pics from shell's bday are up... see pics link on left
oh, and here is some eye candy from the famous ucla undie run that i did not know existed
Thursday, March 25, 2004
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
Monday, March 22, 2004
One more thing. TOday in my Comp. Lit class we went over this poem by Felix Mnthali called "The Stranglehold of English Lit." It attacks English Literture, especially Jane Austen. So we talk all period about how her novels are misleading blah blah blah.
I was so distraught.
I wanted to stand up and yell "there is nothing wrong with Mr. Darcy or the shades of pemberly! Mr. Darcy is a great man who loves and loves and is just so proud but is loyal and looks after his sister and loves Elizabeth even when he shouldn't." I wanted to say that Jane Austen was great and her characters are great and that Mr. Darcy has always been my friend! I want to defend him and say that he's more real that most people I know, and when I need to, I can push play or open my copy of Pride and Prejudice and it's like having tea with an old friend who is also Lover Loverson.
Instead I scribble Mr. Darcy's name about a thousand times over the poem with little hearts and stars.
I was so distraught.
I wanted to stand up and yell "there is nothing wrong with Mr. Darcy or the shades of pemberly! Mr. Darcy is a great man who loves and loves and is just so proud but is loyal and looks after his sister and loves Elizabeth even when he shouldn't." I wanted to say that Jane Austen was great and her characters are great and that Mr. Darcy has always been my friend! I want to defend him and say that he's more real that most people I know, and when I need to, I can push play or open my copy of Pride and Prejudice and it's like having tea with an old friend who is also Lover Loverson.
Instead I scribble Mr. Darcy's name about a thousand times over the poem with little hearts and stars.
ah. I'm avoiding. Sometimes I let myself believe that I'm only procrastinating, but now I'm beyond that stage and can no longer pretend that I'm not avoiding. And yet it is still unfinished.
Today I sat in Waldenbooks, right in front of the LotR section (but I wasnt reading LotR...gasp I know) and this girl was passing by and asked her boyfriend if he ever read Lord of the RIngs. I was trying not to show any emotion while reading my book. But then the guy said something about not liking science fiction/fantasy, so I just had to jump into their conversation! The girl laughed and the guy asked if I was a literature major. I said no and he said something like "oh so you just like reading it for fun..." I dont know how to take that.
I also made a fool of myself getting off the escalator.
Today I sat in Waldenbooks, right in front of the LotR section (but I wasnt reading LotR...gasp I know) and this girl was passing by and asked her boyfriend if he ever read Lord of the RIngs. I was trying not to show any emotion while reading my book. But then the guy said something about not liking science fiction/fantasy, so I just had to jump into their conversation! The girl laughed and the guy asked if I was a literature major. I said no and he said something like "oh so you just like reading it for fun..." I dont know how to take that.
I also made a fool of myself getting off the escalator.
ive gone insane gone insane gone insane scattered bits of journal pieces i swear im not insane. just like everyone else. too much like everyone else. the words taste stale, and that's why.
you're flying because you can say anything.. say anything, words and feelings no longer hold each other back. they're allies and it's so much easier all of it
the first unsure and naive. the second hopeful and naive. the third unrehearsed but over-practiced confused messy dirty sad unassuming hopeful hopeless naive. and the final- too tired to be naive- tragic like all finalities. to hold on to let go. to mark a happy ending. and a tragic beginning. not nuanced. or softened or better. ruthless truth ungarnished on a cold hard platter SHOVED down your throat. so forcefully your eyes well up in tears. and the tears they smell so strongly of you
face to face blindfolded a cement wall blocks the ocean from the shore- imagine that. an empty hand and im being eaten alive by insects. they can have me, tearing my hair out and out and out and i just have to forget how good it can be. how good it can be because it can't. it can't be good. oh, i'm so bad. so i replay replay replay smile tension kiss shrug hurt shy drive shiver tear laugh, play replay replay replay and it goes dead.
right here, all the way over there. every moment is the hardest moment and tomorrow will be the hardest moment.
you're flying because you can say anything.. say anything, words and feelings no longer hold each other back. they're allies and it's so much easier all of it
the first unsure and naive. the second hopeful and naive. the third unrehearsed but over-practiced confused messy dirty sad unassuming hopeful hopeless naive. and the final- too tired to be naive- tragic like all finalities. to hold on to let go. to mark a happy ending. and a tragic beginning. not nuanced. or softened or better. ruthless truth ungarnished on a cold hard platter SHOVED down your throat. so forcefully your eyes well up in tears. and the tears they smell so strongly of you
face to face blindfolded a cement wall blocks the ocean from the shore- imagine that. an empty hand and im being eaten alive by insects. they can have me, tearing my hair out and out and out and i just have to forget how good it can be. how good it can be because it can't. it can't be good. oh, i'm so bad. so i replay replay replay smile tension kiss shrug hurt shy drive shiver tear laugh, play replay replay replay and it goes dead.
right here, all the way over there. every moment is the hardest moment and tomorrow will be the hardest moment.
Sunday, March 21, 2004
just found something stace gave me once:
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." - Richards Bach
and that's all i have to say about that.
restocked: strawberry juice bar, vanilla klondike bar, 25 cent box of lemonheads
and 4 more days until home sweet home
"Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again, after moments or lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends." - Richards Bach
and that's all i have to say about that.
restocked: strawberry juice bar, vanilla klondike bar, 25 cent box of lemonheads
and 4 more days until home sweet home
still lunatic, but am tamer lunatic. oh, the wonder of naps. i have a full day of studying ahead of me, but am equipped with one 1.74 OZ bag of Peanut m&m's, which means everything will be okay. can you realize something you already know and have known for a long time? because i am realizing all of my addictions and how dangerous they are and how they CONTROL me. for this reason i'm going to do my best to stay off of AIM, altho i realize this will induce crack-addict withdrawl symptoms. i dont want to waste my life away anymore.
DAMN THE INFORMATION AGE. DAMN THE TIME OF INSTANT COMMUNICATION. I don't want to be a product of AIM Instant Messenger. anymore.
it's funny how many journal pages withdrawl can fill up. but it's a new day and i just took a shower.
stacy, kiss san diego for me !
DAMN THE INFORMATION AGE. DAMN THE TIME OF INSTANT COMMUNICATION. I don't want to be a product of AIM Instant Messenger. anymore.
it's funny how many journal pages withdrawl can fill up. but it's a new day and i just took a shower.
stacy, kiss san diego for me !
