-michelle: that aeropostale thing made noo sense. you never said why the heck the girl was crying. and that old guy... i know him! well no, but i know exactly who you're talking about.

im tired
must clean room
i love clare she made me a friendship bracelet!

i hiked up a mountain with my mom and then ran down to go to henry's. and then made pad thai.

im going to work on being not psycho starting now. im going to be

NORMAL!


woohoo!

Hmmmm I'm verrry excited because I just watched a "clip" from Elizabethtown!!:) It's by Cameron Crowe (Almost Famous) and so I've heard its going to be great due in most part to camerons directing and writing. It does feature orlando bloom and kirsten dunst as the leads--I know, but please just give it a chance--but from what I've read I'm still excited none the less.

Watch the clip herrr:

Oh, AND Zach Braff is really cool because he has a freaking BLOG for Garden state:
What Garden State's really about is how short life is. And how we get caught up in so many entanglements and insecurities and worries and obsessions and trivial arguments while life races right by us shaking it's head at how seriously we take ourselves. Keep in mind that the sun's gonna burn out in about a million years and truly nothing will have mattered.

mannn...is this free publicity or what?!! just kidding because only 2 people will read/care.

Dove Latte? yummy and also very very sick

yesterday my schedule changed from working 6 hrs to only 4--but stupid me I completely FORGOT and not only worked the 6 hours but also stayed about 30 mins extra! That's half a day to sleep and shop--I am such an idiot.

but I got to work with the guy named Mike from mission viejo and it turns out that we share the same obsession for miss saigon! He's seen it 6 times and actually got to see Lea Salonga in 99 with the helicopter and everything! So I got my cds out of my car--my brother actually bought me the soundtrack because he lost one of my cds--and we were listening/singing to the good songs, "we should get drunk and get laid"---just kidding. we made a deal to watch it next time it comes to san diego. this of course, assumes that both of us will still be working at right start in about a year.....

yesterday at the mall the security people were really doing their jobs! first I saw them at aeropostale and I felt bad for this girl who worked there (she was crying) but it was just a weird vibe so I left and later on I was walking back to aeropostale and they were all outside spencers with some tall kid. Back at aeropostale I saw the crying girl again and she still had to pretend to be happy for the customers even though you could TOTALLY tell she had been crying. She rang my stuff up and i asked "how are you?" and she did this little laugh thing with only a hint of bitterness--and I thought it was strange that I knew about why she had been crying.

side note: the bed at bombay is reeeeally comfortable and shiny!

Today one of the people I worked with at Remington came into the store--she's getting MARRIED!! Her fiancee was with her (his name is Jeff) and I hope they have the cute multi-racial children :)

I have to tell you all about this man that walks around carmel mtn. He's so cute. He's old with silver/gray hair so like maybe 70? well I always see him in a white buttoned long-sleeved shirt with black pants and this HUGE sherpa hiking backpack. he's kind haunched over so the top of the backpack adds another foot to his small frame. he goes to ralphs and picks up his dry-cleaning and pushes around the ralphs cart, only he walks with these tiny steps. I see him all the time and I think it would be interesting to know him

I watched Garden State with Ashley the other night and for those like, 2 hours Zach Braff was so attractive to me! But I really do like this movie--I'm up for watching it again because I think it's worth the money to watch it twice. And I like natalie portman movies--I think she makes smart choices for her roles and shes funny in this movie. OH OH!! BILBO BAGGINS is in garden state too!! haha he plays that dad. awww poppet.

Lotous and I went to state on thursday and ahhhhh it was so strange just being on campus. Last time I was there it was completely deserted and now, once again, there's too many people sweating and breathing and just taking up too much space. I saw a few people from last year and bought some books--which really cemented the fact that ahhhhh I have to go to school. I can't pretend anymore. Crashing--my new major.

my last saturday night and I don't want to spend it inside...what can I do?

i never knew that people could be even slightly interesting---and every guy falls short of johnny depp-- ohh man, sadaf is great. hahaha i love reading her posts

i am soo pooped. i know ive only worked 3 8-hr days in a row (and most people work 5, although i do have one more tomorrow) but i feel soo dead. it's almost more emotionally taxing than physically taxing, though because i am a psycho and i create these situations in my head. today we had two crazies at the library. some guy exposed himself to a little girl in the book stacks, and then there was the guy who says "i have an obsessive compulsive obsessive obsessive compulsive disorder" "please forgive me for my blasphemy". they were both there but i kept thinking that in some way im even crazier than them. i really scared myself today. i know no one knows what im talking about, but just trust me on this one... i am psycho and you should not be my friend. basically i really really try to force friendships. i just can't accept that some people are very different from each other. i mean, sooo difffferent that they can't even be friends. you probably think thats crap and that any two people, no matter how different, can be friends, but its not true. they can get along.... but getting along isn't enough!! i get along with weird sixty year old people. i want something more with normal people who are my age. anyway. its soo tiring to take everything so literally and personally. every intonation of the voice is more than just that. everything blah is REALLY bad and everything good is REALLY good. it's hard to live that way. it's really a good thing that i'm going away to school soon. i need to get away before i hurt someone (probably myself) with my psycho-ness. it really is that bad. wow i just never imagined i could be soo different from someone who is so close to me in age and who grew up in the same city. makes me really think about who i am, how i got this way, if i am the way i should be. worrying/wondering what people think of you can get you in trouble and drive you to insanity. probably the worst influences are bad parents, worrying what people think, and stress (including traffic). i really should just be okay with who i am. i dont need to change and or be more cool. if someone doesnt like me (or it just seems to me like they dont) then its okay its okay its okay. as long as everything is okay with my friends and family then i am okay. just have to keep reminding myself that some people dont matter as much as others. and i need to stop putting words to the thoughts that i dont know because i may be off and then im just worrying for nothing. AHH i need to get out of here !!!!
the other day i went to ucsd to get something from the library. it was cool seeing so many people my age. maybe i should have gone to UCSD.. the beach is righhht there it's almost painful to consider. no no no i love ooklah, its great. i was driving around the university area and i was chomping on a piece of bread and this guy drove by and looked at me and did the funniest thing. he did an impression of me chomping on the bread and i cracked up so hard. it was a special moment. it'll be good to be back. and if nothing else, theres plenty of eye candy... that i dont know. thats right that means they cant hurt me!!!
i hate that dumb t-shirt: "boys lie" . i hate american eagle jeans and trying on clothes. and buying clothes. i bought a bracelet for 15$ but it was almost worth it. ohh my

storytime was great. my favorite little girl went up to me and said "bye. i love you". doesnt get any better than that
i know what i want to do with my life. i want to open up an art school. i dont know if it will be an afterschool one or what but i want to hire really good teachers and teach painting watercolor oil and ink and charcoal all kinds of pastels and other mediums. i want it to look really cool and i want it to be this place where kids can relax and explore everyhing that is supressed in school (like um..creativity). it will be a really cool place where everyone feels welcome. even kids who are picked on in school. i'm going to teach morals too, but in a really subtle way. i just want kids to have a place i didn't have. it will be like craft time at school but all the time! but i dont want to be an enterpreneur. i started planning this in my head wihle shelving and its so complicated.. rent out a place, hire teachers, get supplies, advertise, clientele, curriculum. how does something like this even work?? what a big financial risk. filthy rich and dashingly handsome husband, where are you ?

im also having a coffee shop next door for the mothers.

my heart is soo tired of caring. haha, im ridiculous. i just need to run, listen to some good music, and have my nice friends drown away all my crazy thoughts

holy crap, i just spent the past three hours trying to make blueberry muffins from scratch. i'd say i was only 25% successful. they look like crap but maybe they taste good? i don't want to try because i've been looking at my fat and weighing myself and i really shouldn't consume any muffins. god i have to wake up in five hours and drive my sister to her first day of high school. poor her. then i get to go to work.

today sucked until 8pm. i worked at uc and got a call from rb bc apparently i was supposed to be there. then on my way to uc a 3pm i got stuck in some shitty 15n traffic due to an accident. traffic, what a b word. now i see why adults are so stressed out and bitter and messed up... it's (other than their messed up childhoods) all the traffic they crawl through. i think i spent the entire 45 minutes damning the world with dirty words. then i worked at rb, which was tiring. but finally i got to go to drews house for some HoneyWalnut and Quality Time. bye drew; have fun in st. louis. until we meet again..

i'm 1% excited for storytime because i get to read this book that dr. suess wrote but someone else illustrated. it's about how he has different moods like different colors and different animals. he thought of this while looking at the ocean (he used to live on mt. soledad) and seeing it change daily. for some reason that makes the book even more special. i'm so happy the doctor lived in san diego. it just makes his already wonderful books a little better.

i hope people don't develop deathly stomach diseases from my blueberry muffins. wish me luck.

p.s. i rented The Little Prince- the movie- and i really wish that i wrote that book. i would be soo cool if i wrote it. one day i will write something like that. it won't be soon, though. i'm not smart enough yet. i love the drawings in the book, too. i think i'll buy it soon so i can add it to my collection of favorite books. actually i dont own most of my favorite books. they would be good things to own.

SHOOT i should sleep before i have to wake up again

The only thing I have to say about work today is: I cut my lip and it's all fat and bruised:(

I just got back from Nicole's house--apparently it's her birthday today--HAPPY 18th--but she failed to let me know. She called it "the last time everyone could get together before school starts" and how stupid did I feel when I saw a big white and blue cake that said "happy birthday nicole" on it!! Luckily, I wasn't the only one she lied to so that kinda made me feel better. I ate waaay too much but I really enjoyed talking to some people about the olympics. Namely, gymnastics and MICHAEL PHELPS. And it kills me that Kim and John have been together for like 5 years. FIVE YEARs?!? I can't remember my life 5 years ago!! But their relationship makes me really happy:)

Tomorrow I'm going to a meeting at... El Pollo Loco!! hahaha that kills me. Then afterwards to school to buy books and perhaps a parking permit. Ugh. I need to go to the beach before school consumes me. My area manager was working with me today and she said she'd talk to my boss about getting me a couple days off next week...YAY! I think I'm going to buy shoes for school tomorrow and then watch garden state with ashley--sorry goodkids.

Friday?? yes? Please, I miss you.

OH, I'm super duper excited because this year's field show is (drum roll please): music from Hook!! I loooove that movie and I remember 2 years ago some school had that music but I never got to see the show. I wonder if I'll cry. Probably because that movie always makes me sad.

what a long but fast and wonderful day off. i went to the dentist and got my cavity filled, which was very fun (really, it was. i like my dentist). then i visited my grandparents and ended up staying about 3 hours and talking about random things. then i rushed home and went to the pines of torrey which was... nothing short of amazing. it really looked like hawaii out there. clear skies, blue and green water with frothy white foam, really nice visibility, minimal seaweed... and sets would only come every 10 or so minutes, leaving enough time to paddle out past the farthest person. so i got lots of relaxing sitting and laying time out on the water but also lots of tiring paddling exercise. and even a wave or two with some fun vertical drops. i'm sure for anyone good it was a slow, crappy day, but i couldn't ask for anything better. the water was warm and beautiful and i was just in such a good mood. i dried in the sun and even managed to darken my skin a tiny tiny bit (although no one can tell but me). it felt soo nice to fall in and out of sleep on my towel under the sun. then i drove to point loma to meet monica at souplantation. i couldnt see a thing while driving on the 8 because the sun blinded me and the freeway signs were all silhouetted against the sky but i somehow managed to get where i needed to go. we stayed there until closing like big losers and then enjoyed sea world fireworks from the parking lot.

seriously, you guys, the ocean is amazing. how does it even exist. it's so much better than everything else in the world. it's as good as children... like when Will (this kid at storytime) took my face in his tiny 3-yr-old hands to get my attention. life really is just too good sometimes. really makes up for the crappy times, which ive had plenty of but i just can't seem to remember them now. crappy times are a blur and really good times stick out like distinct moments. what a happy thing.

my fingers are wrinkly from bathtime, my shoulders are sore from paddling, and i feel greeeeeaaat. i hope the good mood can last me through the 8 hour days i'll be working every day, wednesday through saturday.

goodnight lovers

sadaf's got class. sadaf's got school. sadaf's got class. yeah she does:) I can't even get my head around school starting. what? really? are you sure? school feels like it should begin about a billion years from now instead of (at least for me) monday. And sadie: it is worth it. it doesnt feel like it now---right now it seems like hell--but at least you'll have something to show for it later on.

thursday i hope hope hope to go to school and get books and stuff but I may just sleep in. today sucked again because the girl I was working with (yes the same one from my post yesterday) got sick and had to leave early. So instead of me work 8-5, I was there from 8-630 and it would have been a GREAT day for someone to come rob the store. any takers??

Honestly though, it's like I'm running the store by myself because the other girl just isnt ANY HELP. sure, she can kick my butt selling products, but that doesnt amount to anything if she KEEPS ringing things up wrong and puts us in the negative numbers. AND I think she likes to block out any sort of instruction I give her--like just because she's older than me and has been working at the store longer she doesn't have to listen to anything I have to say. she keeps insisting that she's right and that everything I say to her is just me "guessing" or something. The only thing is that I really do know what I'm doing!! I think its sorta funny that she'll figure it out like an hour later and tell me "how to do it" only I said the VERY SAME THING TO HER in the beginning and so I play along and nod with unenthusiatic "oh wow! that's how you do it.." . In the end though, I always end up calling technical support because she's screwed up again. It's cool though because the technical support guy is funny--we've bonded over the last couple of days because of the HELL I've been through and today he was telling the other girl all the stuff she was doing wrong (aka all the stuff i keep telling her) and she finally got it through her head that shes not as great as she thinks. I guess the thing that really bugs me is that she doesnt trust me or think i'm capable. and its me that's taking in all this shit even though I'm not the one doing it--and I'm sure everyone at corporate things I'm a dumbass and that the whole store is falling apart. I bet you everyone thinks it's ME and wendy probably isn't even a factor. And I'm not gonna sell her out like that either but damn it, she should just LISTEN TO ME!!!!!!!!

whew.

moving right along, the only thing I want to do right now is watch Garden State. and eat these cookie things I got at trader joes. I always bought moochi ice cream (chocolate) but I was sooo frustrated again today that I ate the whole box at work. hooray for love handles:)

hey there is a bunny outside my window right now. i love seeing them. this morning when I left my house I saw one just hanging out on my driveway. they are soooo cool!! I want to keep one.

Wowww gymnastics is craaaaazy!! I read somewhere that the Russians are gonna contest the judges over the apparent bias during the games. They TOTALLY should!! poor paul hamm (string)--he's such a muscley man with a high voice and the voice just makes you forget about his build and think "aww little boy" so no one should pick on him. but man...judges are entrusted with so much power. they can make or devastate someone's olympics and justify/ruin all the years of trainning they put in just to be there. you'd think that with all that power they'd be a little bit more responsible.

If Erik called me RIGHT NOW I'd be very happy. But I do agree with sonya: real guys fall short of imaginary guys.

I decided to go to disneyland. I havent been in some time. And today this lady told me about how her son asked his wife to marry him--he did it at disneyworld in the rose garden and the people set off fireworks and all the fun stuff. so nice!

btw my new hobby is going here and looking at people who think they are hot. it's verrrry entertaining.

i want to keep posting but i have nothing to say. i miss learning. i took so many wonderful classes last year. i'm not cool enough to learn on my own... i need to take classes. but what the hell am i taking? life science.. physics? poli sci? french. ahh what am i doing. okay okay i need to think of a job/career/life goal.

so first i was thinking poli sci government diplomacy. but now i'm thinking... influencing kids/adolescents/young people to become involved in art because i think that is such an important outlet that everyone should have and school/society totally stifles (is that a word?) that outlet and tries to make us into these non-creative machines. as pablo picasso said, all children are artists and i think it would be awesome if we could just retain some of that imagination and innocence and honesty (A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys). kids are so cool. they know when you're faking it... they just know things that adults don't know. too bad their parents totally screw them up and by the time the media and society and establishment gets to them they are completely screwed and there is no turning back. well i think art helps. okay so thats an idea and maybe i can turn it into something... EXCEPT i will NEVER get into an art history class. grrr to ucla.


my drawing teacher {click on that} is soo cool. my sister said she saw his name on our caller ID but i dont think thats true because he ditched me to have a baby. but he is so good; hes my idol. well many people are my idol.

my idols include: him, cezanne, van gogh, chagall, modigliani, manet, monet, klimt, mozart, chopin, the beatles, the carpenters, shannon miller, dominique dawes, jean pierre rampal, james galaway, sandra cisneros, ray bradbury, jd salinger, tara kai, and a billion other writers and artists and musicians. and my mother, too. and my friends because i want to be more like them :-) oh and lots of my teachers, too!

i can't believe everyone is heading back to school. i'm not ready yet. i have too much unfinished business here... haha yeah right there is no business. and i dont really want any excitement before its time to go. i want everyrhing to be boring so i can look forward to going. im glad i have another month tho. but i hope everyone else has good first days and first weeks.

okay enough bs for tonight. goooodnight everyone :-) (everyone being like 3 people).

LaLaLa. this morning my sister woke up me up at 1040 and i went in the shower thinking i had work at 1130. two minutes later realized DUH! work is at 11 not 1130!! and i somehow managed to get dressed and arrive at work (in University City- 56 to 5 to 805 to governor drive) by 11am. the izm was definitely breaking speeds of 95. so not worth it, but i do hate being late. work was uneventful... which is what happens when you stupidly set yourself up for disappointment. sucks how you're funny and witty around all the wrong people and completely uncharming around the right people. but maybe they're not the right people then, eh? the obsession is waning... is that a word? waining, maybe? when you tell yourself that someone you do not know is super great it is really only a matter of time until you see that you invented most of that greatness. i mean... the person may still be cool and it isn't that they did anything wrong, it's just.. yeah someone real cannot be as great as someone imagined. oh my imagination is soo good.

anyway 11-8 days are soo long, but i like working with this guy, Adam. he is really mean to me but i think it's funny so i just take all his bs and laugh at it. except sometimes i think of really good comebacks and when he laughs at one i feel really cool. isn't that sad? well this isn't funny or a good comeback, its just a random anecdote, but.. i told him i stalk people when im bored. and he said something like "oh i'm bored today i think i'll stalk this guy and now this guy" and i was like: what?! i am not a stalking whore! i mean, can you imagine? anyway.

i've noticed that middle aged women laugh at my jokes more than any other age group. middle aged women love me. maybe i should just start hanging out with them. people like my storytime! that makes me really happy. they better like it... preparing crafts for 60 kids isn't easy. but it sure beats shelving!!!! i'm excited to work thursday and friday but i'm dreading wednesday. it's one of those "11-3 at UC- drive on my lunch break- 4-8 at RB" days.. boooo! well we'll see how things go, if you know what i mean, but right now i almost-honestly don't care. i am content where i am.

in gymnastics news, the judging has been ridiculous. that greek guy getting gold on the rings??? are you kidding me? sexy alexei today... uhm, all of svetlana khorkina's scores? not to mention the big controversy over the men's all around. the judges are just raining on everyones parade. (btw commercials during the olympics really suck). but despite all that, i got to see some verrry good gymnastics. what a beautiful sport. and the romanians really were amazing. today on my lunch break i drove to this park and just did gymnastics by myself on the grass. it was fun but i almost felt a little crazy. but yay go gymnastics.

oh today i was sad becuase when i got off work around 810 it was completely dark outside :-( goooodbye summer. goodbye, blue sky (a really good song).

so tomorrow is dentist, visit grandparents, beaching, and hanging out with my roomie!!!! shoutout to the roomie. just kidding, she doesn't read this. umm errm ew im fat i havent exercised in so long. oh well screw that. my lover should love me just the way i am, love handles and all. love handles-- what a positive name.

i hunt for the liquid measure of your steps -Pablo Neruda.
whatever that means mr. pablo, i like it. i associate dentist visits with guys. i remember which guy i liked when i was getting certain dental work. it's because i'm usually sitting on the chair for 2 hours (i need lotsss of dental work), thinking of that person the entire time. it's quite nice, actually. i am crazy.

i don't think i ever had anything to say, even before i started. but i liked how michelle was stressed and then saw that sunset. i think that's how life is. you freak out and depress and hate everything and then you see or feel something beautiful and none of it matters anymore. it's those sunsets and glimpses of the ocean and after-running feelings and over-analyzed smiles that keep me the opposite of depressed. i haven't been depressed or upset in so long. since like.... uhm.. sometime last year. it's nicer this way.

k bye im going to sleep because i'm crazy.

Today I was stressed out for 9 hours straight. Even on my lunch I was working and freaking out. Ugh, I couldn't catch a break and I was so annoyed I was so CLOSE to biting my co-worker's head off. I've noticed though, that while she plays "nice"--she can be a real bitch too. She'll turn on you in a moment and smile at you all the while. She always calls in late and gives a lame excuse, and leaves early on the count that we need to cut hours. Meanwhile, I work through my lunch--or she's TALKING to me while I'm on my lunch so I CANT eat nor can my brain just calm down. And I get out a whole hour later and I think it's sorta funny that people at corporate were already at home feeding their kids. Am I starting to feel like people are taking advantage of me? HELL YES. I need to grow a spine. No, better yet, I should just stop showing up to work. Take that biotches! I really should be getting paid like a store manager this week...its not fair:(

But while I was driving home on the verge of a nervous breakdown I drove over the top of this hill and saw the GORGEOUS sunset. It was all sorts of purples and pinks and yellows and glowy and beautiful. It almost made the whole day worth going through for that one moment:)

I'm ready to pig out on ice cream, sleep and gymnastics!! Oh my friends, where ARE YOU??

How Many People Can Say That They Are Excited To Go To Work. well i am! i am! i am!
oh but it's too bad love potion #9 doesn't exist. it would really come in handy right about now. no; it's the potential that matters. it's all about the potential... the tiny little glimmer of hope, light at the end of the tunnel, possibility- no matter how small or meek or not really possible. it's there and that is reason enough to wake up and start a new day.

so how did my sunday really turn out? I watched some of the Beatles' "Yellow Submarine", which was a lot weirder than i imagined. I went to Home Depot with my father to purchase things for the garage remodeling. I drove myself to Torrey Pines, parked all the way by Robertos, walked Barefoot to Flat Rock, put my shoes on and hiked up into the cliffs. and i started Crying beneath my sunglasses because the Ocean was SO BEAUTIFUL. one of the prettiest days in my entire life. it was so vast, blue, sparkling, calm, accepting, forgiving, comforting. Sometimes this world is just way too pretty for me. I can't handle it. After I hiked to the Top I felt semi-invincible so I decided to run down and in the process I pulled a hamstring. Hamm String. then i removed my Shoes again and finished up the walk with my feet in the water. It was tiring but Wonderful. gymnastics is on at 9 and i've run out of ideas for what to do in the meantime.

blueberry soy ice cream is delicious. and are my mom's blueberry muffins. i think i will bake some and bring them to the library heeheehee.

So I've spent a good portion of my day looking for a certificate. This of course, leads me to look through boxes of old "junk" but I found my old church and looked at the dress code for girls:

Girls Regular Uniforms

1. Navy blue skorts, not shorter than one inch above the knee. (Note: When ordering from Lands End, order the "above the knee length," not the "fingertip length." Lands End carries girls' plus and slim sizes.)

2. Navy blue, v-neck sweater vests with the school crest. In cold weather, navy blue cardigans with the school crest may be worn with the vest and navy dress trousers may also be worn in place of the skort.

3. Grades 1 to 4: white polo-style shirts, short or long sleeve. (Shirts must be worn tucked in.)

4. Grades 5 to 8: white or pale yellow polo-style shirts, short or long sleeve. (Note: Land's End calls this color "maize.") (Shirts must be worn tucked in.)

5. Socks must be navy blue or white turn-cuff crew socks, knee socks or tights. Nylon stockings may not be worn. Anklets (sport socks) that do not have a cuff long enough to turn down may not be worn.

6. Shoes must be dress shoes or sneakers. High platforms, clogs, thongs, sandals, and heels may not be worn.

7. Make up (including lipstick, colored chapstick, nail polish, artificial nails, and long nails) is not permitted during the school day or at other school/Church activities.

8. No jewelry is permitted. Earrings may be worn only if ears are pierced. Earrings larger than a dime are not permitted; dangling earrings are not permitted.

9. Other: Nose rings, caps, bandanas, and the like are not permitted. These items are confiscated and not returned.

It's strange to think how different my life would be. Kinda scary. I really REALLY want to go back to VA/D.C. and see how everything is much smaller than I remember. OH YEAH, and I heard they tore down my old house on the military base I lived on!

That's where the bus would drop us off in the mornings.

Moving on, anyone want to go to street scene this friday??

What A Beautiful Day. i'm already worried that i am spending my only-one-of-two-days-off inside the house. i need fresh air. i need to smell summer again. i've forgotten what time of year it is completely. but for some reason the last thing i want to do right now is drive somewhere and park somewhere and walk somewhere. i am just so tired! and it doesn't help that my mother isn't talking to me for the 36th straight hour. ugh, get over it mother!! stop ruining my day off!

this is my weekend: yesterday i worked at RB 11:30-5:30 (probably the longest 6 hours of my life), came home and watched "thirteen" with my sister (and got very scared), was about to go to sleep... when I decided to go to drew's house (at 1am) and do a puzzle, but really ended up watching refrigerators "life some heavy things". if today were perfect i would have gotten up early, ran at torrey pines, gone shopping, hiked at cowles mtn, and then hung out with drew at night. but instead, i'm going to do nothing and then probably get together with drew and others to watch gymnastics finals (sorry, i just can't miss that). but the more i look outside the more i know i need to be there.... but where to go? the beach? i feel like i don't remember the beach anymore. like it's not mine or something. it belongs to the "regulars": other people that are there every day, and i have to settle for crappy visiting hours. parks are boring because i always want the ocean to be there. hiking is fun but not in extreme heat. what i really need to do is buy some SoBe green tea, grab a book (Joseph and His Brothers by Thomas Mann), get a beach chair, and go to torrey pines and just read. what i really will do, though, is help my dad with the garage and perhaps do my laundry. this is a strange disorganized post that is very much reflective of my weird mood and the weirdness going on in my head.

so wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully, wonderfully pretty! i love the cure.