so yes, return of the king get better every time i see it. only this time i wanted to hurt the chick sitting one seat away from me. she was such a jerk!! she kept talking and talking and talking throughout the whole movie--and it was so annoying. she thought she was being all "quiet" but um, sorry no. AND she kept saying the stupidest things... "who's that?" "oh thats stupid" "shes cool!" "oh hes gonna die" blah blah if she would just keep her mouth shut for like 2 seconds, the answers to all her annoying questions would be answered in the next scene. I was going insane!! I kept picturing myself with a metal bat that I would just swing at her to make her shut up without me having to get up from my seat. I heard that some guy got knocked out while watching lord of the rings bc he was telling some other guy to be quiet---and I wondered if I could make a new headline. "girl gets slapped for talking during legolas' lines" teehee, if only.

I just finished watching figure skating nationals and michelle kwan is so cool. i see little girls come into work in the mornings after their practices (they have their little costume thingys on) and i wonder if any of them will become famous.

school on monday. im not ready. will someone please be me and finish college for me?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i missed phantom planet TODAY on SUNSET at 2.

and i even bought their cd last night.
DIE

i had a fun day for $2.50 bus fare. a trip to the getty, a pretty sunset, and a free ucla gymnastics meet. oh i cant believe jamie danszcher was barbs lab partner and barb never knew... i'd die.

im tired but check out my new albums... there's a link to my pics on the right.

i'm here. :-)

when will life be simple again?

prncskfrvr: hahaha drew said his spanish teacher looked like profe manly too

what an emotionally trying day. oh hey! for once i have good news. at gymnastics today i ran into my best-gymnastics-friend from... 5th grade! we went to cuyamaca ymca together. she goes to ucla and we haven't seen each other in 7+ years but we recognized each other and remembered one anothers names ! ! insane, no?

i love how the reincarnated-profe-manly always says "no?". --->"thinco no?"--->.... no! its CINCO. aiy-yaiy-yaiiiiiy.

oh and how i love thee, you hot shower.. yes, i stayed in for almost an hour. wow check out this rhyming power.
...and now i sleep.

is there anyone alive who didn't go snowboarding this break?

hey, if you're considering doing COMM. should you actually LIKE people? because today i sat quietly and didn't make any friends and on my first walk home i went a secret way and on my second i turned up john mayer to tune out humanity.

so before i stuffed my ears with john mayer i was walking and this girl behind me was saying "yeah, before, i would work my ass off until my grades were really high so it wouldn't matter if i failed the final. but i can't do that here because the final is like 50% of my grade".

I SAID THAT EXACT PHRASE LAST QUARTER. sometimes i wonder how truly "unique" each of us really is. . .

WAAAH I DON'T LIKE SCHOOL PLEASE SLAP ME PLEASE

does anyone else feel like public education has left them disillusioned? or maybe not just public education, but... movies, books, music- everything that is around us. the child abductions and murders you hear about on the news. the sexual abuse, domestic abuse, every kind of abuse you can imagine every night on loveline. the alcoholics and drug addicts. all of the porn that comes up online when you're trying to find a picture for a project you're doing. the wars, the disillusioned soldiers, the disillusioned soldiers treated like crap when they return. and the atrocities they commit when they're not here. and all of the dying. and racism, sexism, injustice. middle school kids treating each other cruely and then suicides and school shootings. japanese internment, the holocaust, every war that ever happened, nazis, lynchings. the red scare and witchhunts and unfair trials. poverty and people with too much money for their own good. illness. people not able to afford healthcare. sex, plastic surgery. lying presidents, dishonest government. incest and adultery and i swear there is more bad than good. i'm definitely thankful that i'm not being lied to at school and that i'm learning about all of this stuff, but at the same time... there is only so much you can take.

okay sorry for the really depressing post. so 2 classes down, 1 to go. i got tired somewhere between the bob dylan and the "grathias" or maybe even before the bob dylan. next stop: comm. i should be excited because this will be my MAJOR, babyyyyy. (if i get in, which won't happen unless i learn how to speak spanish so i don't fail). i gotta say, it's definitely hotter here than in sd. and thank goodness for secret back passages from campus to dorms so i can avoid people.

today:
comm
dinner
gymnastics
spanish

fri:
spanish
???

sat:
???

sun:
???

mon:
???

.. woooow, college is soo busy.

its only 10:30 and I'm ready to sleep forever. I am so exhausted...

Today I went to school to get my books--but ended up locking my keys in my bus WITH my cell phone inside. And I realized I should probably make a friend that lives on campus. I was stuck at school a billion miles away from my house. but thats just my luck. but I figure that Ill just use a pay phone or something...but I should just get my books.

Then for a reason thats too long and complicated to explain here, I didnt get my books. Well, I got one of them--but when I was in the bookstore I ran into the bane of my existence... dare I mention a name?? Hmm... starts with a "J" and ends in a " illo." Oh man, that was like climbing to the top of a mountain to get away from everyone annoying and finding him already there. Only I could not escape. I was stuck on that damn mountain. And pleeease, like I care about how stoned/drunk you or your friends were during new years. The only good thing about running into him was the ability to use his cell phone to call my sister but of course she never answers her phone.

Anyway, I flee from the bookstore as soon as he in distracted with my one book in hand. I then spend 65 cents calling my sister on a pay phone--which take about 20 minutes before she actually picks up. Having described my situation, I sit at some abandoned tables outside because ha ha, the place I told my sister to meet me is closed.

I have two options. I can read my Silmarillion book that I carry around with me everywhere (for reasons just like this) or this little itty-bitty book called "The Little Prince" that I got for my soc. class. I looks like a children's book and I wonder why I need it. But it looks cute so I sit and read while the table next to me squeals over a just arrived lady with her new baby. And some guy who likes to brag about how he gets things from our campus market discounted because he fixes their broken registers. wowww.

I have to say, I'm quite annoyed by this point. I'm wasting my day!! But I read my prince book. And I think I love this book and when the semester ends, I wont sell it back to the bookstore. This ones a keeper. I started to cry reading it but didnt want the serious man with a business suit sitting next to me to see. It's about this man and how he's a pilot but gets stranded in some desert but finds this little prince. The prince is from a different planet--a much smaller one. And he was the only person on that planet. Its all about the relationship between kids and adults--and how kids see things. And it makes the world so much simpler and beautiful. I don't ever want to grow up.

"O little prince! Gradually, this was how I came to understand your sad little life. For a long time your only entertainment was the pleasure of sunsets. I learned this new detail on the morning of the fourth day, when you told me:
"I really like sunsets. Let's go look at one now..."
"But we have to wait..."
"WHat for?"
"For the sun to set."
At first you seemed quite surprised, and then you laughed at youself. And you said to me, "I think I'm still at home!"
Indeed. When it's noon in the United States, the sun, as everyone knows, is setting over France. If you could fly to France in one minute, you could watch the sunset. Unfortunately France is much too far. BUt on your tiny planet, all you had to do was move your chair a few feet. And you would watch the twilight whenever you wanted to...
"One day I saw the sun set forty-four times!" And a litter later you added, "You know, when you're feeling very sad, sunsets are wonderful..."
"On the day of the forty-four times, were you feeling very sad?"
But the little prince didn't answer.

Anycrap, I when I finally got into my car I drove to home depot to meet my mom. We bought paint for my room. I wasn't planning to, but it just happened. And I've spent the last couple of hours painting my room.

Lawrence says it reminds him of flesh. thanks frodo.

everything in this world is too good to be true. example: sushi flavored snack mix. oh, and college being "the best years of your life". maybe i need to smile more and all the right people will come to me. oh well, at least my room key has an awesome bruin on it. fight fight fight!

anyway- it's great to be back with all of my favorite people. it's so much fun when we all eat in the dining hall together-- man, we take up like three tables. and the parties on thursdays and fridays.. i guess i'm just really lucky. i wonder if everyone is this lucky. there is no place i'd rather be. thank goodness i'm here for the next three years too. these really are the best years of my life.
(coughgollumgollumcough)


"just what i needed, some time to myself, where i am bothered by nobody else..." i need an Asteroid G.

packed at 115A.M. ... somewhere between the packing, the textbooks, and the R key i think i lost my mind.

real world san diego- how pathetic.

i think it's good that i'm going back to school. my own space, my own schedule, classes to focus on... i'm starting to suffocate. it will be nice to breathe the air of independence, because i don't really need you-- yes, you. please. i have a life, or i'll have one in a few days.

ohh back to LA i goooo .. see you kids in the summer or spring break if you're lucky.

(on your mark get set go this little boy is running right back home i guess it's nobody's fault now but my own)

O M G-- i am SUCH an idiot. i just paid 10$ for my books to come late to my dorm instead of just picking them up at ackerman for $4 tomorrow. how can i be so stupid.

day-o: i'm afraid i have the banana boat song stuck in my head. i wish i were katherine watson... or mary molliter... or just anyone with an interesting story to tell. so i guess i'm supposed to go out and live an interesting life. that way i'll have my own interesting stories to tell. i'll know many things and many people and i can spread my wisdom to everyone i meet. but i can totally see my future... college, work, grad school, work, marriage, kids, work, vacations, work, retirement... oh my g o d i do NOT want that to be my life. but i amn't spontaneous enough or independent enough or alive enough to change the course of my planned out pre determined pathetic existence. oh how many times have i written about this? someone needs to buy me a one-way plane ticket to anywhere but here.

from november :

i'll try my best to forget five weeks, months, and years ago when parting was such sweet sorrow. sweet or bitter it's impossible to say. but don't worry about any of it. we'll start fresh with all of the awkwardness of the silence between strangers. and it will be bad for a while, or maybe forever, but it's better than blankness. or maybe you will laugh and in your eyes i will see the you you were before the you you are. and you know, the silence really isn't so awkward. maybe it doesn't exist because you have so much to say and i have so much to hear. and any silence is only long enough for us to breath and resume talking. so it's all scary and awkward, but don't wory. it'll be interesting to see who gained weight and who lost it. it's not my fault- i got hungry. well you can't be that different anyway.

i mean, what changes? haircuts; clothes; weight. i have yet to see someone's eyes change. or the curves of their lips or the crinkle of their nose. or the softness of their fingers as they interlace their own with mine... time is but a word that measures change, but your touch feels the same and it is yesterday forever.

am i half crazy or only all-crazy?

i grew my nails out for the first time in my life, and in one second they are gone... i just can't help myself. quite a scrumptious meal.

please tell me something to be passionate about. i just can't decide and passion makes the world go round the world go round the world go round.

cut.

i haven't written in a while, and i haven't REALLY written in an even longer while..

i think going back to school will be a good thing. lately i've been wasting away the days and that makes me feel really crappy.. wasting time = wasting life, and i only get one. at least at school i'll be studying. the sun just set again.. for the 20th time.. i usually only see a few hours of blue sky and the sun sets again. late to bed and late to rise is the way to be fat, depressed, and stupid... and that is me. but i think i deserve a little depression time... just not this much. moping around sucks. people really do perpetuate their own depression--not that i'm depressed, just feeling a little blue and half empty, i guess.

i've gotta say the break wasn't bad. and neither was 2003. i guess i'll follow michelle's footsteps with a little blurb.. in 2003 i realized just how much the administration of everything-- school, heck- the government-- really sucks. i experienced first hand how truly selfish some people are and how unfortunate it is that some people in power are so stupid. i stood up for myself, and even though it didn't get me anywhere.. at least i did it. so i guess that was a baby step toward independence... and i really have become more independent over the last year. i started doing more on my own... got into a little bit of drawing, photography. i really got into writing and read a lot of good books- especially in the summer when i was surrounded by them. oh, i got my first job and learned to put up with mean bosses and met nice coworkers. i built up a lot of friendships, and while some grew others faded. and i made a decision about college... but it wasn't much of a decision because it was almost a given for me. i met someone who made me really happy, and then i got hurt, and then it got better. and i said real goodbyes for the first time. went to prom.. (notice the total loss of chronological order). realized my potential on a national level. graduated. finally got a sbtb-type group of friends... although that didn't last long. found a way to balance all my friendships. saw that crumble and had a difficult month in the summer. i went to hawaii and went snorkeling and surfing. and i moved. then i learned how to live with two other people, which really wasn't such a big deal. met new people, took college classes, wrote letters. . played in a band for the first time and returned to gymnastics and then quit again. survived my first quarter. i took two buses to a train and back and walked up 1 million steps and even went to a democrats meeting. and i think i've really learned stuff, and even did will on my first real college paper and finals. i conquered philosophy, which i thought was going to slowly kill me. i realized the beauty of friendships that don't change.. and what happens when you decide to simply go with how you feel. i realized for the hundredth time that there is NOTHING more beautiful and amazing than nature. i snowboarded and actually liked it.. and in one week saw more beautiful views than any other time in my life. i didn't figure out what major to declare. or what job to have. or how to live for something bigger than myself. but i experienced how far patience could take me, how much i need to change about myself; and i'm five times more insecure than i ever thought... but i don't always have to be happy. and the chance of getting hurt is worth it. i'm okay with being two places at once. i have two homes and i'm starting to learn who i am. wow, that is one crazy year.

time to once again pack my life up into suitcases... i'm getting used to it.

don't worry; be happy. :-)