wow stacy, im glad you found your bike! lucky girl :)
I am in love with the koolaid idea! we should PLAY more. until its time for dinner and we're exhausted but its okay because the day was well spent and every minute was worth it.
Saturday, April 03, 2004
stacy im so sorry someone stole your bike. people are jerks.
i spent my day @ barnes & noble but didn't get a lot of actual homework done. I did, however, spend 2 hours reading this batman novel which was pretty interesting. Anton Palma found me in the cafe and I felt what it was like to have someone remember me. After, some man walked in and asked me if I spoke tagalog...I had to hang my head in shame. I watched him as he wandered around the bookstore asking random people the same question and wondered why there was such a shortage of tagalog speakers.
yesterday sadie and I went to mchs to print pictures--i must admit that it was pretty cool to see something appear on a piece of paper. it was like magic. i'm terribly excited :)
i think my email isnt working because i keep checking it every 2 hours to see if i got anything regarding my internships. nothing, so i figure i'll be spending summer here at home.
i spent my day @ barnes & noble but didn't get a lot of actual homework done. I did, however, spend 2 hours reading this batman novel which was pretty interesting. Anton Palma found me in the cafe and I felt what it was like to have someone remember me. After, some man walked in and asked me if I spoke tagalog...I had to hang my head in shame. I watched him as he wandered around the bookstore asking random people the same question and wondered why there was such a shortage of tagalog speakers.
yesterday sadie and I went to mchs to print pictures--i must admit that it was pretty cool to see something appear on a piece of paper. it was like magic. i'm terribly excited :)
i think my email isnt working because i keep checking it every 2 hours to see if i got anything regarding my internships. nothing, so i figure i'll be spending summer here at home.
Friday, April 02, 2004
la jolla shores. frisbee, lakeside guys. mt soledad. mission beach for the bathroom.
5. traffic. traffic. 56. home.
sitting at chipotle, coin game. chicken sandwich and bottomless tangy.
nothing. bath. nothing. nothing.
killing time, worrying, time goes by too fast and too slow, sick of you miss you, where are you, how are you, im fine i think but you didnt ask. try to talk to you and you but just talk about me and on and on and on on on on no more, and I AM SO TIRED OF MYSELF. I WANT TO WAKE UP SOMEONE ELSE. with someone else? there's no one else. here. i hate silent tension. i pretend for them and for everyone, why should i have to but i guess i dont. have to. but who else will... someone has to.
anyway, the point is that something has to change. or everything has to change. um i have to change because "things don't change, people do".
NO ONE NEEDS A HOBBY AS BADLY AS I NEED ONE NOW.
5. traffic. traffic. 56. home.
sitting at chipotle, coin game. chicken sandwich and bottomless tangy.
nothing. bath. nothing. nothing.
killing time, worrying, time goes by too fast and too slow, sick of you miss you, where are you, how are you, im fine i think but you didnt ask. try to talk to you and you but just talk about me and on and on and on on on on no more, and I AM SO TIRED OF MYSELF. I WANT TO WAKE UP SOMEONE ELSE. with someone else? there's no one else. here. i hate silent tension. i pretend for them and for everyone, why should i have to but i guess i dont. have to. but who else will... someone has to.
anyway, the point is that something has to change. or everything has to change. um i have to change because "things don't change, people do".
NO ONE NEEDS A HOBBY AS BADLY AS I NEED ONE NOW.
Thursday, April 01, 2004
yay congrats to your cousin and your family. babies are the best.
OH! today at price club i ran into marc reyes (good kid, goodkid!) and he was so nice to me. and afterwards i said "michelle, guess who i ran into?" and she guessed it on her first try... i think she is psychic. or psycho maybe. we reminisced on the STOP SMILING days and agreed that we hope marc gets a really really good wife.
i hope all good guys get really good wives.
today was weird. spring break is going downhill... and it is now pouring. which could be good but um, it's not. on the positive side: i went for a walk around the neighborhood with my grandma. it was nice to go slow (literally) and look at flowers and everything. it was beautiful. and tomorrow seems promising too.. i hope it's not a bust like the past few days.
erm... i've been extra emotional lately. as in, starting to cry out of no where. it's just that everything is reminding me of everything and you. sooo that has got to stop and hopefully it will soon. feels like the weather is mocking me. weather is fickle, much like women, yes?
time to read more of "zen in the art of writing" and perhaps SLEEEEEEEEEP.
OH! today at price club i ran into marc reyes (good kid, goodkid!) and he was so nice to me. and afterwards i said "michelle, guess who i ran into?" and she guessed it on her first try... i think she is psychic. or psycho maybe. we reminisced on the STOP SMILING days and agreed that we hope marc gets a really really good wife.
i hope all good guys get really good wives.
today was weird. spring break is going downhill... and it is now pouring. which could be good but um, it's not. on the positive side: i went for a walk around the neighborhood with my grandma. it was nice to go slow (literally) and look at flowers and everything. it was beautiful. and tomorrow seems promising too.. i hope it's not a bust like the past few days.
erm... i've been extra emotional lately. as in, starting to cry out of no where. it's just that everything is reminding me of everything and you. sooo that has got to stop and hopefully it will soon. feels like the weather is mocking me. weather is fickle, much like women, yes?
time to read more of "zen in the art of writing" and perhaps SLEEEEEEEEEP.
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
definitely entertaining enough for those of us who understand it. thanks for that, shell.--- was that from a thing written at closing of frosh year?
man, i am really restless. i mean... i am just thinking about stuff i shouldn't be thinking about and am biting my nails while i'm doing it. really must stop biting nails. but can't. oh man oh man oh man. why am i always so restless. can't do one thing for more than a few minutes... just keep thinking about it. need to find distraction. really must soon or will wind up in house of lunatics. i need a creative outlet.
i want to spend entire tomorrow at beach. entire tomorrow and day after that after that after that and every day until the last day of my life, and maybe even past that.
the weight of solitude: a pound for every word you whispered to me that will soon belong to someone else. while the soft flutter of a cool spring breeze magnified by the ceiling fan, spinning out of control takes my hair in its hand and pulls... and i'm falling face first into the ocean, the water's force sucking me down down. mouthful of sand: a grain for every kiss and a kiss for every tear. a million grains for all the pain and i count them one by one. just sitting on the black cement picking the grains apart and a solitary daisy decapitated on the concrete. a dandelion stain means love but my chin is bare because the polin stain belongs to someone else, not me. slumped over, shoulders weighed down by the emptiness that measured so little before and weighs so so much after. dozens and hundreds of stomach butterflies- florescent jewels- released, soon swallowed by the unexpecting. to cause countless sleepless nights and moments treasured and rubies, emeralds, but for me: just a silhouette and a bittersweet promise of another day.
man, i am really restless. i mean... i am just thinking about stuff i shouldn't be thinking about and am biting my nails while i'm doing it. really must stop biting nails. but can't. oh man oh man oh man. why am i always so restless. can't do one thing for more than a few minutes... just keep thinking about it. need to find distraction. really must soon or will wind up in house of lunatics. i need a creative outlet.
i want to spend entire tomorrow at beach. entire tomorrow and day after that after that after that and every day until the last day of my life, and maybe even past that.
the weight of solitude: a pound for every word you whispered to me that will soon belong to someone else. while the soft flutter of a cool spring breeze magnified by the ceiling fan, spinning out of control takes my hair in its hand and pulls... and i'm falling face first into the ocean, the water's force sucking me down down. mouthful of sand: a grain for every kiss and a kiss for every tear. a million grains for all the pain and i count them one by one. just sitting on the black cement picking the grains apart and a solitary daisy decapitated on the concrete. a dandelion stain means love but my chin is bare because the polin stain belongs to someone else, not me. slumped over, shoulders weighed down by the emptiness that measured so little before and weighs so so much after. dozens and hundreds of stomach butterflies- florescent jewels- released, soon swallowed by the unexpecting. to cause countless sleepless nights and moments treasured and rubies, emeralds, but for me: just a silhouette and a bittersweet promise of another day.
so i just found this and thought it was entertaining enough to post:
"yeas, Jail Breakers, Angel girl, timber-fowler, frosh babies, freddy fowler freaks or fans, "ay", pink peach, rewind button, hay now, farm animals at hot dog on a stick, butterflies and bananas, kids inc., carlsbad retreat, 'moooo' says moses, artificial acquantance boogers suck, n*sync...no! *nsync!, ugh baby stace ugh, butter! hope of hopes, me-shell my bell, sonya bonya, 6:32:29, this i promise you, don't say you love me, etc."
"yeas, Jail Breakers, Angel girl, timber-fowler, frosh babies, freddy fowler freaks or fans, "ay", pink peach, rewind button, hay now, farm animals at hot dog on a stick, butterflies and bananas, kids inc., carlsbad retreat, 'moooo' says moses, artificial acquantance boogers suck, n*sync...no! *nsync!, ugh baby stace ugh, butter! hope of hopes, me-shell my bell, sonya bonya, 6:32:29, this i promise you, don't say you love me, etc."
Monday, March 29, 2004
i only skimmed your surface and there is so much more to know.
the gentle flutter of a spring breeze against your sleeve
a ruby colored ladybuy inches up an emerald blade
and you lose feeling as the water numbs your feet and the sun bakes the rest
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh i want to bottle it up
i want to bottle you up bottle us up
and drink until i dont know where im going anymore
the gentle flutter of a spring breeze against your sleeve
a ruby colored ladybuy inches up an emerald blade
and you lose feeling as the water numbs your feet and the sun bakes the rest
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh i want to bottle it up
i want to bottle you up bottle us up
and drink until i dont know where im going anymore
another beautiful spring break day.
got to take a two second dip in the pool, play ping pong with mom, drive down 163 (best freeway ever) blasting oldies... went shopping with monica and bought jeans finally. got stuck in 15N traffic, but oh it wasn't so bad... it's fine once in a while, just not every day. talked monica through getting away from a creepy guy following her in his car. hope she's fine. took nap.
drove to santee.. down familiar streets, past familiar places- to the ymca's new facility. met rachel and joined the adult gymnastics class for an hour and a half. wanted to get $9 worth so did things i vowed i wouldn't do: handstand and cartwheel on beam, front hip circle and jump onto low bar, back extension roll. plus add a few front tucks that i can almost land. it was nice to see the same trophies, the same equipment (minus the vaults), some of the same people.. just a great, relaxing atmosphere. and now my body is old and tired and it is begging me to rest.
i feel like looking at the stars. with a cup of hot cocoa or tea. and with you.
got to take a two second dip in the pool, play ping pong with mom, drive down 163 (best freeway ever) blasting oldies... went shopping with monica and bought jeans finally. got stuck in 15N traffic, but oh it wasn't so bad... it's fine once in a while, just not every day. talked monica through getting away from a creepy guy following her in his car. hope she's fine. took nap.
drove to santee.. down familiar streets, past familiar places- to the ymca's new facility. met rachel and joined the adult gymnastics class for an hour and a half. wanted to get $9 worth so did things i vowed i wouldn't do: handstand and cartwheel on beam, front hip circle and jump onto low bar, back extension roll. plus add a few front tucks that i can almost land. it was nice to see the same trophies, the same equipment (minus the vaults), some of the same people.. just a great, relaxing atmosphere. and now my body is old and tired and it is begging me to rest.
i feel like looking at the stars. with a cup of hot cocoa or tea. and with you.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
some days it's so easy and others it is hard. so hard it doesn't seem it can ever be easy. one day at a time, as they say
spring break is an amazing distraction to life. i have really enjoyed the past few days. its been a collection of nice moments...
feet in pool, falling asleep under the sun, reading bradbury, neverending showers, neverending conversations, sleeping in, driving with the windows down, just being happy to be in san diego, pushing thoughts away with 101.1, and the beach today....
airplane skimming the ocean, a dense flock of birds gliding over the water, silhouettes against the sky. the sound of the ocean better than the inside of a seashell, no seashells rocks everywhere- more rocks than sand. watching the sky from blue to pink orange yellow purple back to blue with the softest haze, like someone smeared chalk pastels with her thumb. couples so happy to be together and those alone feeling the weight of solitude... ah i can't explain it. but being alone is not so bad sometimes. driving to the beach alone, running, walking, sitting on a rock, driving back all alone is okay and sometimes (like today) even better. except scary to be so alone with your own thoughts. i kept wanting to really think about life, my life, stuff, but then i was kind of scared so i just thought of easier things and looked at birds. sometimes you want the ocean to help you figure stuff out and sometimes you just want it to distract you. can't articulate it right now- or ever probably, but there is no place more beautiful than torrey pines.
probably will go in soon.. i want to feel the ocean take complete control of me. kind of always feel a bit more alive afterwards.
spring break is an amazing distraction to life. i have really enjoyed the past few days. its been a collection of nice moments...
feet in pool, falling asleep under the sun, reading bradbury, neverending showers, neverending conversations, sleeping in, driving with the windows down, just being happy to be in san diego, pushing thoughts away with 101.1, and the beach today....
airplane skimming the ocean, a dense flock of birds gliding over the water, silhouettes against the sky. the sound of the ocean better than the inside of a seashell, no seashells rocks everywhere- more rocks than sand. watching the sky from blue to pink orange yellow purple back to blue with the softest haze, like someone smeared chalk pastels with her thumb. couples so happy to be together and those alone feeling the weight of solitude... ah i can't explain it. but being alone is not so bad sometimes. driving to the beach alone, running, walking, sitting on a rock, driving back all alone is okay and sometimes (like today) even better. except scary to be so alone with your own thoughts. i kept wanting to really think about life, my life, stuff, but then i was kind of scared so i just thought of easier things and looked at birds. sometimes you want the ocean to help you figure stuff out and sometimes you just want it to distract you. can't articulate it right now- or ever probably, but there is no place more beautiful than torrey pines.
probably will go in soon.. i want to feel the ocean take complete control of me. kind of always feel a bit more alive afterwards.
"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when poeple look at that tree or that flower your planted, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away."
Recommended-- no, required-- reading: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.
feels good to finish a beautiful book on a beautiful day. THE SAN DIEGO BREEZE MAKES ME SO HAPPY.
Recommended-- no, required-- reading: Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury.
feels good to finish a beautiful book on a beautiful day. THE SAN DIEGO BREEZE MAKES ME SO HAPPY.
