oh and US since we're pretty much made out of water. let's hear it for water.
i've pretty much figured out that the #1 thing keeping me awake when i want to sleep is anxiety. anxiety, or stress, is responsible for so much insomnia, illness, etc. that's pretty scary how stress can affect you physically. that's why i love friends, music, art, nature, and working out... they're all stress-relievers. let's hear it for stress relievers! and water !(because it is one)
this is just about the dumbest post i've ever birthed. it comes straight from this excited-nervous-anxious feeling in my stummy. and the caffeine i downed a few hours ago, probably.
okay i'm gonna go toss around in my bed now until the sheet is wrapped around me and my head is where my feet are supposed to be because i am ca ray zy.
goodnightekt0ksykryk=hd
Monday, February 14, 2005
i have about four minutes before work starts so i'll write something quickly. it's very pretty outside but what is left of the day must be devoted to studying for my art history midterm. i cannot wait until all of this is over and i get to see my lovely friends this weekend. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL IN SO LONG. k bye till then!
i have about four minutes before work starts so i'll write something quickly. it's very pretty outside but what is left of the day must be devoted to studying for my art history midterm. i cannot wait until all of this is over and i get to see my lovely friends this weekend. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL IN SO LONG. k bye till then!
i have about four minutes before work starts so i'll write something quickly. it's very pretty outside but what is left of the day must be devoted to studying for my art history midterm. i cannot wait until all of this is over and i get to see my lovely friends this weekend. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL IN SO LONG. k bye till then!
i have about four minutes before work starts so i'll write something quickly. it's a very pretty outside but what is left of the day must be devoted to studying for my art history midterm. i cannot wait until all of this is over and i get to see my lovely friends this weekend. I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL IN SO LONG. k bye till then!
Sunday, February 13, 2005
ERRANDS and work. time dedicated to homework: 1 hr while watching celebrity poker. ugh.
last night I watched Bride and Prejudice con mi mama!! it was like a freaking musical, I kid you not! it was funny and sometimes ridiculous. of course Mr. Darcy doesn't sing but he's still a hot lover. except he's not very darcy-like at all? The guy who plays him--Martin Henderson--fits the description of my love, and tries his best to give those really intense looks that only Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy can give as a man violently in love, but thats about the end of his portrayl. Theres no brooding, no supressed sexual tension, no brutal and insulting remarks, hardly any displays of pride, no anguish, no heartache, no inner struggle, no change of heart or character, and he doesn't smolder on screen the Darcy should. And yet because he was Darcy I loved him before he uttered his first line. overall, it was a hilarious new way of looking at darcy and lizzy:)
today my favorite kid came into the store today. His name is George and he moved to the states over the summer from England so he has this adorable accent. Hes about 4 years old now and is the nicest little boy ever! He used to come to my storytime every week, but then he went to preschool and I haven't seen him in months. It turns out that poor little George was getting picked on by a bully! When I first heard that I was so upset because here is this nice little gentleman who could turn out to be such a person, and these american idiots were ruining everything!! in the words of Napoleon, "idiot!" But today George came into the store and something happened which, I swear, made me so sad. George didn't remember me! I knew he wouldn't and so I was scared to talk to him so I just watched him like a freak, or stacy. Evenutally though, we read some stories. I dunno, it was just sad about the whole thing.
I need to do something productive now.
btw sonya, I really liked those pictures. the colors were awesome, like enhanced? amelie? anyway what I'm trying to say is that they were verrry pretty:)
last night I watched Bride and Prejudice con mi mama!! it was like a freaking musical, I kid you not! it was funny and sometimes ridiculous. of course Mr. Darcy doesn't sing but he's still a hot lover. except he's not very darcy-like at all? The guy who plays him--Martin Henderson--fits the description of my love, and tries his best to give those really intense looks that only Colin Firth/Mr. Darcy can give as a man violently in love, but thats about the end of his portrayl. Theres no brooding, no supressed sexual tension, no brutal and insulting remarks, hardly any displays of pride, no anguish, no heartache, no inner struggle, no change of heart or character, and he doesn't smolder on screen the Darcy should. And yet because he was Darcy I loved him before he uttered his first line. overall, it was a hilarious new way of looking at darcy and lizzy:)
today my favorite kid came into the store today. His name is George and he moved to the states over the summer from England so he has this adorable accent. Hes about 4 years old now and is the nicest little boy ever! He used to come to my storytime every week, but then he went to preschool and I haven't seen him in months. It turns out that poor little George was getting picked on by a bully! When I first heard that I was so upset because here is this nice little gentleman who could turn out to be such a person, and these american idiots were ruining everything!! in the words of Napoleon, "idiot!" But today George came into the store and something happened which, I swear, made me so sad. George didn't remember me! I knew he wouldn't and so I was scared to talk to him so I just watched him like a freak, or stacy. Evenutally though, we read some stories. I dunno, it was just sad about the whole thing.
I need to do something productive now.
btw sonya, I really liked those pictures. the colors were awesome, like enhanced? amelie? anyway what I'm trying to say is that they were verrry pretty:)
So we were playing ten fingers tonight...
There's something about that game. There was one guy got out twice and said in a frustrated tone, "man there is nothing I haven't done". And then there was me... keeping my fingers up for "not having ever gotten a C". Okay, I'm glad I get "good grades" and I'm glad I haven't done shrooms/been arrested/gotten caught masturbating, but... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope I'm living my life well. I don't want to one day be this old lady who looks back on her life and thinks about how she never really did anything or took any risks. I'm not trying to say I should go shoot up and have casual sex but I do think I should periodically evaluate my life. Who says I'm living it the best way possible? Maybe i'm just too comfortable. I sound dumb.
Today Mentorship hung out at the North Hollywood apartment buildings. Lots of crazy stuff goes down there... stabbings, murders, teachers getting chopped up into little pieces.. It all sounded exaggerated until my mentee, Stephanie, said "I'm scared. I'm scared all the time...". There's just something very wrong with that. I'm so glad that she has a good support base at home; her family seems very loving and caring. But what about the kids that don't have that? The ones that have so much potential and talent and may not get the oppoortunities to develop them... I sound like a stuck up white person writing all of this but it just makes me so sad. These kids are so awesome; I just want them to be safe. I feel like no one should have to be scared.
The next month is going to be hell. Every time I do something that is NOT studying I feel guilty. Today, especially, some poor choices were made... but WHATEVER. screw it. I'll punish myself by waking up at seven to study. But seriously.. just don't even try to contact me for the next two weeks. I probably won't be the most pleasant person to talk to. Somewhere between the art history midterm, french exams, homework, reading, and multiple papers, I think I am going to lose my mind. And no, I can't just "not care" because my parents are paying for this and being a student is my "job" (in addition to my crappy real job).
SO BLAH, i guess I just have to keep trying to 'balance' studying with having a life even though every time i'm doing one i feel like i should be doing the other and there's no way i can do both at the same time.
Oh I don't want to fill this blog with negative thoughts (even tho i just did) so i think i'll send a few pictures your way to brighten things up a bit. (actually the pictures are kind of sad but I find them pretty).
There's something about that game. There was one guy got out twice and said in a frustrated tone, "man there is nothing I haven't done". And then there was me... keeping my fingers up for "not having ever gotten a C". Okay, I'm glad I get "good grades" and I'm glad I haven't done shrooms/been arrested/gotten caught masturbating, but... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hope I'm living my life well. I don't want to one day be this old lady who looks back on her life and thinks about how she never really did anything or took any risks. I'm not trying to say I should go shoot up and have casual sex but I do think I should periodically evaluate my life. Who says I'm living it the best way possible? Maybe i'm just too comfortable. I sound dumb.
Today Mentorship hung out at the North Hollywood apartment buildings. Lots of crazy stuff goes down there... stabbings, murders, teachers getting chopped up into little pieces.. It all sounded exaggerated until my mentee, Stephanie, said "I'm scared. I'm scared all the time...". There's just something very wrong with that. I'm so glad that she has a good support base at home; her family seems very loving and caring. But what about the kids that don't have that? The ones that have so much potential and talent and may not get the oppoortunities to develop them... I sound like a stuck up white person writing all of this but it just makes me so sad. These kids are so awesome; I just want them to be safe. I feel like no one should have to be scared.
The next month is going to be hell. Every time I do something that is NOT studying I feel guilty. Today, especially, some poor choices were made... but WHATEVER. screw it. I'll punish myself by waking up at seven to study. But seriously.. just don't even try to contact me for the next two weeks. I probably won't be the most pleasant person to talk to. Somewhere between the art history midterm, french exams, homework, reading, and multiple papers, I think I am going to lose my mind. And no, I can't just "not care" because my parents are paying for this and being a student is my "job" (in addition to my crappy real job).
SO BLAH, i guess I just have to keep trying to 'balance' studying with having a life even though every time i'm doing one i feel like i should be doing the other and there's no way i can do both at the same time.
Oh I don't want to fill this blog with negative thoughts (even tho i just did) so i think i'll send a few pictures your way to brighten things up a bit. (actually the pictures are kind of sad but I find them pretty).
