i am so tired
i have no energy

if i go to sleep it will be tomorrow and i will have to go to work

i miss this

the death begins now.

I know you I've  walked with you once upon a dream
I know you the gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
And I know it's true that visions are seldom all they seem
But if I know you I know what you'll do
You'll love me at once
The way you did once upon a dream

I am skipping on cloud nine. Hellooo world!!! I am excited for the future:)

Last night I got called "grandma" but it didn't matter because I got to eat fish on the beach and it was beautiful and only once did I wish for a lover.

Tomorrow I have work after about 5 days off. yayyy storytime! Last week no one showed up and it sorta made me sad.

What do I feel like doing? It's early and the world is at my feet, oh yes Seldon

what the hell. blogging after 10pm should be illegal.

standing at the edge of existence (wet feet) talking about existence and how it came to be and what if it ends or you end; standing in this big important place talking about "big" "important" things, but "look at the stars, don't they remind you of just how feeble we are?"- well they used to... i guess. and then they fall, scattered around your feet, jumping from ankles to knees like little bugs that cant make up their minds. the fireflies of the west coast, maybe... tiny bacterial microorganisms but lets just pretend its pixie dust and we are making magic. and everything is scary but also kind of comforting (darkness is unnerving) so is the sky dangerous or is it familiar? everything looks new but it's really all the same or is it? how different a place seems when the sun trades places with the moon. and how is it that you can feel so big and so small all at the same time...but more small, i think.

its the horizontal vastness that makes you feel like a miniscule silver speck but it's not that you feel insignificant, only humbled.

i have many thoughts on nature, none of which i can put into words, but i think that's almost a good thing (it's like trying to paint nature. the prettiest sunsets and landscapes make the ugliest paintings. do you hear that kincaid and friends?? don't freaking try to paint nature!!... maybe same with writing. you just cant do it and you maybe aren't supposed to).

nature humbles me. it freaks me out. it makes me feel smaller than my body and bigger than my body (johnnay!) and seperate from my body all at the same time. and its always different and always the same and i think we are nature. you can call it God, whatever, to me it's all nature. forests, flowers, animals, grass, bugs that are annoying, ocean, salt, rocks, clouds, rain, snow, rainbows, every kind of weather and piece of dirt and sand... it's all us to me. i know that doesn't make sense. it's that collective oversoul thing... everyone who lives and dies becomes a part of it all and that's why we feel so humbled. we're not insignificant... every individual is important but still each person is only a tiny part of all of it.. science, nature, history, art, everything.

when i think of it this way (and it only makes sense in my head for moments at a time on random nights), i'm not scared to die because i know i won't disappear. i'll just dissolve into a speck that someone will find in the sky or in the sand or water.. a speck that will humble people and make them stop for a moment and think about something or someone or themselves (like i did tonight). and that makes me really happy.

<3 sonya

i'm trying out new photoblogging! here's a picture i took of the sunrise over bryce canyon

btw, you don't care (unless you went to the concert) but on john mayer's site there is a road journal with an entry about the san diego show. the entry is weak.... but at least it's there.

that's what "i am invincible" means
       by the way, at night the sand sparkles like fairy dust
       (it's like the sky is on the ground)
      
 
tonight saltwater tastes sweet

i'll reach out my hand to you, i'll have faith in all you do

if you should ever find someone new, i know he better be good to you

so i drove on the 56 today! ! after about two years of waaaiting, i can get to the beach in... 15 minutes total. and i even got a parking spot today. how perfect.
 
i dislike: pool vacuum cleaners and fans that i have to put together. i hate technology, and also i hate los angeles (but that's random).
 
i do like this unicorn pinata sitting on my desk.
 
it's freaking hot!!!! i need to put this fan together, clean my room, clean the downstairs, and then go back to being my sister's chauffer.

(stacy, i have your smile and girls kick ass! stickers)
 
anyhoo, last night i got to see maroon5 and my lover, john mayer (who i hear a lot of crap about but i love anyway.) it was a really really good show... although maroon5 didn't seem too happy to be there. but johnnay did. and he was really into his guitar... in fact, his shirt said, in big white letters, GUITAR. he went off on a lot of riffs and solos and duos (duets? haha), which were awesome. he really is good, you john mayer haters. and he does have big puffy lips but that doesn't make him a pervert... everyone thinks/talks/writes about sex.
 
did you know this font is called 'Georgia'? Why, Georgia, why?
 
Okay, a quick/extensive run-down:

• Johnnay opens with No Such Thing, oh how appropriate
• his set is nice.. first we think it's weird because it's three panels with trees on them but it looks all cool when it's all lit up
• then he goes into Heavier Things
• then Why Georgia
• and the set lights up with thousands of tiny little stars when he sings Come Back to Bed
• My Stupid Mouth
• and a really long guitar "bibliography" where he plays hendrix, clapton, etc.
• then he goes into City Love and instead of saying "she keeps a toothbrush at my place (as if i have the extra space)", he says "she keeps a tampon at my place", so we all enjoyed that... but later he rants for a long time about how CL slows things down and he shouldn't sing it anymore because people will leave
• Back To You- "and doesn't it piss you off? your will's not as strong as you told your friends it would be" o how true
• Bigger Than My Body
• a cover of a song, which i'm still confused about. because he would sing "you better call..." and it totally sounded like "you better call tyrone" (erykah badu) but he would not say tyrone, he would say something else. and in the beginning he said the song is erykah badu and eric clapton's baby... so???
• then he plays a little guitar with this other guitarist... who comes up behind him and uses his hands to play john's guitar so it looks like john (who is white) is part black (because the man is black). anyway, you need to see pictures to understand that.
• Your Body is a Wonderland
• Clarity (ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh)
• here i sneak up to the row above the floor..meepmeep! aaand johnnay comes out for his encore performance: Daughters
• a solo of 3x5, which I was waiting for alllll night
• Comfortable- "She swears that she's artsy, but you could distinguish me from Jack Johnson"

<3

 

hillary faye is here name.
 
oh and random but: do you all know who ted nugent is?

i think i'm in the best mood i've been in in a long time. last night i was writing in my journal and i found myself writing all happy things... which is um.. abnormal for me? i had nothing bad or sad to write! how cool! yeah, summer is great
 
work situation: i've been substituting at the university city library, which has been a lot of fun (really!). lots of interesting things happen... like people with mental disorders start screaming and a guy tries to tip me for helping him on the computer. and i get to work the circulation desk!! (that would never happen at RB). and i just got a permanent schedule wooohoo.. tuesday 1:30-5:30 and thursdays 9:30-1:30, when i get to do storytime with the kiddies =D and i have this interview on thursday... which will suck because i have been known to be interviewed and then forgotten or rejected. haha but whatever happens happens (a dumb phrase)
 
i've really enjoyed the past few weeks. working makes me happy because i am being productive, i am making money, and i am enjoying my free time more. i think i went to torrey pines almost every day. apart from the $6 fee (which i have not and will not EVER pay), torrey pines is, as matt says, > everything else. =D
 
last night we went to tgi's, downtown (to stroll  down the 2 streets of the gaslamp), and back to michelle's. that was really fun.
 
i feel so.... at peace? and tonight i am seeing maroon 5 and john mayer. could i ask for more? i don't even need a lover! eojkopwjrpoewtjgpes !! i hope everyone has a nice day

Now we have met, we have look'd, we are safe,
Return to peace to the ocean, my love,
I too am part of that ocean, my love, we are not so much separated,
Behold the great rondure, the cohesion of it all, how perfect!
But as for me, for you, the irresistible sea is to separate us,
As for an hour, carrying us diverse, yet cannot carry us diverse
forever;
Be not impatient- a little space- know you I salute the air, the
ocean and the land,
Every day at sundown for your dear sake my love.
 
-a selection from Walt Whitman
 
how pretty