how can i possibly forget the way it is. the power of burying negative memories and feelings is infinite. but the problem is that you never really escape for good. and then you just feel worse

my internal clock is off... on thursday night my floor from last year had a cinco de mayo reunion that really had nothing to do with cinco de mayo. it was so much fun hanging out with people that i can be completely comfortable around. i don't remember the last time i just sat and talked with a big group of people into the wee hours of the morning.. well it must have been last year. we got home at 4am, i went to class, slept until dinner, and now it's almost 4am once again. i cant wait until next year when we have our own (cute) place. we can entertain; we can bum on the couch; we can cook and BAKE. there will be so much spaaace. it is going to be AWESOME.

i applied for mentorship committee.. so i'll be having an interview soon. i'm scared. but if i get this then i'll already have something exciting lined up for next year... i'll pretty much know how i'll be spending my time (outside of the academic realm). so im scared and excited at the same time.

things are happening.. plans are being made and realized. you really have to make things happen for yourself. it's really scary. i'm starting to think for myself. and soon i'll be doing things my parents are against. and that's okay, i think. on that note, i need to read up on the peace corps. not to spite them, but because i'm becoming an individual.

oh wow i didn't even write about the clinic. it was GREAT. i loved every minute... i did my Russia presentation and we had interesting discussions that went past the allotted hour... it was a great experience and i can't wait to go back this thursday. but first, 2 midterms. ICK i hate these looming obstacles.

i cant sleep; there's too much going on. im gonna go read myself into a dream. BYE

i havent been up this late/early in sooo long

the semester is coming to an end and stress levels are, of course, rising. and I cant even take comfort in the idea of summer because, lucky me, I don't get a break from school until sometime in august. a cruel, sick joke--I tell myself--but no, its true. I should have one week of complete academic abandon before buckling down for the summer. and I am absolutely devastated to find that I wont even have that. my last final is on the 19th and summer session doesnt start until a week later...but surprise, MIRAMAR doesnt get out until the day before I start back at state. therefore I must wait until august to enjoy anything that remotely resembles summer. by the way, how did summer vacation shrink to a dismal seven days? oh summer, how I miss you already!

without fail, towards the end of every semester (perhaps when I can least risk it) I become incredibly lazy. Slacker extrodinaire and all that. Im trying hard not to let that happen these last 2 weeks and some days are better than others. blogging, I know, is not in any way productive, but at least Im not falling asleep before I even open my books. anyway, between the end of the semester and the beginning of the new semester, I get really energized and excited about my new classes. But now I know that I will just be as drained and pathetic as I am now during summer session due to my lack of carefree abandon. bastards. I cant be held responsible for any crappy grades. completely not my fault.

-(3) astronomy tutorials
- astronomy final
- spanish exam
- spanish presentation
- spanish final
- political science final
- humanities written final
- humanities final

and the fact that in about 5 days I will no longer have a job sorta makes me want to crawl into a cave. the amount of anxiety and stressssss that I feel are just ridiculous and all I want to do is nothing. actually the last couple days Ive wanted to go to the beach--but in a way very different than sadaf because, you know, I actually like the beach:) its been nice weather, Im sorry to see it go away (again).

yes, I can feel it...this summer is going to be great.