to infinity and beyond!

today I decided to drop comparative literature like a bad habit. I was laboring under a misaprehension and now with french in my schedule, I must say adios to comp lit as both a major and minor.

oddly enough, I don't feel sad or depressed by it. I acutally feel lighter and happy because I suppose I was looking at it as a burdern rather than something worthwhile and exciting. this, of course, doesn't bode well for grad school. but then I always had my doubts about my desire for it.

this DOES mean that I'm graduating on time afterall!! so happy days for me. however, it brings a whole different perspective on the school year because it is my LAST. not five hours ago, graduation was, to me, still two years away. and now its barely eight months. EIGHT MONTHS! so little time, my friends. now I get to look at these eight months with the new eyes as someone getting ready to leave. once again, everything is my LAST something...last time I'll be here, last time I'll see this person etc. and speaking in very broad terms, it all just seems like it holds more meaning. connections are more important, experiences are heavier, everything is infused with finality. but perhaps not just yet.

The person I was entering sdsu and the person I am now are so apart. Not that I've figured anything out about what I'm doing with my life. I only mean that I figured out a lot of different things about myself over the years. I learned how to discipline myself and get serious about school. I learned that all the things I thought I wanted for myself were NOT what I really wanted. I found out that I could really learn something and love it. I learned that it was okay to do something different; something that maybe not everyone could understand or appreciate. and that made me like all the fabulous people who did.

I learned that everyone has their own talents. I was properly humbled. I pushed myself to my limits and learned what being stretched too thin really meant. I learned how to LOVE my independence and especially my silences. I encountered the greatest minds and have been awed by their depth of understanding. I learned how to 'unlock' secrets of a dead language, and fell in lover with a professor.

all this, and my time here is not yet done.

and looking towards graduation is extremely exciting. AFTER graduation is ever better. theres a feeling of freedom and possibility that I just cant wrap my head around...its beyond my realm of comprehension. but man, I FEEL INFINITE. and I havent been able to say that in quite a while.