whatever. you guys aren't losers... all i think about is school during school, and school during work and school during sleep.
sonya please don't be sad. I know its probably so lonely right now but it HAS to get better...because I want it to get better for you. I will will it to get better:)
stalking, boring? NEVER!!!! muhahahahahhaha!!!
Friday, September 19, 2003
please don't say i'm a loser b/c its my first night and im online already.. i am so freakin tired and honestly, blogging is my stress reliever. these are my first few minutes alone... and god, i need them so bad. my mom and i left the house at 4:30am. we got here early so we went to this bagel place. then moving in began.... unpacking took a while but i think the room looks really good. it's almost cozy. then my mom and i went to this museum to see the modigliani exhibit which was beautiful. we had lunch, went to a few stores, walked around ucla, had dinner ... i feel so lonely. when i finally said bye to her a few min ago in the parking structure i started crying so badly but i made myself stop bc ppl would see me and i dont want anyones pity. i guess the reality is hitting me. i just feel like i should be more excited. i know everything will get better tho. im gonna go watch the john dvd lat-ahz. oh, and im out of cell phone min so i cant check voicemail or call anyone before 9pm. except tomorrow bc its a weekend.
I am a stalker. It's so sad. I mean really, I'm so freaking scared to like leave my whole "fake" world...people scare me. Scratch that...I let people scare me. Grrr grr grr I want to eat my own arm.
Sonya is probably wondering why I left her another random voice mail about being a stalker...but yes, I was stalking chris again. You know what though? He's NOT a lover---at least not in the same sense as brandon or matt or doug;) But I dunno, I want him to be my friend? Or maybe I want to know that I can MAKE friends? Well anyway, I walked into the library but since it's HUGE I thought I lost him and figured I might as well get some homework stuff done. I set my stuff down and walk the stacks, not finding anything I need. I decide to get back to my stuff to work on my paper. I spin on my heel and BAM I see him sitting at the computer work stations. I hurridly walk back to my stuff which is surprisingly right next to the stations--but on the other side, so I can see him but he cant see me:D I take out a piece of paper. I would have said something except it was a library and he had headphones on. So then I try to work a little bit on my paper but instead I scribble "Be Brave" a MILLION and 3 times in sloppy black ink. I'm the biggest loser ever.
Finally I get the guts to sit at the empty station directly across from him. Only to big ass monitors separating. I can hear the click of his keyboard and mouse. But I'm honestly doing some research... I'm so engrossed in it that I don't even hear him pack up his things. Of course, I see him stand up, buf OF COURSE, my first reaction is to pretend I don't notice. I swear to other people, I might as well be a man because it would seem that I'm oblivious to EVERYTHING!! Through my peripheral vision I see him do a sorta double take because he finally realizes that I've been sitting opposite him the entire time...but continues on the way out.
I feel dejected. I feel like amelie as she turns into a puddle of water on the floor of the two windmills. WHHHHHHHHHyyy am I so freaking stupid?! Lemme just say, for the record: Chris is NOT a lover.
I pack my things up and go eat lunch.
However, after finally leaving school, Lotous and I got a ride home from Carl--a greek surfing man. We visited his mom who works at the optometry place and she spoke greek!!! :D I kept thinking...aww I want a Kostos!! But then I got this cool eye exam thingy and yesss...I'm go going blind afterall!!!! 20/20 :D Weeeeeeeee!!!
And that it all.
Sonya is probably wondering why I left her another random voice mail about being a stalker...but yes, I was stalking chris again. You know what though? He's NOT a lover---at least not in the same sense as brandon or matt or doug;) But I dunno, I want him to be my friend? Or maybe I want to know that I can MAKE friends? Well anyway, I walked into the library but since it's HUGE I thought I lost him and figured I might as well get some homework stuff done. I set my stuff down and walk the stacks, not finding anything I need. I decide to get back to my stuff to work on my paper. I spin on my heel and BAM I see him sitting at the computer work stations. I hurridly walk back to my stuff which is surprisingly right next to the stations--but on the other side, so I can see him but he cant see me:D I take out a piece of paper. I would have said something except it was a library and he had headphones on. So then I try to work a little bit on my paper but instead I scribble "Be Brave" a MILLION and 3 times in sloppy black ink. I'm the biggest loser ever.
Finally I get the guts to sit at the empty station directly across from him. Only to big ass monitors separating. I can hear the click of his keyboard and mouse. But I'm honestly doing some research... I'm so engrossed in it that I don't even hear him pack up his things. Of course, I see him stand up, buf OF COURSE, my first reaction is to pretend I don't notice. I swear to other people, I might as well be a man because it would seem that I'm oblivious to EVERYTHING!! Through my peripheral vision I see him do a sorta double take because he finally realizes that I've been sitting opposite him the entire time...but continues on the way out.
I feel dejected. I feel like amelie as she turns into a puddle of water on the floor of the two windmills. WHHHHHHHHHyyy am I so freaking stupid?! Lemme just say, for the record: Chris is NOT a lover.
I pack my things up and go eat lunch.
However, after finally leaving school, Lotous and I got a ride home from Carl--a greek surfing man. We visited his mom who works at the optometry place and she spoke greek!!! :D I kept thinking...aww I want a Kostos!! But then I got this cool eye exam thingy and yesss...I'm go going blind afterall!!!! 20/20 :D Weeeeeeeee!!!
And that it all.
Thursday, September 18, 2003
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
so last night i packed almost everything. just as a record for me: wash last dirty clothes and pack, go to work to sign paper (ugh), pick up contacts and glasses, pack cable, pack utensils, pack CDs, buy stamps, buy medicine, pack ucla papers, buy snacks.... not that much left.
and today... i went to the beach early w/ barb karen and jen. i freakin love the beach. I LOVE IT. anyway. then i drove to the hospital off of friars only to have them tell me they dont have the meningitis shot. okay losers, how about telling me that when i called in the morning? so then i had to drive to la mesa kaiser to get it... then i spent some quality time wth my grandparents. they stuffed me with food and i had to refuse their monetary gift because they're not too well off. my grandpa got all excited when he found out i was a democrat. he made me tell him my political opinions in russian. then he showed me his 2nd place table tennis trophy. after that i stopped by my old gym... the one i hadn't visited in 5 years. i saw 2 coaches who looked familiar and found my picture on the wall in a team portrait. that was the weirdest experience... everything looked exactly how i remembered it, except way smaller. then i drove home on the (much to my surprise) traffic-free 15N.
now bike riding and probly costco... and tomorrow i guess i'm stopping by WORK to sign some paper. ooookay.
TOMORROW. SURFING WITH SHERRY. i will have the best last-san-diego-day possible (except for the going to work thing).
LAT AHZ
and today... i went to the beach early w/ barb karen and jen. i freakin love the beach. I LOVE IT. anyway. then i drove to the hospital off of friars only to have them tell me they dont have the meningitis shot. okay losers, how about telling me that when i called in the morning? so then i had to drive to la mesa kaiser to get it... then i spent some quality time wth my grandparents. they stuffed me with food and i had to refuse their monetary gift because they're not too well off. my grandpa got all excited when he found out i was a democrat. he made me tell him my political opinions in russian. then he showed me his 2nd place table tennis trophy. after that i stopped by my old gym... the one i hadn't visited in 5 years. i saw 2 coaches who looked familiar and found my picture on the wall in a team portrait. that was the weirdest experience... everything looked exactly how i remembered it, except way smaller. then i drove home on the (much to my surprise) traffic-free 15N.
now bike riding and probly costco... and tomorrow i guess i'm stopping by WORK to sign some paper. ooookay.
TOMORROW. SURFING WITH SHERRY. i will have the best last-san-diego-day possible (except for the going to work thing).
LAT AHZ
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I…
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive
Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say
How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I…
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart
Monday, September 15, 2003
STACY MAGDALUYO--- i love you. yes, i want the whole internet world to know. stace, please know how much i mean that bc i reserve those 3 words for the people who i feel really, truly know me. i love you unconditionally and never doubt yourself at stanford, bc it is the place for you. you will be amazing. FB will always love you.
wowow i have so much to say that i have nothing to say... another sleepless night. actually it's only 12 so there is still hope. i just got back from la casa de stacy after a surprise visit.. wow.. how overwhelming it all is. i think i'll wake up bright and early tomorrow morning (or maybe i just won't sleep?) and start packing. orgkorkgogkoop i wish i had a magic wand.
so today i went surfing with sherray, where i saw the infamous yellow kayak man. it was a little messy but i found many waves that suited me. i also got murdered and when i came up, these old people were staring at me in awe. i turned around and got right back in, just for them. a semi-lover lost his board and i tried to get it but instead i made our boards knock together. his board started floating away so i thought, ah screw it, and i started paddling. i stopped and turned around and he was looking at me with his big smile on his face b/c he knew what a loser i was. i was like: hey, i tried... im sorry, and he said: nah, it's okay.. i'm getting out anyway. and later he walked by as i was telling the story to sherry. and that, ladies and gentlemen, would make me a double loser.
i have a long christmas list this year: digital camera, nice watch, bend it like beckham and soundtrack, amelie... but you know what i'm getting? nothing. a college education. a college education i could get for a-buck-fifty in late charges at the public library-- whoaaa, i have an urge to watch good will hunting.
the other day-- during my verylastflutelessonever :( -- my flute teacher said i looked refreshed. you know why??? i have been doing absolutely nothing for the past 3 months!!!!!!! the longest summer of my life. and it is o v e r. i dont think im buying a robe.. i just dont like them.
so today i went surfing with sherray, where i saw the infamous yellow kayak man. it was a little messy but i found many waves that suited me. i also got murdered and when i came up, these old people were staring at me in awe. i turned around and got right back in, just for them. a semi-lover lost his board and i tried to get it but instead i made our boards knock together. his board started floating away so i thought, ah screw it, and i started paddling. i stopped and turned around and he was looking at me with his big smile on his face b/c he knew what a loser i was. i was like: hey, i tried... im sorry, and he said: nah, it's okay.. i'm getting out anyway. and later he walked by as i was telling the story to sherry. and that, ladies and gentlemen, would make me a double loser.
i have a long christmas list this year: digital camera, nice watch, bend it like beckham and soundtrack, amelie... but you know what i'm getting? nothing. a college education. a college education i could get for a-buck-fifty in late charges at the public library-- whoaaa, i have an urge to watch good will hunting.
the other day-- during my verylastflutelessonever :( -- my flute teacher said i looked refreshed. you know why??? i have been doing absolutely nothing for the past 3 months!!!!!!! the longest summer of my life. and it is o v e r. i dont think im buying a robe.. i just dont like them.
Sunday, September 14, 2003
Get a robe. that's all I can say.
Um, just a question--what about the frosh baby diary??
I just feel horrible because I am brain dead and can't think of ANYHTING clever or creative to get stacy or sonya. Sadaf I'm holding out on you because, well, I'll still see you and I have time :) But THERES NO TIME. AHHHHH... and I think I'm getting sick. And I don't want to work at a job that should pay their employees more because they DO so much more than they should---like cleaning up after little kid's poop.
Um, just a question--what about the frosh baby diary??
I just feel horrible because I am brain dead and can't think of ANYHTING clever or creative to get stacy or sonya. Sadaf I'm holding out on you because, well, I'll still see you and I have time :) But THERES NO TIME. AHHHHH... and I think I'm getting sick. And I don't want to work at a job that should pay their employees more because they DO so much more than they should---like cleaning up after little kid's poop.
