i guess i can't get mad at people for not posting when i myself have not posted in way too long. it's funny to think back to freshman year, when i wanted to be a writer (haha) and posted incessantly. well, i was also very lost then and found comforting in seeing my thoughts turned to words on the screen. i'm still lost, i guess, but in different ways.

i like it here. i was sitting in kerckhoff this evening, amidst the halloween decorations, listening to john mayer fill the cafe, and i thought: i like it here; i like it here; i like it here. almost everyone i have met this year i have liked. is it a change in everyone around me or is it a change in me? it's hard to say; it's hard to acknowledge change in yourself. but i know that (in contrast to freshman year) i like waking up in the morning and i like going to my classes and i don't even mind being on campus every day from 9-5 (and 5 will be 8 once mentorship picks up).

i love mentorship and the people i get to work with. it feels like my schoolworks suffering but screw it. we got 120 applications. soon interviews, decisions, training, and then the kids come... and it will get crazier and crazier but also more and more worthwhile. it feels good to be excited for something ahead of me.

it also feels good to enjoy the present. the past two years were like "i can't wait till this class is over", "i can't wait till today is over", "i can't wait till this week is over", and BAM the quarter is over and the year and i am 20 (soon). but now i'm finding myself involved in things i enjoy and it's quite revolutionary (yet so obvious and simple haha).

some things are bad too but i'm not going to write about them. why waste time & space.

um, so, as pretty-good as things are, i find myself trying to mentally re-live the summer ALL the time. this nostalgia manifests itself in many forms: struggling to finish master and margarita, scaring french guys by overwhelming them when they try to apply for mentorship...

so i think about the past a lot.

i've also been thinking about the future. like, i don't want to go to grad-school, or at least not for a long time, or at least not for psychology. i am so confused, but the more and more i hear about it at my internship, the more i'm like BLEH!*73&^%$! It really feels like once you're in grad school, THAT'S IT. once you have a career, once you have kids, it's over. once you have a husband it's over. but while you don't have any of that you're FREE. FREE to do random jobs, to travel, to go on adventures. by the way, i really think i am an adventurer. or i have it in me, at least.

i want to do random stuff for several years. because after that, it's over. some people may say it's just beginning, but they're lying. (haha because i know so much about careers and life and etc).

anyway.

salo was supposed to come for a fun-filled weekend but she got sick. poor little salo. tomorrow evening is the wine and cheese party, small problem- i can't speak french. next weekend, disneyland. 3-day weekend, san francisco. but now: WORK WORK WORK.

pathetic update, but an update nonetheless. goodnight.

I just got home from work and am completely exhausted...it was one of those ridiculous days at work where everything that could possibly go wrong, does. still need to study for my uber important humanities midterm--although I think the test itself will discriminate against those of us who write fairly LARGE (& in charge). BUT good news! Ive been waiting for days to hear back from the Registrar to see if my petition was approved, and it was!! Yaaay! Because honestly, I dont know what I could have done if it wasnt approved. happiness because now Im back on track with my classes and everything, thank God:) haha but opening the letter was pure agony--it was like college acceptance letter kind-of dread. The envelope was so light that I thought for sure I would be rejected--heart pounding and everything. But it was all for naught, though my nerves did get to have their fun:) now to sleep, but not to dream!
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Darcy Love<3