so my dad got me this book... careers in communications and entertainment. i'll go read it and tell you what i found. maybe i'll find what i want to be when i grow up? oh, have i told you my theory? i think that when they grow up, everyone should be what they wanted to be when they were little. despite the excess of firefighters, doctors, and astronauts, (and the lack of gynecologists [and porn stars as douglas pointed out to me]) i don't think it's a bad idea. people would actually be happy.

according to this theory i should be "an author and an artist". (?) (?) (?).

this break has been strange... i was just shuffling through the archives, reading my posts from this time last year. i was SO happy during break... i was appreciating every second of it and i was so in love with life and all of that stuff. maybe it's because high school was so stressful and i finally got a minute to relax. i don't know what has changed this year, but break is a really boring day that plays in slow motion. or a bunch of deleted scenes that got rejected from the movie and only now show up.

it sucks to know that your entire life-- everything you do-- your mood, your accomplishments-- your relationships... it all depends on YOU. your entire life is what you make of it. that is so scary. can't someone do it for me? can't i just exist without actually doing anything and still have my life happen? your entire life is your REACTION. BLEH.

aristotle defines the highest achieveable human good as happiness (eudaimonia in latin)--- living well or doing well by performing reason-involving activity done well in accordance with the virtues or excellences. and this is the secret to living a wonderful, fulfilling life. . . . but what the hell does that mean I should be doing? sit there and contemplate why my life is such a complete blob of nothing and why i'm not headed in any direction and why there are so many beautiful things that i don't take advantage of because it's so easy not to?
if i could just create something i would feel so much better.

music and nature are the two most amazing things in the entire world.

heeheehee what the hell did i write? oh well, i won't erase it... i will just let it be and soon it will retire to the archives with the rest of the crap i wrote when i was halfcrazed. so i have verizon now yaaaay perhaps i will actually have service. yesterday we spent a nice day in julian so i'll put some pics of that up soon... break is ending. really, it is. =[
im cold so im gonna go put socks on now.

=D !!

it's sort of like your room is dirty, and how many times in a row can you eat spaghetti without getting sick? i'd much rather live on bread than chocolate ganache torte. oh, and you can't find your pencil because it is in your goddam hair.

so i have this typewriter that lives under my sister's bed and it types loudly and when you press a button it makes a crispy crunchy sound. when i use it i want to write novels and letters and love letters but instead i kind of just sit there. just like with rain. i want to run in it or go somewhere or maybe hold hands with someone but instead i listen to it and at the same time chopin's C sharp minor Waltz, which I suggest you download. and i am just so u n h a p p y becuase no matter how good people tell you things are or can be, they're mostly always lying. they probably don't know any better but it's kind of like hiding a snowflake in your freezer, only when you take it out it isn't any good anymore. almost like finding a pretty rock at the ocean because when it falls out of your sweatshirt pocket the next morning it really isn't pretty and it's actually just a plain ugly rock, like one from the road. that's because you shouldn't have taken it from the water where it belongs. it's kind of funny to keep painting a picture that is just getting uglier and uglier and you think by adding pink it'll turn nice but then pink and green turn into brown, didn't you know that? it's true and the song is over now so maybe i should wash my paintbrush and get a new piece of paper. you can try downloading pachelbel canon in d but then you'll be typical and there's nothing worse than feeling typical because you don't matter. it would be nice to play the violin. except i'd give up before i started, just like i probably should have done with the painting.

and everything i touch turns ugly.

tojopawrkgtpowakpblaahianp pefrojpwejrroaqrKIHHHHHHH sSjpasjgksodkzd[oks

i LOVE the rain

yay for orlando, captain jack sparrow, and my friends ---even if they did spend almost 2 hours making fun of me and sometimes being downright mean. you are cool nonetheless. boo for holiday shopping- how stressful and disgusting BLEH gollumgollum. ahh i ate lots at michelles house-- i feel like the fat hobbit :-]

i've lost any capability and desire i ever had to write... and break is slowly- er quickly- slipping through my fingers. less than 2/3 left... i must say the last week or so was very enjoyable and i could get used to this no work/all fun lifestyle. only i actually can't because before i know it i'll be waking up for 9am class and staying on campus till 5 (darkness eeek).

i dunno... i'm boring and i'm bored and i don't have much else to say, other than that i'm thankful for everyone and everything that is good. goodnight.

.

ouch my poor footses. tricksy little hobbitses. ouch =[

hey go look at my sis's website www.geocities.com/salomeyasobko bc she used an orli layout for it. yayayayay.

so we finally got our tree today hahah but before we put it up we have to do some hardcore house cleaning. i guess it feels more like christmas break now, altho almost all my presents went to shit when i realized people already had what i got them.. or when people found what i got them (dad). i guess it doesn't really matter, tho.

last night kats mom planned a dinner for work friends and i got to see kat, norma, jordie, clare, etc. it was really fun =] apparently ms. pat asked why i hadnt called yet about working over break (oops...) so i think i'll give her a call bc its not like im doing much...

but yah break has definitely become more exciting because im actually starting to go places and do things now that people are back. it was kind of lame getting out a week before everyone else. but it was also good relaxing time.

stace, your house is always swimming in food. we are still enjoying your mom's cookies over here. mmm.

what elseeeee.. i love lord of the rings and i feel really bad for not watching it for so long, but whatever- now i see the light and i probably owe that to michelle, so thanks michelle. i'm looking forward to another girls day/night type of thing so we should really go do something.

eeek and i need to finish shopping.

BYE FOLKS!

for clarification purposes---regarding aragorn and arwen from return of the king ;)

but elrond saw many things and read many hearts. one day, therefore, before the fall of the year he called aragorn to his chamber, and he said: " Aragorn, lord of the dunedain, listen to me! a great doom awaits you, either to rise above the height of all your father since the days of elendil, or to fall into the darkness with all that is left of your kind. many years of trial lay before you. you shall neither have wife, nor bind any woman to you in troth, until your time comes and you are found worthy of it"

"but I do not speak of my daughter alone. you shall be betrothed to no mans child as of yet. but as for arwen the fair, lady of imladris and of lorien, evenstar of her people, she is of lineage greater than yours, and she has lived in the world already so long that to her you are but as a yearling shoot beside a young birch of many summers, she is too far above you. and so, i think, it may well seem to her. but even if it were not so, and her heart turned towards you, i should still be grieved because of the doom that is laid on us."

"what is that doom?" said aragorn.

"That so long as I abide here, she shall live with the youth of the Eldar," answered elrond, "and when I depart, she shall go with me, if she so chooses."

"I see," said aragorn. " that I have turned my eyes to a treasue no less dear than the treasure of Thingol that Beren once desired. such is my fate." then suddenly the foresight of his kindred came to him, and he said: "but lo! master elrond, the years of your abiding run short at last, and the choice must soon be laid on your children, to part either with you or with middle-earth."

"Truly," said Elrond. "soon, as we account it, though many years of men must still pass. but there will be no choice before Arwen, my beloved, unless you, Aragorn arathorn's son, come between us and bring one of us, you or me, to a bitter parting beyond the end of the world. You do not know yet what you desire of me."
.......

And thus it was that Arwen first beheld him again after their long parting; and as he came walking towards her under the trees of Caras Galadhon laden with flowers of gold, her choice was made and her doom appointed.

Then for a season they wandered together in the glades of lothorien until it was time for him to depart. and on the evening of midsummer Aragorn Arathorn's son, and Arwen daughter of Elrond walked unshod on the undying grass with elanor and niphredil about their feet. and there upon that hill they looked east to the shadow and west to the twlight, and they plighted their troth and were glad. and arwen said: "dark is the shadow, and yet my heart rejopices for you, Estel, shall be among the great whose valour will destroy it."

but aragorn answered: "alas! I cannot forsee it, and how it may come to pass is hidden from me. yet with your hope i will hope. and the shadown I utterly reject. but neither, lady, is the twilight for me; for I a mortal, and if you will cleave to me, Evenstar, then the twilight you must also renounce."

and she stood then as still as a white tree, looking into the west, and at last she said: "I will cleave to you, dunadan, and turn from the twilight. yet there lies the land of my people and the long home of all my kin." she loved her father dearly.
.......

When Elrond learned the choice of his daugther, he was silent, though his heart was grieved and found the doom long feared non the easier to endure. but when Aragorn came again to rivendell he called him to him, and said:
"My son, years come when hope will fade, and beyond them little is clear to me. and now a shadow lies between us. maybe, it has been appointed so, that by my loss the kingship of Men may be restored. Therefore, though I love you, I say to you: Arwen Undomiel shall not diminish her life's grace for less cause. She shall not be the bride of any Man less than the King of both Gondor and Arnor. To me then even our victory can bring only sorrow and parting--but to you hope of joy for a while. Alas, my son! I fear that to Arwen the Doom of Men may seem hard at the ending."
........

Then the King welcomed his guest, and they alighted; and Elrond surrendered the sceptre, and laid the land of his dughter in the hand of the King, and together they went up into the High City, and all the stars flowered in the sky. And Aragorn the King Elessar wedded Arwen Undomiel in the City of the Kings upon the day of Midsummer, and the tale of their long waiting and labours was come to fufilment.

.......

and Arwen Evenstar remained also, and she said farewell to her brethren. None saw her last meeting with Elrond her father, for they went up into the hills and there spoke long together, and bitter was their parting that should endure beyond the ends of the world.
......

The third age ended thus in victory and hope; and yet grievous among the sorrows of that age was the parting of elrond and arwen, for they were sundered by the sea and by a doom beyond the end of the world...elrond grew weary at last and forsook middle-earth, never to return. but arwen became as a mortal woman, and yet it was not her lot to die until all that she had gained was lost.

And for all her wisdom and lineage she could not forbear to plead with him to stay yet for a while. She was not yet weary of her days, and thus she tasted the bitterness of mortality that she had taken upon her.

"Lady Undomiel," said Aragorn, "the hour is indeed hard, yet it was made even in that day when we met under the birches in the garden of Elrond where none now walk. and on the hill of cerin amroth when we forsook both the shadown and the twilight this doom we accepted. Take counsel with yourself, beloved, and ask whether you would indeed have me wait until I wither and fall from my hight seat unmanned and witless. Nay, lady, I am the last of the Numenoreans and the latest King of the Elder Days; and to me has been given not only a span thrice that of men of middle-earth, but also the grace to go at my will, and give back the gift. Now, therefore, I will sleep.

I speak no comfort to you, for there is no comfort for such pain within the circles of the world. The uttermost choice is before you: to repent and go to the havens and bear away into the west the memory of our days together that shall there be evergreen but never more than memory; or else to abide the Doom of Men."

"Nay, dear lord," she said," that choice is long over. there is now no ship that would bear me hence, and I must indeed abide the doom of men, whiter I will or I nill: the loss and the silence. But I say to you, King of the Numenoreans, not till now have I understood the tale of your people and their fall. as wicked fools I scorned them, but I pity them at last. For if this is indeed, as the Eldar say, the gift of the One to Men, it is better to recieve."

"So it seems," he said. " But let us not be overthrown at the final test, who of old renouced the shadown and the ring. In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! We are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory. Farewell!

[my fav. lines...]
Then a great beauty was revealed in him, so that all who after came here looked on him in wonder; for they saw the grace of his youth, and the valour of his manhood, and the wisdom and majesty of his age were blended together. And long there he lay, an image of the splendor of the Kings of Men in glory undimmed before the breaking of the world.
.....

There at last when the mallorn-leaves were falling, but spring had not yet come, she laid herself to rest upon Cerin Amroth; and there is her green grave, until the world is changed, and all the days of her life are utterly forgotten by men that come after, and elanor and niphredil bloom no more east of the sea.