AHH i am getting way stressed out. my mom has to make an emergency trip to new york for one week and i have yet to do anything for back-to-school. i didn't make an eye appointment so i couldnt order glasses or contacts (and theres not enough time to now). i didnt order any of my books. i have yet to order my hair serum and printer ink. and purchase goggles, toiletries, school supplies, and.. a minifridge (appliance, not man)?? not to mention packing.. and my schedule is so screwed up. i'm taking so few units. well 14. but i realllly should be taking like 19 for the sole reason that i want to get my money's worth. if i can do my fiat luxe seminar then it will be 15. i realllllllllllly want to get into it- the anthropology of dreams. but its all full so i will have to crash it. crash and burn.

friday september 10. what a strange day. i worked eight hours and had a surprisingly good (?) time. this girl, andie, worked today and she's really nice. we both talk a lot so during lunch we just went on and on and on. actually, i was in a strange mood all day. i was feeling rather peppy. that's gotta be annoying. but i didnt feel nervous or like a loser or boring, which was good. and still i'm known as the girl who likes the feeling of indian burn. oh how hard i try to loathe you but i cant! gotta hate that type of person... you try to dislike them and you have every reason to but but but something is stopping you. MEH. (aand none of that matters because i only have 5 and a half days of work left). at work this blind lady called and i had to go online and read her articles over the phone. she was blind and i think a little deaf and i had to read really loud. i felt so bad for everyone in the back room because they had to hear my voice for so long. i'd probably strangle myself if i had to hear that. that lady was funny. she is almost 100 years old. my goodness.

i like witty conversations like in movies. like um when you talk to someone and you go back and forth really fast and it's funny yet smart. like if it were in a book it would say "____," she retorted. specificially that word: retorted. almost like retarted but totally not. anyway yah i like feeling like i am acting in a movie. it's fun.

so as i said i was in a STRANGE mood and then i met MATT at tp and we "surfed". well, i "surfed".. i'll let him speak for himself, though. it was a beautiful sunset and i was still feeling weird. i kind of calmed down on my drive home, went for a short run, and now i'm here and i really didn't eat anything good today.

tomorrow i am driving my mom to the airport, working, and then hopefully surfing. and at night maybe a little back to school shopping of some kind? all i want to do is eat food but instead i will SLEEP.

work passed relatively quickly today. during storytime a table fell over and landed on aiden's hand :-( .. poor kid. i hope it's not broken. his poor tiny little finger. i really didn't want to break my 20 so all i ate the entire day was a yogurt and some soft graham crackers. but it was okay because time passed quickly. the obsessive compulsive guy asks me questions. he always asks "when do you close? --- fantastic! thank you!" or "how long can you check CDs out for?--- fantastic! thank you!" and then he walks away and goes into his obsessive-compulsive thing. basically he walks through the stacks all day and asks someone? himself? god? to forgive him for his blasphemous thoughts. what thoughts? i'm very curious to know. but it's scary, you know? to lose control of yourself, your mental state. i seriously doubt he knows what he's doing and at some point he was probably normal.

one week from today is my last day of work. i'm working every single day, though. i guess i will miss people. not necessarily bc im fond of them, but rather bc i just spent so much time with them. just kidding.

THE SHINS CARING IS CREEPY. whoaaa i'm excited for school. i am anticipating some excitement, but none of the male kind because i do not want that right now. not that it would happen if i begged for it ha! im excited to learn (even tho im not in the right classes), see a counselor, exercise, eat, meet people on the floor.. possibly work (yeah right who am i kidding) and PERHAPS join something.

whatever my G key is weak and its pissing me offf

I just called for Jury Duty!! ahhh...

Hey, 2 new links: matthew and zach. go check them out because they are cool. and i love how i'm mentioning zach braff like i know him or something. no. i actually just lover him.

I'm in the library right now waiting for my sister to get out of class. We got these new computers in one of the labs and I wonder if all the money we put into tuition goes to good use. I honestly don't think that we NEEDED these new computers...they could use that money to add classes. AND the "traffic control" people are still on campus "directing" traffic. They direct people to drive around in circles!! Wasted money? AND they put in these new SDSU banners and again, I don't think people even notice them. What am I PAYING for?!! I have to admit though, I love the sound of new keyboards clicking. CLICK CLICK CLICK!!!!

I went to the comm. advising office today to see if I could change into the public relations major but they were closed:( I did pick up some information about studying abroad for a semester that I thought was exciting.

CLICK CLICK CLICK!!!

Could it be that I actually like my spanish class?? shocking, I know. spanish and I have never got along before. Oh spanish, old sport.

My big genius plan is blowing up in my face. My brilliant idea isn't so brilliant because I'm becoming too emotionally involved. On paper, my idea is still brilliant...but unfortunately, I'm not completely dead inside. I feel like I'm in a one-sided infatuation/relationship. Isn't that completely sad? It's also HILARIOUS at the same time. So everyday, ALL DAY, I walk around wanting to cry and laugh. I'm like those DRAMA masks.

CLICK CLICK CLICK!!!

Quick Pre-Sleep Post: today was such a long day! i woke up all sore (with that "what did i do last night??" feeling), remembered i had gone running, and then hurridly got ready for work. i worked 11am-8pm, which felt like nothing shorter than foreverrr. seriously, my entire life in one day. maybe it felt so long because of social anxiety--- do i talk? do i stay quiet? do i care? should i care? i don't care!!!! about you!!!! MEH. no really, it's nice to know i don't. so then i was f r u s t r a t e d and i scribbed a messy sketch of The Infinite Abyss, and it felt just as good as screaming! then someone puked in the library and covered it up with books.

You Must Be Shitting Me

or maybe just talk shitting? if so then you must be a Talk Shitter. (right FB?)- just consider it for a moment. get it?

um i kind-of ran and now i'm here and i'm going to sleep so i can wake up and work another eight hour day. what fun!!! oh sh-t tomorrow is storytime. guess who is not ready for storytime. must pick out books, cut ribbon, mentally prepare myself to be happy and fun for lovely young children. second to last week :-(

is there anything better than the garden state soundtrack? no.
bye.

im testing something.

Wow it's hot today. acutally it's been hot for the last couple of days. I'm sitting alone in my house so I won't turn on the ac but this also means that I'm doing to drown in a pool of my own sweat.

Last night I came home and ate at like 10 pm (bad I know) while watching the last bit of the E! true hollywood story: "Gymnasts-little girls big dreams" then I marched up to my room and fell asleep dirty and with the clothes I wore to school still on. I only meant to take a "power nap" and then do some homework (with my gardenstate cd playing) but I never heard my alarm go off. WHen I woke up today I saw eyeliner smudged all across my pillow. And it was one of those mornings you wake up and you dont know what happened the night before. you are confused about how you even got to your bed (or wherever).

for the rest of the day I will eat, do homework, maybe do some cleaning and then I'm off to school again. On saturday I have to drive up to mission viejo to work at the store there. im not working as much because my school schedule doesnt work with the hours they need me at the store but whtaever. more reason to find a new job?

what a surreal weekend. maybe its not so bad that im working. i say this because i hardly did anything these past 3 days. friday night i came from work, so tired, and watched a movie at michelle's. the next morning, got sent away from work, and realized why i was so emotional the night before. so i sent my lovely day off inside the house (it was hot outside!) save a trip to aaron brothers to paint some watercolors my sister and i did a few years ago. they look nice, hanging upstairs. oh yes, and at night i went to barnes and noble. saturday was the best day of the weekend, actually. i had a lovely flute lesson where i was reminded of just how awesome playing an instrument is and how cool my teacher is. after going to aeropostale to return something (and realizing i forgot the receipt!), i went to stacy's. from there we went to coronado, said bye to the ocean (and yelled into it), ate at costa azul, and made it to mm right in time to watch Garden State (yes, again). it was even better the second time. afterwards, had a pow-wow at hilltop and screamed some more. and said goodbye to stacy (and in some way, summer).
today was lame. woke up at noon, watched tv, took a long nap, watched tv. close to sunset, i took a walk at tp with my family but i felt sooo heavy and lethargic like a big fat sloth.
[BY THE WAY, THE S&G SONG IS SOO GOOD]. BECAUSE I AM NOT A ROBOT!! haha family guy, sorry.
anyway. then i watched more tv and ate and ate and i feel disgusting. tomorrow: work and more work. it's all slowly w i n d i n g d o w n .

i've started thinking of school. i applied for a few jobs but theres like a 1% chance i will actually get them. i am so not established up in LA. i dont know if its bc i kept coming home or bc im not ready to let go of san diego (bc i love it too much like an old pair of tennis shoes, or (if im zach braff) a toothbrush)... anyway. i have no job or club or friends there hahaha. but i love it nonetheless. so if i dont get a job ill probably apply to be a photographer.
and i took some time to look at classes and majors. and i thought in the bathtub.

i think i'm going to drop my comparitive polit. class. and i think i'm going to do psychology. and hopefully next year, art history. it will be the best of both worlds. i can do psychology because it is interesting and i like studying people and id really prefer child psychology. the major has so much potential and i think its something i would not get tired. and with art history i could learn the history of civilization (which id like to know before i die) and also get inspiration for my own art (that doesnt yet exist). hopefully this will give me a goal and buy me some time while i figure out what exactly i want to do. ill come out of college knowing something and then i can go to grad school. and, like my mom says, i can do child psychology and then open up a children's art school so kids can express all of their angst and learn about the little prince and puff the magic dragon.

i dont really want to hear what anyone has to say about this. im sick of people bad mouthing majors and peoples goals and plans. i think any goal is a good one and as long as someone has a desire to do something, anything, that is good. so im pretty happy with my decision. and for now, i have something to work for. and i'm really excited to learn. so when i return to school ill declare pre-psych and find out about the art history classes. and everything is going to be fine.

sal on left, me on right

Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where And we don't know where

SOO GOOD! download: the only boy living in new york (#10 on the soundtrack)
!!!!!!

For a Garden State CD (this doesn't mean I promote music downloading:)):

1. Don't Panic- Coldplay
scene: waking up and the medicine cabinet
And we live in a beautiful world, Yeah we do, yeah we do, We live in a beautiful world.
Oh, all that I know, There’s nothing here to run from,’cause everybody here’s got somebody to lean on.

2. Caring is Creepy- The Shins
scene: Large uncovers his grandfather's motorcycle
It's a luscious mix of words and tricks
That let us bet when you know we should fold
On rocks i dreamt of where we'd stepped
And the whole mess of roads we're now on.

3. In the Waiting Line- Zero 7
scene: the party
Do you believe In what you see Motionless wheel Nothing is real

4. New Slang- The Shins
scene: doctor's office waiting room "they'll change your life"
And if you'd 'a took to me like A gull takes to the wind. Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the king of the eyesores And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

5. I just don't think I'll ever get over you- Colin Hay
scene: sam's room

6. Blue Eyes- Cary Brothers
scene: the bar

7. Fair- Remy Zero
scene: tapdancing
Hey, are you lonely? Has summer gone so slowly? We found the ground And that damage was done It's cold as you fade into the sun Where'd you go? To me?

8. One Of These Things First- Nick Drake
scene: sam mark and large set out to find "that piece" that needs to be tracked down
I could be here and now. I would be, I should be, but how?I could have been one of these things first. I could have been one of these things first.I could have been your pillar, could have been your door.I could have stayed beside you, could have stayed for more.Could have been your statue, could have been your friend,a whole long lifetime could have been the end.I could be yours, so true. I would be, I should be through and through.I could have been one of these things first. I could have been one of these things first.

9. Lebanese Blonde- Thievery Corporation
scene: walking into the Hotel

10. The only Living Boy in New York- Simon and Garfunkel
scene: screaming

11. Such Great Heights- Iron and Wine
scene: the "morning after"
I am thinking it's a sign
that the freckles in our eyes are mirror images
and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned and I have to speculate that God himself did make us into corresponding shapes like puzzle pieces from the clay
true, it may seem like a stretch, but its thoughts like this that catch my troubled head
when you're away when I am missing you to death

12. Let Go- Frou Frou
scene: end scene and credits

13. Winding Road- Bonnie Somerville
scene: end credits

well I'm awake at quarter to five in the morning because I'm a very paranoid about people outside and cars being stolen. And then I start thinking....and it's not a pretty thing because I'm going crazy.

STACY--I think you are about to leave for Stanford. Have a great everything...PEACE OUT PLAYA!! You shall be missed dear friend and summer was too short.

blah blah blah I'm not going to write about all the stuff we talked about because I don't think its necessary. But I will say that it was a great night and wonderfully spent screaming at the top of our lungs. Yay for being alive and screaming! What an awesome form of expression! Garden State is again, a great movie... and I replaced my orlando wallpaper with one of the movie:) Oh Zach Braff!! They do exist.

(*^#%HF*Y(*#. I'm totally driving myself insane. I drive myself crazy, drive myself crazy thinking of yooooooou and now I can't sleep because in the midst of me analyzing every moment, I got really frustrated with myself because of all the time spent CARING on something so hopeless. instead, I go online and spend my time blogging and complain about caring.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, on another note...I made it so anyone can post comments and you dont have to register or whatever so YAY.

i just had a flute lesson! it was soo cool. i LOVE mozart. ugh i hate being a girl. and excuse me senor sol, can you please turn it down a few notches?

LATER