yay sonya I'm glad ucla did well and that you got to see it all:)
I watched "Real women have curves" with ashley and stephanie. few comments--those 5 girls are BRAVE. stretch marks and cellulite are beautiful things.
and you bleed just to know you're alive.
I really must be half dead. the school year is almost over and as I started gathering scraps of my life over this last year, I realized that I pretty much didn't exist. I really have nothing to show for having been alive except for a few random journal entries, torn ticket stubs from plays, and a few yellowing 'Daily Aztecs.'
now, I feel so fragile. And the world is too much. too harsh. too demanding. too bright and loud. but it also isn't enough because I love and dislike too deeply, I care too much and the world is not enough to hold it all in. I feel too much of all the wrong things.
I DO NOT MAKE SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Saturday, April 17, 2004
Friday, April 16, 2004
today was my last day working at the childrens center. i will admit that i'm a little sad. as frustrating as those kids can be, there were beautiful moments. but i didnt get to say goodbye to hanna! goodbye kids, have good lives.
alone in my room, I wear a piratical black patch over my right eye. THe eye may look all right, but the truth is I have scaracely any sight in it. I say scarcely, it isn't totally blind. Consequently, when I look at this world with both eyes I see two worlds perfectly superimposed, a vague and shadowy world on top of one that's bright and vivid.
I need to get away.
alone in my room, I wear a piratical black patch over my right eye. THe eye may look all right, but the truth is I have scaracely any sight in it. I say scarcely, it isn't totally blind. Consequently, when I look at this world with both eyes I see two worlds perfectly superimposed, a vague and shadowy world on top of one that's bright and vivid.
I need to get away.
this life is so cool <-- that's my friend rachel's friend. i don't know who he is but i just read his blog and i am so jealous. that is what my life should be.
NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS super6 finals tonight!!
UCLA GYMNASTICS I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
NCAA CHAMPIONSHIPS super6 finals tonight!!
UCLA GYMNASTICS I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
today has been extremely long. i am currently helping sadaf fill out her tax forms--procrastinator that she is. we also donated blood today and sadaf had to lie about her weight. my arm started to be diseased afterwards but its gone now. im very tired. need sleep. i helped at the childrens center again today and i felt like wonder-baby-putter-to sleep-woman. I put to sleep 6 little rugrats!! muahahahaha--take that stupid blond girls. i laugh at you. ha ha ha. okay tired now. goodbye.
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
haven't talked to stace and sadie in years.. i hope you're doing well and i should contact you soon =]
today is a retarded day because i go to campus FOUR times. i think i spend more time walking than sleeping-- i mean SITTING-- in class. no really, i never sleep. everyone else in ling does tho hah. i got confused in intro to lit today because my teacher doesn't want us to be "symbol hunters" but how can you NOT be when young goodman brown's wife Faith has pink ribbons in her hair?? apparently we aren't supposed to ask WHAT something means but rather HOW the author approaches it. eh.
everything is fine, though, because i'm making myself busy and avoiding truths and inevitabilities (is that a word?) like: my lack of a career path, my shoddy social skills, my failed relationships, my blatant lack of originality and creativity, etc. i never realized- well, until now- how much more satisfying it is to take a class like philosophy rather than a class like comm. comm is a cop out. there is soo much more wisdom and knowledge in old stuff. i know it's important to be knowledgable on contemporary issues and problems but i think a big part of gaining that knowledge is studying classics and ancient writers. i guess what i'm trying to say is: plato, aristotle, hume, i miss you guys.
SO I AM CONFUSED ABOUT COLLEGE. college is bipolar (at least in terms of LEARNING... if you start including social stuff it just gets messy). but anyway- in terms of learning... #1: you're supposed to gain a general knowledge of the world... general education, you may call it. you should learn a little philosophy, a little science, history, etc. there is so much that we don't know and it isn't likely that we'll pick up bertrand russel unless we have to for a class. so that's all wonderful and great. but then #2: we're supposed to choose an expertise and pursue this so we are prepared for the "real world" and so we can get a job and feed our families. i am so confused by this. i mean, what can we really choose other than math, science, media, entertainment..? uhh. english history philosophy? we all know those don't offer many career possibilities. so we're in college both to learn and to gain skills that we can use later. but there is nothing i want to do that will ever get me anywhere. i understand that studying english for 4 years doesn't really prepare you to impact society, to contribute, etc.. unless you're really creative or inspired or want to work for a newspaper or mag (no). but at the same time.. i don't want to do comm. just because theres jobs in it. i guess a rational person would tell me that i should pursue a major with promising career options and at the same time take classes like history and philosophy so i can "get smart". but when i study comm i soo feel like i'm wasting my time. maybe i haven't given it a fair chance tho.
some people can waste time and they're okay with it. but i equate wasting time with wasting life and then i start feeling really crappy about myself.
uhh this post didnt make any sense
IF ONLY I COULD WIN THE LOTTERY
today is a retarded day because i go to campus FOUR times. i think i spend more time walking than sleeping-- i mean SITTING-- in class. no really, i never sleep. everyone else in ling does tho hah. i got confused in intro to lit today because my teacher doesn't want us to be "symbol hunters" but how can you NOT be when young goodman brown's wife Faith has pink ribbons in her hair?? apparently we aren't supposed to ask WHAT something means but rather HOW the author approaches it. eh.
everything is fine, though, because i'm making myself busy and avoiding truths and inevitabilities (is that a word?) like: my lack of a career path, my shoddy social skills, my failed relationships, my blatant lack of originality and creativity, etc. i never realized- well, until now- how much more satisfying it is to take a class like philosophy rather than a class like comm. comm is a cop out. there is soo much more wisdom and knowledge in old stuff. i know it's important to be knowledgable on contemporary issues and problems but i think a big part of gaining that knowledge is studying classics and ancient writers. i guess what i'm trying to say is: plato, aristotle, hume, i miss you guys.
SO I AM CONFUSED ABOUT COLLEGE. college is bipolar (at least in terms of LEARNING... if you start including social stuff it just gets messy). but anyway- in terms of learning... #1: you're supposed to gain a general knowledge of the world... general education, you may call it. you should learn a little philosophy, a little science, history, etc. there is so much that we don't know and it isn't likely that we'll pick up bertrand russel unless we have to for a class. so that's all wonderful and great. but then #2: we're supposed to choose an expertise and pursue this so we are prepared for the "real world" and so we can get a job and feed our families. i am so confused by this. i mean, what can we really choose other than math, science, media, entertainment..? uhh. english history philosophy? we all know those don't offer many career possibilities. so we're in college both to learn and to gain skills that we can use later. but there is nothing i want to do that will ever get me anywhere. i understand that studying english for 4 years doesn't really prepare you to impact society, to contribute, etc.. unless you're really creative or inspired or want to work for a newspaper or mag (no). but at the same time.. i don't want to do comm. just because theres jobs in it. i guess a rational person would tell me that i should pursue a major with promising career options and at the same time take classes like history and philosophy so i can "get smart". but when i study comm i soo feel like i'm wasting my time. maybe i haven't given it a fair chance tho.
some people can waste time and they're okay with it. but i equate wasting time with wasting life and then i start feeling really crappy about myself.
uhh this post didnt make any sense
IF ONLY I COULD WIN THE LOTTERY
