awakening

this is how badly i want to go to grad school.... i just opened own of my final papers that I turned in in june and i edited it to make it better. no one will ever see it again but i edited it and it was sooooo enjoyable. oooooooooh

if i knew freshman year what i know now...
i would have majored in philosophy, comparative literature, women's studies and possibly political science (yes, this is impossible)
i would have minored in education still (woo! i got something right!)
i would have taken afro am studies classes
i would have done ed research and gotten involved with IDEA

THERE IS SO MUCH I WANT TO LEARN RIGHT NOW
apart from wanting to read everything ever written, i want to study: critical pedagogy, more freire, critical consciousness, cultural and race theory, socialism, the afro am experience, women's studies, intersectionality
........and i want to read so much literature and philosophy.

i feel like i am only now waking up

AAAAHHHHHH

aaaaahhh im getting waaaaay stressed out

Day one, part two.

today was soooo freaking hot and about a million people decided to descend upon campus today. it was disgusting.

on a better note, I did meet up with new and old friends which helped the time go by quicker. oh, and much to my surprise I have an old buddy old sport in my latin class, which means on the campus of 30,000+ students, there's one person I can relate to haha. Still, I'm grateful he's there because one person can mean all the difference.

so I have to rearrange my schedule. again. how is it possible that I'm already stressed?! I'm dropping french for italian--but that means I'm on campus Monday through Thursdays with a 3.5 hour gap everyday. everyday. That is, if I can crash the Italian course tomorrow. I've never really had to crash a course so I don't know how this will work haha.

and now, time to hit the books and make something of myself.

Day one.

So I'm sitting in the computer lab on the first day of school. I have a 3.5 hour break until my next class. I have absolutely nothing to do. I just got out of my first class...and let me just say that as non-important as the first day of school always is, it can be exhausting. The parking people in the neon vests always make me glare at them as they flag me around parking structure after parking structure. There's even more freaking people on campus than usual--more bodies to walk around, more lines, more people to avoid, more chances to be irritated. There are the overly cute and overly bubbly freshmen, the sophomores who cant wait to show off the fact they they aren't freshmen at every chance they get by talking way too much about nothing, and I have to politely avoid those people on centennial walkway who want to give me a thousand flyers. No man, I don't want that coupon book. Yes, I'm registered to vote but no I don't want to sign anything. I'm late to class. All I want to do is get to class and sit in some air-conditioned room away from the sweaty crowds. Thanks.

Funny thing, 1st year Greek is in the same classroom that I had 1st year Latin almost two years ago. It was familiar and yet not, because the people were different and I was different. I'm pretty much surrounded by lowerclassmen, the lone island in the midst of giggles and high fashion, and I felt such a disconnect. I remembered my old latin class--we all got along really well and we stuck with each other for 2 years. Looking around that room, I know it wont be like that. Am I making snap judgments? Possibly. Probably.

It's also a strange thing to be back. Because my old Department was so small, I really had this small, solid core of people that I would see daily and that I could relate to. And now, for various reasons, I don't really have that anymore. It's a strange feeling. It's new and a maybe a little sad and possibly a little lonely. A campus of 30,000+ students, and I feel like I can't relate to a single other person.

Times are hard for dreamers.